Let It Be Me Read online

  With one last thrust, he is finally completely inside me. Tearing me and causing so much pain that I swear I’m about to black out.

  “That’s right, yeah,” he breathes against my face and I’m going to puke. To my surprise, though, I don’t. Instead I close my eyes shut and try to imagine myself somewhere else but I can’t. The pain is overwhelming. Finally he stills with his climax and I hate him. I hate him so much, I want to cut off his cock and stuff it in a blender. I want to make him feel what I feel. When he lets me go, I fall to the ground, wrapping myself up to protect myself from him and also to try to comfort myself.

  “Ugh, you got blood all over me. Gross,” I hear him say as he walks towards the bathroom while I shake with terror. My heart is pounding in my chest and my vagina feels as if it’s been chopped up into a billion pieces. When the door opens, I watch as he walks, naked, through the room, putting on a new pair of scrubs before looking back at me.

  “You okay?” he asks and I quickly shake my head. “Yeah, might want to go to the doctor. You’re super tight, and with the bleeding you might have ripped something.”

  My lip wobbles as I say, “I might have ripped something? You fucking raped me.”

  He laughs, shaking his head. Crouching down, he looks at me with a condescending smile on his face. “Is that what you think? Is that what you think you’re gonna tell people? You’re my wife, Vi, I tried to have sex with you and your shit was tight so I pushed through to pleasure both of us. It isn’t my fault your shit is broken and you’re worthless. That’s your fault, so don’t blame me.”

  “I didn’t do anything wrong,” I cry and when he laughs, I want to scream.

  “Vi, sweetheart, everything you do is wrong and if you go and tell anyone I raped you, they won’t believe you. We’re married; a husband can’t rape his wife. Now go clean up,” he says, standing up and heading for the door. He stops though, turning to me and says, “Oh, by the way, your check didn’t come into my bank. Fix that, I’m running low on money.”

  When the door closes, I break down, shaking so hard while the sobs rip through me. I’m in so much pain that it hurts to even breath. Falling to the ground, I lay my face on the hardwood floor and let my tears fall down onto the floor. I can feel the filth of him in my bones and I need it off but I can’t seem to find the strength to go to the bathroom. As I lay here, I want to give up. I want to accept that this is my life. That nothing good will ever come my way. I feel defeated and I feel as if I’ll never find the fight, or the will to leave. I mean what for? If I tell the police or anyone, no one will believe me. I’ve been hiding it for too long and Rob’s right, who will believe that a husband has raped his wife? I feel completely broken. Every piece of me shattered and I just want to die.

  No. I can’t. I can’t give up.

  I know the fight is inside me. It has to be. I have to believe in myself. I have to believe that the light is at the end of the tunnel. I know I am strong, I can get away and laying here isn’t going to do anything but make it all worse. I have to figure out a way to make sure this never happens again and I will. I have to show him I’m strong. I’m done being the victim of Rob Moore. I’m ready to be the woman that Tucker McCloud deserves and one that I will love.

  My legs wobble as I pick myself up off the floor, cringing with each step,, but I know that it’s going to take one step at a time to get me to where I need to be.

  I’m going to fight.

  I’m going to get my life back because it’s mine for the taking.

  “Violet, sorry to bother you but Tucker sent me to get the expense reports for y’all’s trip to Atlanta.”

  I look up to Mrs. Yolanda from my desk and let out a breath. It’s been five days since certifiably the worst day of my life and I feel like a zombie. Dead. Everywhere. Trapped in a body I hate. A body that has no meaning and the worst part is, Tucker hasn’t said one word to me. He hasn’t even looked at me and it’s been pure torture. As if dealing with what Rob did to me hasn’t been enough, I have to look at a man that I know could comfort me and keep my distance to give him the time he needs.

  I just want to run to him, and ask him to hold me. I feel so empty without his friendship, his companionship and I just want what we had back, but he’s made it clear that it’ll never happen. I have ruined him like Blaine said I would if I didn’t let him go. How could I have been so stupid, so selfish? I needed his friendship and because of my selfish need, I have no one. I’m alone.

  This needs to stop though, I don’t expect him to open his arms and forgive me, even though that would be nice but this no communication stuff has to stop. I know our employees are starting to wonder. I’ve seen them whispering and who can blame them? Tucker walks around this office looking the way I feel, like a zombie. He won’t even look at me when before all he did was talk and joke with me on a daily basis.

  “Is he in his office?” I ask.

  “Yes.”

  “I’ll take them over.”

  I wait for her to leave and when she doesn’t I look up. She is looking at me with a worried look on her face, so I ask, “Yeah?”

  “I’m stepping out of line here, I know that, but is everything okay between you two? It seems as if there is some tension between y’all and I’m just wondering if there’s anything I can do to help.”

  No, she is just being nosey, but that’s fine. With a bright smile, I shake my head and say, “everything is fine, no worries. I’ll take care of this.”

  With a curt nod, she starts for the door. “Okay, thank you.”

  “No, thank you.”

  When my door shuts, I stand up and cringe. My vagina hasn’t been the same since Sunday and because of that, I’m going to the OBGYN today. I don’t know what’s going on down there, but it hurts. It’s a constant reminder of what happened and I need that to stop. I hope that nothing serious is wrong but I have feeling it is more than a bruise. Since the incident, I haven’t had to deal with Rob. Thankfully, he has been working and I haven’t had to see or talk to him. It’s been great and for the past few nights, I’ve decided that all I need is a month and I should have enough to live on in Colorado to get me by until I get a job. It will also be enough to start my divorce, which is great. It all scares me because I’m not really sure how I am going to get away but I am ready for the change.

  Reaching for the files Tucker wants, I head across the hall, knocking on his door.

  “Come in,” he calls out and I push open the door.

  When his eyes meet mine, he quickly looks away and I want to cry.

  “Violet, what can I do for you?”

  “The files you needed,” I say before laying them on his desk. I want for him to look at me, but he doesn’t. He ignores me, writing away in the patient’s file. I want to yell at him to look at me, to allow me to apologize, but I don’t think it will help.

  “Thank you, anything else?”

  I hate how short he is and I want my Tucker back. “Can you please look at me?”

  “I rather not,” he softly says as the pen he is writing with stills. “I have work to do.”

  “Tucker, people are starting to notice that something is going on.”

  “I don’t give two shits what people notice. As long as they do their jobs, I don’t care about anything else.”

  I’m stunned. “You don’t mean that.”

  He looks up at me. His eyes dark, his mouth in a straight line as he says, “You’re right. I love my office and they deserve the best possible boss but the problem is I don’t want to be here. I care so much about you and looking across that hall at your door is killing me because I know behind it you’re sitting there not caring one bit about me or how I feel.”

  “That’s not true, Tucker.”

  “Sure it is, because if you did, you would admit that he’s hurting you but you keep lying to me and hurting me in the process. All I want to do is help you and you won’t let me, so unless you’re going to share something more than a lie, I have nothing to say