Let It Be Me Read online

  “I’m telling you, you’d love it,” he says, so sure of himself.

  His confidence is intoxicating and I feel it radiating from me, lighting a spark in my own. He’s so sure of himself, so comfortable in his own skin. It’s refreshing. I’m so used to dealing with Rob, who’s arrogant and selfish, that to deal with such a laid back, genuinely happy person is such a change of pace. Grinning over at him, I say, “I would scream so loud, someone would think I was being murdered.”

  Tucker laughs at that, but then his eyes met mine and my laughter stops. His eyes are light, playful and sweet. I want to reach over, touch his face with my fingers, feel the scruff on his chin, but instead, he says, “You know, we could scream together. I’d love to take you. It would be fun.”

  I look away, my cheeks burning scarlet. I feel horrible because I wish I could. What does that say about me? About my marriage? But I can’t help but want to go with him. Get lost in the air with him, to feel him hold me once we’re on the ground. It would be perfect. But the perfection would be ruined as soon as it started. Rob would kill me, or maybe even Tucker. Not that I would go anyway.

  “What, are you scared?” he teases but I am. Just for a different reason than he’s expecting.

  “Yeah,” I say with a strained laugh, “I wouldn’t make it.”

  “Sure you would, I’d protect you.”

  I can feel his eyes on me, but I can’t look at him. If I did he’d see how much I want that. How being in his arms, having his protection would make me the happiest person on earth.

  Nothing is said for a moment as I pick at the top of my sushi roll. It has nasty raw fish in it and as much as I want to like it, just to make him happy, I can’t. It’s gross and you know what I did, I told him that. I even covered my mouth, in complete shock when those words left my mouth but he just laughed. He didn’t care. I expected him to get mad, but he did the opposite; he told me next time I get to pick dinner.

  Insane, right?

  “It’s not as if I’m making you go, I was just picking at you.”

  I look up at him to find him watching me. “What?”

  “You got quiet on me. Don’t worry, I’m not going to make it mandatory that you go,” he says with a laugh.

  I laugh, but it’s fake. I don’t know what to say, and then, out of nowhere, I say, “I’m married.”

  When I look up, his brows are up into his hairline. His mouth is parted and he is looking at me as if I told him I like to steal food from the homeless. His eyes are so dark and I can tell he is genuinely stunned. Instantly, I feel disgusting and I look away, my heart hammering in my chest.

  “What?”

  I swallow loudly. “I’m married and I don’t think my husband would like to go sky diving, and I doubt he would let me go without him.”

  Really, he would never let me go with Tucker, or any man for that case, but I leave that out. I won’t look at him even though I can feel his eyes boring a hole in my head.

  “But, you don’t have a ring.”

  I look down at my bare hand. Rob took my rings two years ago because he says I don’t deserve to wear them. It doesn’t bother me because I don’t care. I don’t want the rings, but I hate when people ask me this. It happens a lot and my lie is kind of stupid.

  “I lost the ring in the ocean and I don’t have the money to buy another.” I’ve never even been to the ocean.

  When I look up to gauge his reaction, he looks away. I can still see the shock on his face and I feel horrible for leading him on. I guess that’s what I’ve done. How disgusting of me. How could I do that to such a great guy? I should have never flirted with him. Wait, did I flirt? Shit, I don’t know but I feel like I’ve done something wrong and I want to fix it, but how?

  A heartbeat later, he looks up at me and the shock I saw before is gone.

  “Oh, that sucks he won’t let you go. I’m sure my girlfriend would have liked to have someone to hang out with.”

  Girlfriend? Whoa, what?

  “Oh, I didn’t realize you have a girlfriend.”

  “Yeah, been together a while. How long have you been married?”

  His face is like stone and I hate it. His eyes are dark and he isn’t looking at me anymore but at the same time I notice that his chest is rising and falling quickly. I don’t know what to think, what to do, or even how to feel. Really though, why do I care? Nothing was going to happen between us anyway. Nothing. So why am I worried about his feelings or how he feels about me?

  Stupidity. I’m so freaking stupid.

  “Three years,” I answer, looking down at my fingers.

  “You married young.”

  I shrug. I hate when people say that. “When you know, you know.”

  “I guess so.”

  I watch him, my heart pounding in my chest as he moves his fingers along his leg, still not looking at me. I can’t stand the silence, and so I ask, “How long have you and your girlfriend been together?”

  “Not long,” he said with a wave. Before I can ask why he said ‘a long time’ before, he gets up and starts gathering his stuff. “I’ve got to go. I have to call my dad and stuff. This was good, Violet. I’m happy with everything.”

  I watch as he quickly picks up the trash, not letting me help before he throws everything away.

  “Me too,” I say after he is almost out my door. “Thank you for a wonderful dinner.”

  He stops. Looking over his shoulder at me. He smiles before he says, “it was great. See you tomorrow.”

  I smile back as he closes my door but then he opens it again.

  “Are you ready to go?”

  I nod. “I am closing everything down and then I’ll be ready.”

  “Okay, I’m going to do the same and I’ll meet you out front to walk you out to your car.”

  Something inside me flutters as I nod again. “Thank you.”

  I rush to get everything put up because I don’t want to keep him waiting but after locking up, I’m the one waiting for him. Finally, after what seems like forever, Tucker emerges from his office and, like before, he won’t look at me. He motions for me to go first and once the office is locked we walk to our cars. I feel like I need to say something, like I need to apologize. For the last twenty minutes I’ve been trying to come up with a reason to apologize, but I can’t think of a reason. I don’t want to apologize for leading him on, when really I did. Or did I? I’m confused and my heart is beating so damn hard my chest hurts; I have no clue how to make this right. Tucker is never this quiet and he always looks at me, but now he is doing neither and I hate the way it makes me feel.

  Letting out a breath, I reach for my keys before we reach my SUV. It’s an old beat up Ford Explorer, nothing sexy like his BMW, and I’m embarrassed to be getting in it in front of him. I wish that things were different, that I wasn’t married and that instead of looking at Tucker and wishing him goodnight, I could smother him with kisses before going home and dreaming happy dreams.

  But that’s not my life.

  My life belongs to Rob.

  Opening my car door, I look over my shoulder to find Tucker watching me. The look of melancholy on his face twists my stomach into knots, and my mouth is moving before I even think about what I’m about to say.

  “I’m sorry.”

  God, I’m so stupid!

  I want to slam the door and drive away but I know he heard me. His eyes bore into mine as he takes in a labored breath. He runs his fingers through the hair I so desperately want to touch and I can’t believe I’m jealous of his own fingers. It disgusting but before I can scold myself, he says, “Sorry?”

  I shake my head.

  “Ignore me. Goodnight, Tucker,” I say quickly but as I go to slam my door, he stops me, putting his body between me and the car door. Even with the height of my SUV, I still have to look up at him. Staring up into his angular face, eyes curious and probing, has me breathless.

  “No, why are you sorry?”

  I look down and close my eyes. Re