Grotesque Read online

  I realized that my Swiss father was not my real father when I first became aware of Yuriko’s existence. True, Yuriko did not resemble anyone, but she clearly had both Asian and Western features. And the fact that she was dumb made her even more the spitting image of our parents. I also did not resemble anyone and yet, unlike Yuriko, my face was more clearly Asian-looking. And I was smart. So where did I come from? Ever since I was old enough to be aware of things I was racked with doubt about my parentage. Who was my father?

  Once during science class I thought I’d found the answer to my question: I was a mutation. But the euphoria of my discovery soon evaporated. It was far more likely that the beautiful Yuriko was the mutant. Once that theory was shot to hell I was back where I started: perplexed, chagrined, and completely without an answer to the question that tormented me and would continue to torment me. Even now I have no answer. And Yuriko’s return to Japan brought all my doubts back to the surface again.

  My grandfather seemed to have gone out for the evening; at least he wasn’t home. And he hadn’t made any dinner preparations. So, lacking an alternative, I started rinsing the rice. I took the tofu out of the refrigerator and made miso soup. We had nothing else in the house—no side dish of any kind—so I suspected my grandfather had gone out to buy something and waited for his return. Night fell. I waited, and still he did not return. It was close to ten o’clock when I heard the front door open.

  “You’re late!”

  “Oops,” Grandfather mumbled. I went to the entry hall and found him bowing his head in a playful show of contrition, just like a child being scolded. Huh? I thought to myself, Grandfather’s gotten taller! He was slipping out of a pair of snug-fitting brown shoes I’d never seen before. When I looked closer at them, sitting on the entryway floor, I saw they had heels as high as a woman’s shoe.

  “What’s with the shoes?”

  “These are known as secret boots!”

  “Where on earth do they sell shoes like that?”

  “What’s wrong with them?” Grandfather scratched his head bashfully. The smell of pomade that wafted around his shoulders was particularly pungent. Grandfather was very self-conscious and never went without his pomade, even when he was just puttering around the apartment, but that night he had used more than twice the usual amount. I held my nose and scrutinized him. His brown suit, which I’d never seen him wear before, did not fit properly, and he had borrowed a blue shirt from his friend the security guard. I knew this was the case because I remembered seeing the security guard wearing the shirt with great pride sometime earlier. Besides, it was obvious he was wearing a borrowed shirt because the sleeves hung out below the sleeves of his jacket. To top it off, he was wearing a very bright silver-colored necktie.

  “Sorry. You must be starved,” he said, and handed me a small wrapped parcel. He was in good spirits. I caught the whiff of grilled eel. The odor was so strong I thought for a minute I might faint. The package was stained with sauce and still lukewarm. I took it in both hands and stood there for a moment without saying anything. My grandfather looked so strange. Maybe he had gotten over his obsession with bonsai. But how was he able to buy new clothes and shoes? Where was he getting the money?

  “Grandpa, is that a new suit?”

  “I bought it at the Nakaya in front of the station,” he replied, as he smoothed the fabric with his hands. “It’s a little large, but I think I look like a playboy when I wear it. You know me, I’m a sucker for luxury. And they recommended this tie. They said a silver tie would show up well on a suit like this. If you look closely you’ll notice the material is patterned. It looks like snake scales, doesn’t it? And when it catches the light it glimmers. I went over to the Kitamura Store on the other side of the station for the shoes. I’m a short fella, you know, and others tend to look down on me, which I can’t tolerate. So I’ve been on a bit of a shopping spree. This shirt’s the only thing I didn’t buy—I was feeling a little guilty about all the spending—so I borrowed it from my buddy upstairs. But don’t you think the color works well with the suit? It would be better if I had French cuffs, though. As soon as I can find a good shirt with French cuffs, I’m going to buy it. That’ll be my next purchase.”

  Grandfather looked down regretfully at his shirtsleeves. They really did flap loosely, extending as they did all the way to his slender fingers. I pointed to the package, “So what’s with the eel? Did someone give it to you?”

  “Oh, right. Hurry and eat it. I thought you could use it for your lunch tomorrow so I bought extra.”

  “I asked if someone gave it to you?”

  “And I said I’d bought it, didn’t I?” Grandfather answered gruffly. “I had a little change left.” He finally noticed that I was angry.

  “Did you go to Mitsuru’s mother’s bar?”

  “Yes, I did. Do you have a problem with that?”

  “You went last night too. You sure have money to burn.”

  Grandfather opened the door to the veranda with a loud racket and gazed out. I suddenly had a sickening premonition and rushed to the veranda. Two or three of his plants were missing.

  “Grandpa, did you sell your bonsai?”

  Grandfather made no reply. He picked up the large pot containing the black pine and rubbed his cheeks affectionately against the pine needles.

  “And do you plan to sell that one tomorrow?”

  “No, I’ll die before I sell this one. Even if the Garden of Longevity offers me thirty million yen for it.”

  If I let my grandfather do as he pleased, before long he’d sell off all his bonsai, and whatever profit they provided would be sucked up between the Garden of Longevity and the Blue River. Our life would hit rock bottom.

  “Was Mitsuru’s mother there?”

  “She was.”

  “What did the two of you talk about?”

  “She was busy, you know. She couldn’t sit there and entertain me the whole time.”

  She. There was something about the way he said it that sounded so affectionate. A strong power seemed to emanate from my grandfather’s body, an essence I had not encountered before, strong but soft. I could feel Yuriko’s influence; her presence was changing everyone. I wanted to cover my eyes and ears. Grandfather turned around and looked back at me. There was a trace of fear in his face. I think he realized that I found his newfound love offensive.

  “What did you and Mitsuru’s mother talk about?”

  “I told you we didn’t have time for a real conversation. She’s the owner of the bar, for crying out loud.”

  “But you went out and ate eel somewhere.”

  “True. She said she could slip away from the other girls for a spell and asked me to join her. She took me to some expensive place on the other side of the river. I was a bit nervous, never having been to such a fancy eel restaurant before. I drank liver broth for the first time, too. It’s pretty good. I told her I wished I could give you a taste, that it was too bad you had to be at home alone, so she ordered this serving for me to bring home to you. She said it was really sad about you losing your mother and you were really brave to be coping so well on your own. She really is a nice lady.”

  Why, I wondered, would she speak to my grandfather as if she were some kind of heavenly maiden? Even Mitsuru criticized her—her own mother!

  When I remembered that morning in the car I felt my breast fill with an anger for Mitsuru’s mother that was so sharp it threatened to explode.

  “So the eel was a gift?”

  “Well, you got me there.”

  When Grandfather tried to brush it off I was ready. “And if I tell Mitsuru’s mother that you’ve been in prison, what then? I bet it’d give her a shock.”

  Grandfather removed his suit jacket without saying a thing. The space between his eyebrows wrinkled into a crease. I wanted to say whatever I could to upset him, but that was because I wanted everything to stay just like it was, with the two of us living happily among his bonsai. Here he was, threatening to ruin everythin