Wishful Thinking Read online

  His eyes softened from the hard brown stone they had become to the warm melted chocolate she knew so well. “Just say you’ll think about it,” he said. “I wouldn’t ask if I thought I’d be breaking up your perfect, happy relationship—hell, that’s one reason I stopped myself from telling you how I felt for so long. But judging from some of the things you’ve been telling me lately, I don’t think you’ve been happy for quite a while. Because I don’t think your fiancé, Christian, puts your happiness first.” He took one of her hands in both of his and planted a warm, gentle kiss on her palm. “And, Phil, I would. If we were together, your happiness would always come first with me. You know that.”

  Phil felt her heart starting to race again at his gentle touch. Yes, it was true—for as long as they’d been friends, Josh had always been thoughtful and kind and gone out of his way to make sure she was happy and comfortable. For a moment she let herself imagine what it might be like, living with a man that always put her first. A man that cared more about her than himself or his career. A man—

  “…think the pink one is totally you. And it matches that little flip skirt you bought at Shopahaulic,” a high, female voice was saying outside the dressing room.

  “You don’t think it’s gonna make me look flat? Because there’s like no support. And I—” a second female voice replied.

  “No, no, don’t worry about that. You’re going to be in the pool for most of the party. You don’t need support. They float—remember?” Both voices broke into high pitched, girlish giggles as they passed by the dressing stall where Phil was currently holding her breath.

  I have to get out of here! But if she and Josh left at the same time, the girls who had just entered the dressing room would know what they had been doing. Phil had always hated calling attention to herself and this was the worst scenario she could imagine. Well, maybe leaving the bathroom of an airplane at the same time would have been more obvious, but just barely. If she walked out of here with Josh in tow she might as well be wearing a big neon sign on her forehead that read I just got some in a public dressing room!

  She pulled Josh down and whispered in his ear. “I’ll leave first. You wait five minutes before you go.”

  “Wait.” He took both her hands and spoke carefully, in a low voice. “You’ll think about what I said? Because my plane leaves tomorrow evening at six. I’m sorry to do this to you, Phil, but—”

  “I’ll think about it,” Phil promised him, feeling desperate but trying to cover it. “But I…I need time, Josh. Please!”

  “All right.” He released her hands and folded his arms over his bare chest. “I guess I’ll see you at the beach party tomorrow?”

  “Yes. Yes, we can talk about it then.” Phil nodded and slipped out of the stall, straightening her skirt and trying not to look like a woman who had just had the best and most confusing sexual experience of her life.

  As she was attempting to exit the store inconspicuously, the iPod girl at the front counter finally looked up. “Find anything that was, uh, good for you?” she asked.

  Phil felt her face heat in a blush. “Look, I didn’t mean to,” she babbled, clutching her purse. “I mean, it’s not like me to do a thing like that. He’s my best friend and I guess I’ve been attracted to him for a long time, only I couldn’t let myself admit it because I’m engaged. But seeing him in those swim trunks—I mean, did you look at him? He looks incredible. So then when I tried on that last bikini I guess I just lost it. And I know you’re not supposed to do that kind of thing in a public place like a dressing room but he was making me so hot the way he…” She shook her head. “Not that it’s his fault. If anything it’s my fault. And I’m sorry if we made a lot of noise. I guess I was screaming pretty loud there but you have to know I didn’t mean to—I just couldn’t help it! I mean, I should have stopped him instead of encouraging him. But you’re a woman too—you can understand, right?”

  She ran out of breath at last and realized that the girl was looking at her like she was crazy.

  “Uh, lady,” she said, eyes wide. “I was just, uh, making a reference to the fact that you and your friend were digging in the box of new merchandise which you are not supposed to do.”

  “Oh,” Phil said in a small voice, feeling utterly mortified.

  “Yeah.” The girl frowned, making the piercings in her eyebrows bunch up. “I had no idea you and stud-boy were getting kinky in the dressing room. Until you told me. TMI, okay?”

  “Oh, no.” Phil felt like she might start crying again. “You’re not…you wouldn’t call the police, would you?”

  The girl made a face. “Yeah, right. And have to fill out a freaking incident report form? As long as you’re not shoplifting, I really don’t give a shit.” She looked thoughtful and Phil could feel her reversed wish beginning to work. “Actually, I don’t care too much about shoplifting either,” the girl admitted. “My shift is over at five and I’m out of here. So you could be wearing half the size twelve rack under your skirt and I couldn’t care less. It’s no skin off my ass.”

  “I’m not a size twelve,” Phil said indignantly, forgetting to be embarrassed for a second.

  “Oh, no? With those hips?” Miss iPod eyed her critically. “Listen, chica, I hope you at least stole stuff that will fit you.”

  “I didn’t steal anything!” Phil nearly yelled.

  “Like I care.” The girl arched her pierced eyebrow in a look of ultimate boredom. “But do yourself a favor—next time you’re in the mood for dressing room sex, go check out Flirtz. They have padding on their seats in there. It’s much more comfortable.”

  Phil opened her mouth but nothing came out. Hunching her shoulders, she ran for the exit, feeling that she had to get out of the store soon or suffocate from humiliation.

  She made it to her car and was halfway home again before she burst into tears. What the hell was she going to do?

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  She tried to convince herself she could play it cool, but by the time she got home Phil was resigned. There was no way she could hide it from Christian. She sat on the couch, twisting her hands together, her stomach tied in knots. She knew women—plenty of women—who would have written what she had done with Josh off as a one-time fling and kept it to themselves. But Phil was learning a lot about herself—including the inconvenient little fact that she had never really learned to lie. Being a doormat meant she had always gone along with whatever other people said, and there had been no need.

  There was also the fact that she just plain felt it was wrong to cheat on her fiancé. She had felt guilty just wondering what Davis Miles looked like with his clothes off. And now she’d gotten to second base (or was it third? Sporting analogies always confused her.) with her best friend in a public dressing room. It was so tacky, so slutty, so…so damn hot! Phil felt her breath coming in little pants every time she let herself remember what it had been like—Josh down on his knees in front of her, spreading her open, kissing her, licking her, telling her he wanted her to come all over his face…

  Okay, enough of that! Phil gave herself a mental rap on the knuckles. Just because Josh stirred her in ways that Christian hadn’t in years was no reason to throw away five long years of mutual history and trust. A trust that she had now broken. But who knew, she thought, her mind going down the same path again, that her funny, kind, sweet best friend had such a hot animal side to him? Who knew he wanted to push her up against the wall and feast on her, to suck and lick and tongue her until she screamed her submission? Wait, there she went again. It was time to get serious here and think about what she was going to tell her fiancé.

  It was past eight when she finally heard his key in the lock and Phil sat up straighter, dreading what was ahead. She had rehearsed very carefully what she was going to say but when the door swung open and she saw her fiancé standing there with the hand-tooled leather briefcase she had bought him for his last birthday, all the words left her.

  “Christian?” she asked through nu