Lily Alone Read online

  An old lady was feeding the ducks on the pond with her little grandson, about Pixie’s age.

  ‘She’s our special royal zoo-keeper,’ I whispered. ‘We don’t just have ducks, you know. We have all sorts of birds – swans and geese and pelicans and flamingos – and in those other big deep ponds, the ones where we paddled, we have our very own dolphins.’

  The toddler grandson was rubbish at feeding the ducks. He couldn’t get the hang of throwing the bread at all. He just let go and each piece fell down onto his feet.

  ‘No, dear, you have to throw it,’ said his grandma. ‘Use your arm a bit.’

  She showed him and he tried to copy her, but he hurled his whole body forward and toppled into the water before she could catch hold of him.

  ‘Oh, Benjie!’ she shrieked, trying to reach him.

  ‘I’ll haul him out. You’ll spoil your trousers,’ I said, wading in and scooping him up. He was perfectly all right, just soaking wet up to his armpits, but he was howling his head off.

  ‘Oh dear, oh dear, we’d better get you home, you silly sausage,’ said his grandma. She handed the packet of sliced bread over to me. ‘Perhaps you’d like to feed the ducks, dear?’

  I didn’t feed the ducks, I fed the four of us. The bread wasn’t even stale and there were two proper slices each, and an end crust to divide into four. We were very thirsty then so we went to the toilets at the other end of the garden and drank cold water from the tap. Pixie found this fun but difficult and got her T-shirt soaked, but it definitely needed a bit of a wash.

  ‘Will you go and nick us more stuff for lunch, Lily?’ Baxter said.

  ‘We’ve still got some fruit left back at our tree. Maybe I’ll get something for supper. Or maybe . . .’ I didn’t finish my sentence out loud. Maybe we’ll be back home with Mum, I thought.

  I tried to think it through for hours. I was worried about us all trailing home to see if Mum was there. It would unsettle Pixie for a start, when she’d calmed down at last and didn’t even mention Mum any more. It would be much better if I nipped home quickly, to check whether Mum was back or not, and then rushed right back to the park. I imagined Mum and me together, hugging each other, and then Mum telling me all about her holiday.

  I was really hoping it hadn’t worked out at all. With a bit of luck she’d be well over this Gordon by now. I wanted her to tell me all about him. We’d maybe have a laugh or even a cry together. Then Mum would come with me and we’d collect the kids and then go off and have fish and chips for supper back home. I’d put the kids to bed and then I’d have a cup of tea with Mum and she’d tell me I’d done a grand job looking after them.

  ‘I’d trust you with the kids any time, Lily,’ she’d say. ‘But don’t worry, I’m never ever ever going away without you again.’ And we’d give each other a kiss and it would all end happily ever after, just like a fairy story.

  It would be so disappointing if Mum wasn’t back at the flat. I could take it, but the others couldn’t. So I waited till late afternoon, when we were all playing back at our tree.

  ‘Now listen, you lot. I want you all to get into our tree, just like you’re going to bed. I need to know you’re all hidden away safe, out of trouble. I’m going to go off and – and see about supper,’ I said.

  ‘I’m coming with you, Lily!’ said Baxter. ‘You need me to get over the wall.’

  ‘No, I need you to stay here and look after Bliss and Pixie. You’re in charge, Baxter, OK?’

  He fidgeted, wondering whether he wanted to argue or not.

  ‘The girls can’t manage without you,’ I said.

  Baxter nodded at me solemnly.

  ‘OK then, Lily. Don’t worry. I’m in charge.’

  ‘You will be all right, Lily?’ Bliss asked.

  ‘Of course,’ I said. I bent near her, as if I was giving her a kiss, and whispered in her ear. ‘You’re in charge really, Bliss. Look after Pixie for me.’

  I helped them all scramble into the tree and then I set off, running. It seemed so strange to be on my own. I felt so little and light without the others tagging on. I was so used to looking out for them, telling them what to do, thinking up games for them. I reached the park gates in no time. It felt even stranger running out of the park, feeling hard pavement under my feet instead of grass and sandy path. I had to lean on a gatepost to get my breath, rubbing the stitch in my side.

  Please be back home, Mum, I said inside my head. Please, please, please.

  I walked on down the road, round the corner, up the hill, my heart thumping. I went in the entrance to the estate and then started running again all the way to our block. Up the stairs, panting now, then waiting in the stairwell to catch my breath, tiptoeing past Old Kath’s, along the balcony to our yellow door. I stood in front of it, fists clenched, and then I timidly rattled the letter box. I waited. I tried again, louder now. Perhaps she still hadn’t heard me. I bent down and called through the letter box.

  ‘Mum? Mum, are you there?’

  I heard someone moving behind me. I whipped round – but it was just Old Kath in her scuffed slippers.

  ‘What are you calling your mum for? She ain’t in there, is she?’ she said.

  ‘I – I don’t know.’

  ‘Yes, you know all right. She’s done a runner, hasn’t she? We’ve had all sorts round here, knocking at your door – teachers, social workers, even the police.’

  I felt sick. I leaned against our door, my hand over my mouth.

  ‘Yes, they’ve all been on the lookout for you. Where’ve you been hiding? They came and told me all about it, acting like I’d got you, asking this, asking that, peering all round my flat. Where are the others, Lily? Bliss and Baxter and Pixie. Such bally silly names! Where does your mother get them from, that’s what I’d like to know. Who does she think she is?’ She chuntered on, her little eyes beady with excitement, lipstick smeared sideways on her mouth.

  ‘You shut up about my mum, you ugly old witch,’ I said.

  ‘What? Don’t you stand there mouthing off at me! Oh, you’re in so much trouble, you and your brother and sisters.’ She pounced on me, grabbing my arm. ‘You’re coming back to my flat while I call the police!’

  ‘Are you mad? Get off me!’ I thumped her hard in her horrible old-lady chest and ran for it.

  I scurried down the dark stairwell and made for the dustbin sheds. I hid inside that horrible smelly shed and cried. I’d let myself believe Mum really would be back and yet she was obviously still in Spain, not giving a toss about us. And Mr Abbott had clearly got suspicious and told tales, and now everyone was after us. We’d get taken into care and Mum would be put in prison.

  Our only hope was to stay hidden in the park until Mum came back at last, and then pretend we were all away with her. Old Kath would poke her nose in and say she’d seen me, but who would believe a mad old lady like her? Yes, that’s what I had to do: stay hidden in the park till tomorrow, or next week, or whenever. Meanwhile I had to find something for the kids to eat.

  I wondered about scrambling up into the rubbish bins and foraging there, but they all smelled so bad. I was sure any food would be rotten. I couldn’t risk poisoning the kids.

  I wiped my eyes and nose with my T-shirt and then crept out. I scurried away from the estate, sure everyone was looking at me, worried that they all knew about Mum. I went up to the little parade of shops. I wondered if I dared try to nick some chocolate from Mr Patel’s, but he didn’t let kids into his shop on their own.

  The smell from the chippy was making my mouth water. I stood outside, breathing in the wonderful warm salty smell. Joe, the chippy man, saw me lurking and waved.

  ‘Hey there, Lily. Come for five fish suppers?’

  I hesitated. I liked Joe and he’d always seemed to like me, giving me extra chips or adding the odd little bit of batter to my portion. There was no one else in the shop. I stepped in, swallowing, trying to get up the nerve.

  ‘What’s up with you then, chickie?’ he said.