Let It Be Me Read online

  It will probably be never.

  “Where are you going?” he asks, a smile on his lips as he runs his nose up and down mine.

  “I need to get dressed.”

  He shakes his head. “No, let’s stay in bed.”

  “I have to get home, Tucker.”

  Pulling back, his brows are together as he asks, “what? Why?”

  “Because Rob knows I’m coming home today; I have to get there,” I say, holding back my tears as I wiggle out of his arms and out of the bed. I can feel his eyes on me but I ignore them as I put on my bra. I have to get dressed. I have to get out of here.

  “Seriously?”

  I glance up at him and shrug my shoulders. “I’m sorry, Tucker, but I have to get back. I understand if you don’t want to drive me. I’ll rent a car, but I have to go back home.”

  Looking away, I reach for my panties and then my dress and when I turn, he’s pulling up his own boxers, a perplexed look on his face. I hate that I’ve put it there but I have to believe I’m doing the right thing.

  “Can you just stop for a minute, please?”

  Sliding my dress over my head, I turn to look at him. I take in the body I loved the night before and then looked up into the face of the person that will always have a special place in my heart. Even if he decides to hate me after this, I’ll always cherish him and maybe one day I can explain why I had to do this. And maybe, he’ll forgive me. God, I hope he will.

  “Yeah?” I ask.

  “Does what happened in that bed not matter?”

  I look away as I say, “the booze was flowing last night and I felt special, important. You wined me, dined me and I let the night get to me and fell into bed with you. Yes, it’s what I wanted, more than anything, and Tucker, you have to believe me when I say I’ll never forget what happened, but I’m not a cheater. I shouldn’t have done this. Not only does this hurt you and me, but if Rob finds out, I’m scared to even think what will happen, so please.”

  “Violet, please. I can protect you. I will always be there for you and I won’t ever let anything happen to you.”

  “You can’t protect me from him; he’s my husband.”

  “But he doesn’t deserve you,” he said a little louder, stepping in front of me, looking deep in my eyes. I’m holding back the tears but I’m not sure how much longer I can. I can see the hurt in eyes and I hate it. I don’t want to hurt him, not after all the good he has done for me and to me. “Violet, I don’t think you understand.”

  “No, I do, and I’m sorry. This should have never happened. I’m sorry I disrespected you. You deserve better than that,” I say and I mean every word.

  “No, I know you’re not a cheater, but the reason why you did it is because we belong together. When I said you don’t understand, what I meant is that you don’t understand how much my heart belongs to you. I’ve been completely yours since the moment our eyes met. I’ve never felt this intensely about someone and I don’t think I ever will again. Last night was everything I dreamed of. If you walk out that door, it will crush me.” Taking my face in his hands, I gasp before he whispers, “I promise I’ll never let you down. I’ll never hurt you, I’ll only love you. You deserve better than what he gives you. I can do better. I can give you the world because you are my world. I’m laying it all out, Violet. I love you and I need you to take a chance on me. Leave him. Be with me.”

  I knew fighting my tears wasn’t going to last long and soon they’re rushing down my face, over his hands and onto my dress. I didn’t realize until this moment that I have fallen for Tucker and this is going to be the hardest thing in the world, but I have to do it.

  Because I love him.

  Slowly shaking my head, I pull out of his reach and whisper, “I can’t Tucker. I’m sorry.”

  “Why? Why can’t you? I would treat you right, I would love you the way you deserve.”

  Looking away, I take in a deep breath. I hate what is about to come out of my mouth but I know it will be the thing to get me out this room. It will be the only thing that saves us both because it will hurt him and he will let me go. With that urging me on, I look back at him and say, “I love Rob.”

  “No,” he says, dropping his hands from my face and stepping back. His face is twisted in pain, his hand on his chest as if I’ve shot him square in the chest. My tears come faster down my face and my heart feels dead. How could I do this to him?

  “I don’t believe you.”

  Mustering up all the strength he gave me, I look over at him and say, “I do. I’m so sorry. I never meant for this to happen and I’m truly sorry, Tucker.”

  I turn to grab my shoes because I can’t take the way he’s looking at me. I have to get out of here before I tell him I’m lying, that I don’t love Rob, I love him. That I never want to see Rob’s face again, only his for the rest of my life, but I know I can’t. As I gather the rest of my things, he stands there, watching me with a gut-wrenching look on his face. Walking toward the door, I spare him one last glance and I wish I hadn’t.

  His face tells me the one thing I feared: there is no fixing what I’ve just done.

  The drive home was a haze to me. I don’t remember anything except that I cried the whole way. I did what I thought would help me in the long run, but in reality, I just made everything worse. So many times I wanted to turn around and go back to Tucker. Beg him to forgive me and to understand why I did and said what I did, but I knew it wouldn’t help. I’m pretty sure I’ve ruined the possibility of anything happening between us in the future and I have to live with that. Thankfully I’ll always have our night together but in a way I wish I didn’t.

  I broke him and it’s killing me.

  I’m not sure if what I did is right and I hate that I’m not as confident as I was when I was in that room with him. I knew what needed to be done, what had to happen, but now I feel like I’ve just fucked up everything and I’ll never have the chance of holding that man in my arms or feeling his lips on mine. I’m scared he’ll hate me for the rest of his life and I don’t know if I can live with that. I can’t help but think maybe I should just admit everything but I know I can’t.

  Like I’ve said before, Tucker, God, he is perfect, but he’s a fixer and he’ll want to fix it all. I mean, you heard him. He wants to put me back together but I can’t let him. I have to do it myself. You understand why I had to do it? Yeah, I know I should have skipped the sleeping with him part but the passion took over. I have been denying myself of this man for months and I couldn’t anymore. I need him and I can’t bring myself to regret any of it. I will always hold our night deep in my heart and I’ll never forget how amazing I felt being held by him, but I’m not sure how the hell I’m supposed to face him every day with the constant reminder of what I did.

  God, I’ve really messed up. I’ve not only lost the one person who was in my corner completely, my best friend, but I’ve lost my strength. Everything inside me is gone and I don’t want to go back home. I want to run and hope no one finds me but I know that won’t work. If I don’t come home, Rob will be after me in a New York second. I know his games and I know that he’s ignoring me because he’s mad I went, and when I walk inside my house the pain I’m inwardly feeling won’t match the pain he’ll cause me. I’ve prepared myself for this, I know it’s going to happen but I hate it. I am so tired of living like this but I can’t change it yet.

  I have to believe in myself. I hurt Tucker to protect him. I will walk into my house and take whatever Rob dishes out in the hopes that all this will be worth it in the end. It has to be. I have to have faith in that or I’ll give up. And I can’t give up, not after what I did to Tucker. I have to stay strong and I have to work toward my goal. Another month should do it and then, I’ll be gone and never have to live with the fear and pain Rob causes. Now the pain from Tucker will always be with me, but maybe one day he’ll understand and forgive me. It’s a long shot but I can hope.

  Hope.

  I wonder when all my hoping wi