Grotesque Read online

  “Wow, I’ve never earned this much before!”

  She fanned the bills out in front of me. It was the money I had left on the desk.

  “Why did you bring that? That’s not Yu Wei’s money!”

  “Don’t be silly. We can’t make our getaway without money!”

  Mei-kun stuffed the bills away in her brand-name shoulder bag.

  “I’ll be charged with a crime.”

  Mei-kun paid no attention. In the brief four months since we had parted at Guangzhou Station, my sister had changed. I gazed at her profile—the profile of the little sister I had loved. Her nose was slightly upturned. Her lips were slightly crooked, her face plump and adorable. Without thinking I wanted to hug her slender body. She was so beautiful and her heart was so wicked.

  I was certain we were running off with Lou-zhen’s money, a crime that was going to stick to me like a wet shirt. My heart grew heavy. In some ways, the pink T-shirt I had left behind symbolized everything that had happened to me. It was the innocence that had once belonged to Mei-kun and myself. I had forgotten it in Lou-zhen’s room. And I would live without ever getting it back.

  When we dashed through the lobby, I saw a man sitting on a sofa in a Hawaiian shirt smoking a cigarette. He looked up in alarm when he heard us approach. It was Jin-long. He was wearing sunglasses but there could be no doubt. He leaped to his feet and chased after us. “Taxi!” I called impatiently to the doorman. And so the two of us made our painful exit from Guangzhou.

  All right, Detective Takahashi has just reprimanded me for writing too much about unrelated matters. I’ve been given a precious opportunity to write about the crime that I committed. I killed a woman I did not even know, and I should be reflecting on my own stupidity in this testament. But here I am going on about my own trivial upbringing and all the shameful activities that I became involved in. I apologize to you, Detective Takahashi, and to you, Your Honor, for forcing you to read this long and insignificant ramble.

  However, I have written about the life I led back in my home country because I want you to understand that all I ever wanted was the chance to earn the kind of money I would need to live independently and comfortably without having to resort to unseemly behavior. And yet, here I am in prison all the same—forced to endure day in and day out the constant questioning by detectives and even made to suffer the humiliation of being suspected of murdering Kazue Sat. I had no part whatsoever in her death. I have made this very clear on numerous occasions. But let me state it once again for the record: I had nothing to do with Kazue Sat’s murder. I don’t know anything about her, and so I cannot write about her here. Detective Takahashi has told me to write only what I know about the crimes under consideration, so I will hurry to complete my account.

  You needed a pass to enter the Special Economic Zone of Shenzhen, which of course we did not have. So we decided to settle first in Dongguan City, which was a small municipality not far away, and set about looking for work. Known as a second border zone, Dongguan is prosperous, and the Chinese who work over in Shenzhen can afford to throw their money around. Interestingly, the Chinese nationals who live in Hong Kong think that prices in Shenzhen are cheaper, so they come over to the city to shop and enjoy themselves. The Chinese who live in Shenzhen have the same opinion of Dongguan City, because Dongguan is close to one of the Special Economic Zones. Mei-kun found a job babysitting the children of women who worked in hostess bars, and I got work at a cannery.

  I think that period was the happiest in my life. The two of us lived in harmony, helping each other out just like husband and wife, and after nearly two years of hard work we had saved up enough money to buy permits for Shenzhen. We moved there in 1991.

  We succeeded in landing jobs at the best karaoke club in Shenzhen. Mei-kun worked as a hostess and I was an assistant manager. Mei-kun is the one who helped me get the job. She’d been scouted earlier, and she said she’d work on condition that they hire me. I wasn’t particularly fond of the idea of her working as a hostess. It made me uncomfortable because I felt it would be too easy for her to slip back into prostitution. Mei-kun, for her part, worried that I would fall for one of the other girls who worked in the club. So we kept an eye on each other as we worked, a very peculiar state of affairs for a brother and sister.

  Why did I come to Japan? It’s a question I am frequently asked. My younger sister was, as always, the one to determine my fate. To be perfectly honest, I had always been keen on moving to America. But Mei-kun was strongly opposed. In America, Chinese laborers are taken advantage of and paid only one dollar an hour. But in Japan we could earn more, save it, and then move to America with our savings. Mei-kun’s logic always won out over my weak-willed indecisiveness. I did not agree with her, but as usual I was not able to stand up to her.

  One day, something happened that persuaded me to head to Japan sooner rather than later. The club owner called me to his office.

  “A man came by from Guangzhou looking for a fellow named Zhang from Sichuan. It looks like he’s been asking around all over the place. Are you the one he’s after?”

  “There are a lot of people from Sichuan named Zhang,” I answered nonchalantly without batting an eye. “What does the man want?”

  “He said it had something to do with Tiananmen. It seems he’s offering a reward.”

  “What did he look like?

  “He was with a woman. The man was a mean-looking bastard, and the woman had beady little eyes.”

  The owner of the club, who did not like trouble, eyed me suspiciously. Lou-zhen had sent Yu Wei and Bai Jie to look for us. I could feel the blood drain from my face, and I struggled to maintain my composure. If they were offering a reward, it wouldn’t be long before someone gave us up. Everyone working in Shenzhen was after money.

  That night when I got back to our apartment, I discussed the situation with Mei-kun. She raised her eyebrows.

  “To tell the truth, I didn’t tell you, Zhe-zhong, but the other day I saw a guy in front of the station who looked just like Jin-long. I’ve been terrified that he’d show up at the club sooner or later. Our luck may have run out here.”

  The karaoke club where we were employed was expensive and well known. It wasn’t the kind of club that inlanders frequented. Most of the clientele were from Hong Kong or Japan. I didn’t think it was likely that Jin-long would come by, but Shenzhen wasn’t that large. We were bound to run into him sooner or later. Things were getting dangerous for us here.

  The next day I began searching for a snakehead—a smuggler—to help us get to Japan. If we went to Shanghai, I assumed we could find any number of snakeheads willing to get us away from Jin-long. But Lou-zhen was another story. Her younger brother lived in Shanghai and it’s not likely there’d be many willing to tangle with the authority she could bring to bear. This wasn’t going to be easy. And then a hostess from Changle in Fujian Province told me about a snakehead she knew there. I called him immediately and asked him to smuggle us into Japan.

  The snakehead wanted a down payment of only ¥1,000,000 to cover the cost of two forged passports. The rest of the money we would pay once we got to Japan and started working—an additional ¥2,000,000 per person. The total charge, therefore, would be ¥5,000,000. I let out a sigh of relief. Ever since I learned we were being hunted, I was so busy looking over my shoulder, it was like I had a permanent crick in my neck.

  February 9, 1992: I will never forget that day for as long as I live. That was the day we set sail for Japan. Completely by coincidence, it was on the same date three years earlier that Mei-kun and I had fled from our village. Only someone who has traveled on that journey into this country can possibly understand the dangers my countrymen and I faced. And when I think of my sister’s death, I am overcome with bitterness. I’ve not wanted to talk about this to anyone, so I will keep my account brief and without great detail.

  Forty-nine of us boarded the boat. Most were young men from Fujian Province. A few women Mei-kun’s age were also aboard. Th