Let It Be Me Read online

  “Just worried, something feels off this morning. I wasn’t sure if it was you or Pilar, I’m going to go check on her after I get off the phone with you.”

  “Oh, okay,” I say, taking in a deep breath. I don’t know what I thought she meant by that but it worried me. “How are you?”

  “Alright, getting everything figured out with mom’s estate. It’s a pain in my ass.”

  “Yeah,” I agree and maybe I should wait a little longer before going home. She sounds stressed out and I hate to add to her stress but if I don’t go home where will I go? I can’t go to Tucker’s, but maybe a shelter? Or maybe I can stay in a hotel? Shit, I don’t know. I won’t have the money for a hotel and a lawyer but I don’t know if I can put my mom through that.

  “What’s wrong? You’re quiet.”

  “Nothing, just thinking.”

  “About? Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah mom, I’m fine.”

  “No, I can tell something is wrong. Tell me before I fly down there and make you tell me,” she said with the authority of a mother.

  “Mom, it’s nothing. Everything is going to be fine.”

  I shouldn’t have said it like that. My mom catches everything and now is no different. “So it’s not now? What’s wrong? What do you need?”

  I know I have to tell her. I can’t just show up and be like ‘Hi, I’m moving in!’ I need to give her some warning but I know that I can’t say I’m coming to stay with her without an explanation. She’s going to want to know everything and I can’t tell her all that right now. I’m not ready. Or maybe I am but I’m scared. Hell, I don’t know. I just know I need to tell her something. I need somewhere to go and if she can’t take me in, then I need to know that.

  “Is the offer for me to come live with you still on the table?”

  She pauses. “With or without Rob?”

  I swallow loudly before saying, “Without.”

  “Absolutely,” she says quickly. “When are you coming? Are you flying? Or driving? Do you need money?”

  “Mom, whoa,” I say, completely overwhelmed.

  “What? Are you leaving today?”

  “No, I don’t know, things are a little crazy right now,” I say and I can’t believe she didn’t ask why. “Are you sure? I don’t want to add to the stress that you’re going through with grandma’s estate and everything.”

  “Yes, I’m sure, you being with him adds to the stress, Violet. Leaving him will make a lot of my stress go away.”

  I hate myself for that. I knew she worried about me but hearing that a situation I hide from her stresses her out, hurts me. I don’t want to do that to my mom. Closing my eyes, I can’t believe she hasn’t asked yet. I could have sworn that would be the first thing she would ask about. “You don’t want to know why I’m leaving him?”

  “I don’t care why as long as you leave. It’s about time, is all I have to say. Do you need money?” she asks again.

  I wouldn’t tell her yes if I did. I can’t take anything from her. “No, mom, I don’t. I’m still figuring things out.”

  “There is nothing to figure out, leave everything behind and come home.”

  “I can’t, not yet.”

  She doesn’t say anything as I slowly work my lip. I’m still waiting for all the questions, to know what Rob has done to me but they never come. Instead, she says, “I am here when you need me. I always will be. I want to remind you though, to trust your heart and no matter how much you think you need to stay there for a certain amount of time, know that your heart knows best. When it’s time to go, go. Don’t worry about anything else. We’ll worry about all that when you get here. I love you, Violet. So much.”

  Tears sting my eyes as I swallow past the lump in my throat. “I love you more, mom.”

  “Call me as soon as you know when you’ll be here.”

  “I will.”

  “Okay, I’ll let you go, I’m still gonna go check on Pilar, but Violet?”

  “Yeah mom?”

  “I’m so proud of you for leaving him, for getting past your fears.”

  I choke on a sob and all I can do is nod, knowing that no words are able to leave my lips.

  “Alright baby, talk to you soon, bye.”

  “Bye,” I manage to say before I end the call and lay down the phone, allowing my sob to escape. Everyone wants to help me and instead of reaching out and getting the help, I’ve hid it all. I don’t understand why I’ve let this happen but I can’t dwell on that. I have to look forward because I’m about to take back my life. I don’t have time to cry the way I want before the phone dings and Ms. Yolanda’s voice is filling my office.

  “Violet, Andrea is here and ready for you.”

  I clear my throat before answering, “Okay, thank you.”

  “No problem.”

  When the line goes dead, I sit back in my seat, wiping my face while being careful around my nose and cheeks. Taking a mirror out my desk, I check my face, hoping it’s clear of tears but when I see myself all I want is to cry again. It’s going to be hell walking through this office and into the x-ray room. I have to pass everyone to get there and I’m scared to go out there and let them see me. I know that they don’t know anything about my struggles but I don’t want the questions. I plan on lying but what if they all suspect that and think that I’m weak? I know it doesn’t matter what they think but it scares me. I’ve spent the last three years of my life trying to put on a show and I’m tired. I want out. I need out.

  I wait another minute, looking at myself and I wish like hell I could see the girl I used to love and know. I know she is in there somewhere. Behind the bruises, behind the broken face and watery eyes but all I see is a woman that is scared. A woman that has allowed a man to use her as a punching bag and to completely control everything and I hate her. I don’t want to be that woman and I know I can’t let him win. I can’t keep being so scared. I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to be strong. I want to be the woman my mom is proud of and also the woman that is worthy of a man like Tucker. Sitting here, crying and feeling sorry for myself, is not going to do that. I have to get up and I have to truck on.

  Taking in a deep breath, I stand up, running my hands down my skirt and shirt to make it straight. I slowly walk to my door, my heart pounding, my stomach churning but I ignore it all. I can do this. When I reach for the handle, I let out a breath as I repeat those words again:

  I can do this.

  My nose is broken.

  After getting a couple shots in my face and having it reset, I go home early and sleet most of the day away and well into the night. I’m not sure where Rob is, but I don’t care. My face is aching and I need to sleep. I wake up around four a.m. because my face was hurting so damn bad. Tears cloud my eyes as I sit up and look at the clock beside my bed. I groan because I’m not supposed to be up for another two hours. Stumbling out of the bed and to the kitchen, I grab some aspirin before popping two with some water. When I turn to go back to my room, I let out an ear-deafening scream.

  Rob is standing in the middle of the living room watching me, the whole room is black except for the light on the counter. With a bored look, he says, “What the hell?”

  “You scared me. I thought you were at work.”

  “I got sent home early again. The damn charge nurse has it out for me, she’s changed my whole damn schedule. I don’t even work four twelves anymore. I work every night because we need someone to work overtime. It’s fucking stupid,” he says walking past me to get something out of the fridge. He acts like it’s just another morning. As if he didn’t break my nose two nights ago. I don’t say anything else and start walking toward my room but then he says, “You went to work yesterday?”

  I look back at him and nod. “Yeah.”

  He eyes me curiously, carefully. “With your face like that?”

  “Yeah.”

  I try to sound confident and unaffected by him but I’m not sure if it works. He is annoyed though and that makes me