Let It Be Me Read online

  I’m thankful I was never in the position but there is no reason why she can’t leave. For the first time since I came to this group, I’m introducing myself without even thinking twice about the words that are leaving my lips. I have never been so proud of myself in my life. I say the words about how I left, how I got away and stayed away, so proudly. And I should say it that way. I should be proud of myself. I mean look at me. I’m beautiful again. My eyes are actually sparkling. Can you believe it? Guess what? I love me. I do. I love the person I have grown into and even with all the drama Rob continues to put me through, I’m happy.

  I have done it.

  Judy, the group leader, sit in front of me, nodding her head as she smiles. “Any word on your divorce?”

  Blah. I hate talking about this, but I know I have too. It helps.

  “He still won’t sign and now he is threatening anyone that comes to his door. My lawyer wants to send a cop out there but the law enforcement won’t get involved unless he does something to the people delivering the papers.”

  Judy nods. “But still no contact with you?”

  I smile as I shake my head. “No, and I couldn’t be happier. He has called my mom multiple times and I feel bad but she tells me she can handle it.”

  I know you are confused but after realizing that I am always depending on someone, I decided that I was going to move to my grandpa’s house by myself. My mom and Tucker threw a fit but they understood and supported me. So now, I’m making a house my home and I love it. Before though, I was scared out of my mind every second of the day, worried Rob would find me but he hasn’t. He came to my mom’s house a week after I left and my mom acted as if she didn’t know where I was. He was livid but thankfully, my mom wasn’t alone so he left and hasn’t come back. It terrified me, though. I knew he would find me, somehow he would, but to my surprise Rob has never thought to look here. Now, I walk with no cares in the world. I wear what I want. I do what I want and I am happy.

  I have my life back.

  Well, part of it at least.

  The other part is in Tennessee, over one thousand, two hundred and eighty two miles away. I miss him. More than anything in the world but not once have I regretted watching him walk away. It had to happen and it has paid off. I’m sitting so tall, I am proud of who I am and it has everything to do with him. He helped me get away. He loaned me the strength I needed. He loved me when I didn’t think I deserved it.

  He saved me.

  “Things are still good at work?” Judy asks me, and I nod.

  “Yes. I love it there. I miss my old office but Dr. Fresh is a nice guy.”

  Judy continues to smile because she set me up with this guy and then Tucker talked to him. I got an interview and the next thing I know, I’m hired. It worked out because I needed money because the lawyer Tucker hired is not cheap. Thankfully though, I’m making it. I’m going to be fine.

  “This is true but I understand why you would miss your old office. The McClouds are good people.”

  It’s a small world you know? Judy is Tucker’s mom’s friend from college and they stay in contact regularly. Tucker is the one that found this group for me. It’s forty minutes away but it’s worth every minute it takes me for me to get here. I just feel so complete when I leave these meetings and I know they have helped me to love myself again. Sometimes, when its dark and I’m sitting on my porch, enjoying the view from my grandpa’s house, I think that it was all fate.

  Brace yourself, but I’ve forgiven Rob.

  I’m not saying I want to see him tomorrow, but I’m not scared of him anymore. He has no hold on my life. I have me back and nothing can ever hold me back. I know you probably think I’m nuts and I understand that but I had to forgive him to get me back. Thinking of him, giving in to my fear of him, gave him power and I couldn’t do it anymore. I have the power now. Now all I need is for him to sign these fucking papers so I can be completely rid of him.

  “They are,” I agree with a smile.

  “I think it’s easy to tell that we are all very proud of you, Violet,” she says before turning to the new girl. “Jami, see it’s possible. You can leave and not worry at all.”

  I watch as Jami slowly shakes her head and the tears roll down her face as she starts to sob in front of us. I feel horrible and as she goes into the reasons of why she can’t leave: he’ll find her, she’s scared, he owns her, you know, the same shit I went through. I stand up and walk to her, surprising everyone. Bending down in front of her, I take her hands in mine as I look up into her beautiful blue eyes and I smile. Her eyes are sad, her soul is broken and I feel it’s my duty to do what was done for me. As much as I thank Tucker for what he has done because obviously he’s done more than any other man would do, I have to remember that it wasn’t just him that helped me leave. It was Marci, my old group leader too.

  It’s funny how different people help you in life. Tucker gave me the strength and the love I needed, while Marci gave me the knowledge and the kick I needed. Tucker tried so many times to tell me to leave, hell my mother did too, but it took six sentences to wake me the hell up. So looking up into this beautiful girl’s eyes, I say, “We all want the same thing here, Jami. We want you to get away and be happy, like you want but I’m telling you, you’re never going to leave if you keep waiting until you’re ready. Because, honestly, you’ll never be ready. You have to just go. You have to do this. You’re ready in our eyes. If you weren’t you wouldn’t be here. You can do this, Jami. You can leave. Just do it. Don’t let him hold you back, go.”

  As the same words that I have written in various spots of my house leave my lips, my skin breaks out in goose bumps because I know it’s scary and I know it hurts but she has to leave. If she doesn’t listen to me than all I can do is support her and hope she makes the right choices. But there’s a fight in her eyes, something fierce that I wished I had found in myself a long time ago. I believe in her.

  She’s got this.

  “I think she is going to leave.”

  I can hear the excitement in my mom’s voice as she says, “That’s great, baby. I’m so proud of you.”

  I smile as I reach for the groceries out of the back of my car. I sold my SUV to a car dealership that guaranteed me they didn’t need the title. Sketchy but I needed to get rid of it. I didn’t want to be seen in it and plus, because of it, I got a great deal on my little Honda. “Thanks mom,” I say as I walk toward the house.

  “No baby, seriously. You’ve completely blown me away, you are back to the amazing woman I raised. I am so proud of you.”

  My face warms as I lay my bags on my counter. “Thank you mom, really. I couldn’t have done any of it without you.”

  “Yes, you could have. You’ve done it all.”

  “Tucker helped.”

  “Yes, he did and I am completely in debt to him but it took your strong will and that helped you too.”

  I know I had said that I didn’t want anyone to know about me and Tucker’s relationship through this whole thing but one day I let his name slip and she questioned me until I told her. He wasn’t mad, I really didn’t expect him to be and said he can’t wait to meet my mom. He is really amazing and I can’t wait until we can be together. I’m not sure when that will be, but I hope soon. I miss him. Desperately.

  “Yeah,” I agree as I walk from the house to the car. I always try to hold back my feelings for Tucker when I am talking to my mom. She wants me to be so happy, I know this and if she knows that Tucker can make me happy, she’ll start harassing me about him. She already wants me to go out and meet people but I’ve been able to dodge that because my divorce isn’t final.

  It takes three trips out to my car for my groceries and in that time, my mother has told me her whole itinerary for her Bible Retreat with her friends. I am glad she is going out of town for a couple days. She needs time to herself, she has been so worried about me that I think she forgets sometimes that she has a life too. She has started to date one of the deacons at her ch