Grotesque Read online

  Kazue missed school for several days. On the morning of the fourth day she turned up unexpectedly and stood in the doorway of the classroom like a giant roadblock. She surveyed the room with dark eyes. Her hair was no longer in curls and no longer was she hopelessly gluing those fake Elizabeth Eyelids over her eyes. The familiar dreary, uncool Kazue had returned, except for the fact that an unbelievably gaudy scarf, striped in yellow and black, was wrapped around her neck. The scarf she had knitted for Takashi curled around her like an enormous famished snake. When the other students entered the class and saw Kazue, most looked flustered and quickly turned their eyes away as if they’d just seen something they were not supposed to see. But clearly oblivious, Kazue sauntered over to one of the girls on the ice-skating team who had earlier borrowed her notes.

  “Kazue, what happened to you?”

  Kazue stared up at the student as if in a daze, embarrassed.

  “You can’t go and take time off before the test!”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You can at least lend me your English and Classics notes.”

  Kazue nodded timidly, over and over. She plopped her school satchel down on the desk in front of her. Not surprisingly, the student who was sitting there looked up at Kazue angrily. She was an insider with very savvy fashion sense, well known for being good at baking cookies and cakes. She was reading a cookbook when Kazue interrupted her.

  “Hey, you can’t just go slamming stuff down on other people’s desks, you know. I’m trying to figure out what cookies to bake. Show a little consideration.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Kazue bowed again and again in apology. The unusual aura that had earlier suffused Kazue’s entire body was now nowhere to be found. Instead she looked peaked and ugly, like a fruit squeezed of all its juice.

  “Look here, you got some mud on my book! How can you be so rude?”

  Miss Cookbook made a big show of wiping off her book. Kazue had probably set her satchel down on the train platform while she was on her way to school, or she’d rested it on the sidewalk and the bottom had gotten soiled. A number of students who heard what the girl had to say flushed slightly with excitement at her words, but the rest just pretended not to hear. Kazue handed over her notes and then, drenched in the student’s belittling gaze, retraced her steps to her own desk. She turned back to look at me for support. I instinctively looked away, but not before I could sense what she was thinking. Help me. Get me out of here! I suddenly remembered that snowy night in the mountains when Yuriko had chased after me. That overwhelming impulse to use all my strength to ward off something horrible. The exhilarating feeling following the moment I thrust her away. I wanted to do the same to Kazue now, so badly I could hardly stand it. Finally, the first-period math class ended—without Kazue’s badgering the teacher with her usual endless questions.

  “Hey. Hey? Can I ask you something?” As soon as classes had been dismissed, before I could get away, I heard Kazue’s pathetic voice coming up behind me. I had already begun heading down the second-floor corridor.

  “What? What is it?”

  I whirled around and looked at Kazue straight on, causing her to avert her eyes, a pained expression on her face.

  “It’s about Takashi.”

  “Oh? Did you get an answer from him?”

  “Yes. Yes, I did,” Kazue answered reluctantly. “Four days ago.”

  “That’s terrific! What did he say?”

  I pretended to be excited—all the while waiting gleefully to see how Kazue would answer. It was going to be so great. But Kazue pursed her lips and said nothing. I guess she was searching for a good excuse.

  “Come on, what did he say?” I asked impatiently.

  “He wrote that he wants to get together with me.”

  What a liar! I stared at Kazue’s face in blank amazement. But she just looked bashful, a blush rising to her shrunken cheeks.

  “This is what he wrote: I’ve been interested in you for some time. Thank you for praising my father’s class, that made me very happy. If you don’t mind a younger man, let’s continue sharing letters. Please feel free to ask me about my interests or anything.”

  “You’re kidding!”

  I almost believed her. I mean, Takashi said he was going to send back her letters, but there was no way I could be sure he had. And besides, he had shown an interest in that pathetic poem, so maybe he did write to her. Or maybe he was evil enough to be teasing Kazue. I realized my plan had backfired and I started to feel desperate.

  “Can I see his letter?”

  Kazue stared at my outstretched hand and a troubled look flashed across her face. She shook her head vigorously.

  “No can do. Takashi wrote that I wasn’t to show the letter to anyone. I’m sorry, I just can’t.”

  “Then why are you wearing that scarf? I thought you were going to give it to Takashi as a present.”

  Kazue brought her hand quickly to her throat. Medium-width yarn, tightly woven, interspersed with elastic thread. Each band of color was four inches wide in alternating stripes of black and yellow. I watched carefully for her reaction. Go on, what kind of excuse will you have this time?

  “I thought I’d use it as my own keepsake.”

  Ha! Caught you! I did a little dance.

  “I deserve it! I had to wait for him, didn’t I? I waited for a letter from him so I get to keep the present.”

  When I tried to grab Kazue’s scarf she batted my hand away.

  “Don’t! Your hands are dirty!”

  Her voice was threatening. I froze and stared at her. Within seconds she began to blush.

  “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”

  “That’s all right. It was my fault.”

  I turned on my heel and walked off as if I were angry. Let her chase me.

  “Wait! I was wrong to say that. I apologize.”

  Kazue came after me but I kept walking, refusing to turn around. In fact, I didn’t know what to do next. I was perplexed. What was the truth? Had Kazue really gotten a reply from Takashi or was she just making it up? The school grounds were lively with the sounds of students laughing and carrying on now that classes were over for the day. But even still I could clearly discern the sound of Kazue following me: the patter of her feet, her rough breathing, the sound her satchel made as it slapped against her short skirt.

  “I apologize. Wait. You’re the only person I have to discuss things with,” she said.

  I thought I heard her crying. I stopped and Kazue caught up. Her tearstained face crumpled and she sobbed like a child left behind by its mother. “I’m sorry. Please forgive me,” she begged

  “Why did you say such a thing? I’ve only been kind to you!”

  “I know. It’s just that the way you say things sounds so nasty that sometimes it gets on my nerves. Besides, I didn’t really mean what I said.”

  “But the two of you are really hitting it off, aren’t you. It’s just like I predicted, isn’t it?”

  Kazue stared at me blankly. Finally her face took on such a strange light it would be hard not to describe it as insane.

  “That’s right! We’re really hitting it off. Ha-ha-ha!”

  “So are you going to go on a date?”

  Kazue nodded yes in response and then let out a scream. From the window of the corridor she could see Yuriko and Takashi walking through the school gate. I quickly flung the window open.

  “Hey, wait! What are you doing?”

  Kazue turned white and looked as if she would run off at any minute. I grabbed the scarf around her neck and tore it off.

  “Stop! Stop it!” Kazue begged, as I held her against the corridor wall with all my might.

  “Takashiiii!”

  Takashi and Yuriko both turned around at the same time and looked up at me. I hung the scarf out the window with both hands and waved it wildly. Takashi, wearing a black duffle coat, stared at me suspiciously. He grabbed Yuriko around the shoulders and escort