Lily Alone Read online

  ‘Here you are, darling, baby rusks,’ she said, shaking the packet at me.

  She got back into bed and started feeding me crisps, popping several into her own mouth too.

  ‘Oh dear, we’re getting a lot of crumbs in the bed,’ I said. ‘Mum will murder us when she comes home.’

  ‘No, we’ll murder her for leaving us all alone,’ said Bliss.

  ‘Hey! Bliss, that’s not like you!’

  ‘I’m not me any more. We’re all getting different.’

  ‘What, you mean Baxter’s very quiet and gentle and sensible?’ I said.

  We both giggled and dabbed our fingers round the packet for the last little crumbs of crisp.

  ‘We won’t need any breakfast now,’ I said, but when the others woke up and we were all sitting at the kitchen table, Bliss and I ate a mound of toast. I was a bit worried about the bread running out, but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t feel exactly hungry, but there was an empty sick feeling inside me and food helped fill it up.

  I was just buttering a third piece of toast when there was a knock on the front door. We all stared at each other.

  ‘Mum!’ said Pixie.

  ‘No, it won’t be Mum, silly. Mum’s got a key.’

  ‘Dad!’ said Baxter.

  ‘Your dad’s in Scotland, it won’t be him. Anyway, he’s got his own key too. Listen, we won’t answer it, just in case,’ I whispered. ‘Keep quiet, now.’

  We sat still, not even munching. There was another knock – and then the letter box rattled.

  ‘Lily! Lily Green, are you there? It’s me, Sarah,’ she called.

  She lived on the next floor up from us, and was in Mr Abbott’s class too.

  ‘What does she want?’ I decided I’d better go and see if she was going to carry on like that. I didn’t want Old Kath hearing her and shuffling down the balcony to investigate.

  I went to the door and opened it a crack, peering round. Yes, it was Sarah in her green checked school dress.

  ‘Aren’t you up yet?’ she said, squinting at my pyjamas.

  ‘No, I’ve got a bug. We’ve all got it. Don’t come too near, Sarah.’

  ‘OK, don’t breathe your germs on me! Anyway, Mr Abbott wants to know if you’re coming on the gallery trip tomorrow. He says to tell you he’s saved a place on the coach.’

  ‘Oh! But I haven’t paid.’

  ‘He says you’re not to worry about that. It sounds as if he’s going to pay for you.’

  ‘Really! Oh, he’s so lovely!’

  Sarah wrinkled her nose. ‘Mr Abbott? He’s not lovely, he’s weird.’

  ‘No, he’s not.’

  ‘Well, you would say that, because you’re a bit weird too,’ she said.

  ‘Will you tell him thank you?’

  ‘Yes, OK. And I’ll say you’re coming?’

  I hesitated. I badly wanted to go on the school trip with Mr Abbott. I imagined this gallery lined with famous paintings and Mr Abbott and me walking round it together. Mr Abbott would tell me about each painting and then ask me solemnly if I liked it, acting like he really wanted to know . . .

  ‘I’ll come if – if I’m better,’ I said.

  Pixie scrabbled at my back, squeezing through my legs.

  ‘Mum?’ she said.

  ‘What?’ said Sarah. ‘I’m not your mum, dopey!’

  ‘Pixie’s not very well either,’ I said, picking her up. ‘Come on, darling, we’d better put you back in bed. Bye, Sarah.’

  I shut the door on her. Pixie struggled with me.

  ‘Not bed, not bed, don’t want to go back to bed.’

  ‘No, I was just pretending. It’s OK, Pixie.’ I let her run back to the kitchen. I stayed in the hall, thinking about lovely Mr Abbott. Could I risk going to school on Wednesday? Could we all go? But they’d wonder where Mum was – they’d certainly ask at the nursery – and Pixie would talk. Was there any way she could stay at home? Bliss could perhaps look after her? No, Bliss was far too little. She could maybe manage Pixie but she’d never be able to control Baxter, he walked all over her. I couldn’t leave them. I couldn’t go to the gallery.

  I stamped back to the kitchen, wishing I was an only child. Everything the kids said got on my nerves. I’d planned to take them back to the magic garden in the park but it was a grey, gloomy day, already drizzling, and by the time we’d all got dressed it was really pouring with rain.

  ‘Well, we’ll just have to stay in instead,’ I said, sighing.

  ‘I’m going out,’ said Baxter. ‘I don’t mind a bit of rain. I’m going to that park.’

  ‘No, you’re not. No one goes out when it rains like this. People will notice and think it’s weird.’

  ‘No one will see me if no one goes out,’ said Baxter triumphantly. ‘I’m going, so there. You can’t stop me.’

  ‘Stop being such a pain, Baxter.’

  ‘No, you’re the pain, bossing us about. I’m nearly as big as you and I’m the boy anyway. I should do the bossing. So you can just shut your big mouth, right? I’m going out.’

  ‘Oh, go out then, see if I care,’ I snapped.

  ‘Right! Well, I’m going,’ said Baxter.

  ‘OK. Go!’ I said.

  ‘Yes, watch me,’ said Baxter, and he marched out. He slammed the front door behind him as hard as he could.

  ‘Oh, great, Baxter, let Old Kath know too,’ I muttered.

  ‘Baxter’s naughty,’ said Pixie.

  ‘Yes, he is,’ I said.

  ‘He won’t really go to the park, will he?’ said Bliss. ‘He might get lost.’

  ‘Good,’ I said.

  Bliss started nibbling at her fingers.

  ‘Don’t look so anxious. You’re such a wuss, Bliss. Of course he won’t be going all the way to the park. He might go as far as the den, but I doubt it. He’s probably just lurking on the balcony. He wants us to worry but I’m not worried one little bit. Now, are you girls going to help me wash up?’

  I fetched a chair for Pixie and she stood at the sink with Bliss, washing up the dishes. They poured so much washing-up liquid into the bowl that soapsuds came up to their armpits. When they’d done all the dishes I fetched my old Barbie dolls and they gave them a deluxe spa treatment.

  I kept listening out for Baxter. Every now and then I thought I heard him and went running to the door, but there was never anyone there. I hung over the balcony, peering along to the playground, but I couldn’t see him there. It was still bucketing down, so if he had any sense whatsoever he’d be huddled up in the den, out of sight.

  I waited until the Barbies had had their plunge baths and massage and their hair newly styled, and I’d organized a glamour photo shoot in the studio under the kitchen table. Bliss and Pixie laughed uproariously as I made the Barbies show off their pointy chests and strut about provocatively, but Bliss’s laughter sounded high-pitched and hysterical, and I knew she was near tears.

  Baxter was generally pretty mean to his sister, bossing her around and giving her a thump whenever he felt like it, but she acted like she’d lost an arm and a leg whenever they were apart. Maybe it was a twin thing and she simply couldn’t help it. Pixie didn’t seem to be missing Baxter at all.

  ‘Lily,’ Bliss whispered, as we dressed the Barbies. ‘Lily, do you think Baxter’s all right?’

  ‘No, Baxter’s all wrong, we all know that,’ I joked. ‘OK, OK, I’ll go and fetch him back. He’ll be hiding in the den. You shouldn’t worry so, Bliss.’

  I went to get my coat and tied Mum’s leopard-print scarf over my head.

  ‘Can we come too?’

  ‘No, you stay here, Bliss, with Pixie. There’s no point all of us getting soaked. Now, be good girls, won’t you, and don’t answer the door to anyone.’

  I went out, along the balcony, creeping past Old Kath’s and down the stairs. I wondered if Baxter might simply be hiding there on the stairwell, but there was no sign of him. I sighed, and trudged across the yard towards the playground.

  The rain pelted down