Lola Rose Read online

  ‘That’s what Jake says. But he says Mum should still go and get the lump taken out.’

  ‘Well, obviously.’

  ‘What do you think will happen if she doesn’t? Will the lump get bigger and bigger and bigger?’ I saw an awful image of Mum with one breast blowing up like a balloon, all warty and revolting.

  ‘Maybe,’ said Harpreet. ‘Don’t look so scared though. Your mum will be all right, honest.’

  ‘Do you promise?’ I said foolishly, as if Harpreet was a medical expert and a fortune teller.

  ‘I promise promise promise,’ said Harpreet firmly.

  Mum was out when Kendall and I got back from school.

  ‘Has she gone to the hospital?’ I asked Jake.

  ‘You know she won’t go near the place. She’s mad if you ask me,’ said Jake. He had Mum’s make-up mirror propped up in front of him, so he could draw himself. He stopped, looked at the piece of paper, sighed and crumpled it up. He started on a fresh page, screwing up his eyes to look at himself.

  ‘Let’s play on the computer, Jake,’ said Kendall, tugging at his arm.

  ‘Leave off, mate. No, the computer’s stuffed. You’ve been mucking about on it, haven’t you?’

  ‘No!’ said Kendall. ‘Well. Not much. You can fix it, Jake. You always fix it.’

  ‘I can’t fix it this time,’ said Jake. ‘Will you leave off, Kendall, you’re jogging me.’

  Kendall’s face crumpled.

  ‘Come on, Kendall, I’ll see if I can get the computer working,’ I said, switching it on, though I knew zilch about boring old computers.

  ‘It’s stuffed, I tell you,’ said Jake, switching it off again.

  ‘Well, couldn’t you just play with Kendall for two minutes? Look, he’s crying.’

  ‘He’s always bawling,’ said Jake. ‘I’ve never known such a crybaby. I’ve got this portrait assignment, OK? I’m late handing it in as it is. Very very late. You do realize I’ve hardly set foot in college since I met your mum?’ He said it as if we’d sellotaped him to the chair.

  ‘You could do Kendall’s portrait, couldn’t you? Or mine? Look!’ I copied one of Mum’s favourite poses, head tilted up, mouth slightly open, chest thrust forward, hand on hip, one knee slightly bent.

  ‘For God’s sake,’ said Jake cruelly.

  I rushed off to the bathroom, not wanting Jake to call me a crybaby too. ‘I hate him,’ I muttered, hugging myself.

  I wanted my mum.

  She didn’t come back for tea. Jake didn’t seem to care too much. They’d obviously had another row. He went on moodily sketching until way past tea time. I made baked beans on toast for Kendall and me. I didn’t make Jake anything to show I was mad at him.

  ‘Mum will be late for her evening shift down the pub,’ I said.

  ‘That’s her look-out,’ said Jake. ‘As if I care.’

  ‘Why are you being so horrible?’

  ‘Look, it’s not me. I’m not the one that’s changed. This is all getting so heavy.’

  ‘Mum can’t help having this lump.’

  ‘Yeah, but she won’t deal with it like any normal woman. She has to make all this into such a drama. It’s probably nothing. Women have lumps all the time, it doesn’t mean it’s – it’s—’

  ‘Cancer,’ I said.

  ‘What’s cancer?’ said Kendall.

  ‘It’s an illness,’ said Jake.

  Kendall paused, pushing baked beans from one side of his plate to the other. ‘Is Mum really sick?’

  ‘Sick in the head, more like,’ said Jake.

  ‘She’s sick in the head putting up with you,’ I said. I golloped my baked beans and ate Kendall’s leftovers too. I still felt empty so I ran my finger round the baked bean tin to lick up the juice.

  ‘Don’t do that, you’ll cut yourself,’ said Jake.

  I took no notice – and then caught my finger on the jagged edge of the tin. ‘Ouch!’

  ‘You idiot,’ said Jake. ‘I told you.’

  He held my throbbing finger under the cold tap and then wrapped it up in one of Mum’s scarves because we didn’t have a bandage or a hankie.

  ‘Mum will create if I get blood on it,’ I said.

  ‘Tough,’ said Jake. ‘She should be here to look after you.’

  ‘Don’t you love her any more, Jake?’

  He tied the scarf in a neat bow, frowning. ‘Look, I never said I loved your mum. I mean, it’s been great – she can be so cute and silly and funny when she’s not in one of her moods. But this was never like a for ever thing.’

  I pulled away from him so abruptly that the scarf unravelled. ‘Mum thinks it’s for ever.’

  ‘You could have fooled me. You should have heard the things she said to me this afternoon,’ said Jake sulkily. ‘Watch out, you’ll make your finger bleed again. Give it here.’

  ‘I’ll do it,’ I said, fiddling with the end of the scarf. ‘I knew you two had had a row.’

  ‘Your mum’s certainly got a big mouth on her,’ said Jake. ‘Was she that lippy with your dad, eh?’

  I stood still. I pressed my lips together.

  ‘What is it with your dad?’ said Jake. ‘Your mum gets that exact expression if I ever mention him.’

  ‘Yeah. Well. We don’t talk about him.’

  ‘You kids don’t get to see him ever?’ Jake looked over at Kendall, who was sitting in the corner, muttering to George. ‘Kendall misses him a lot, you know. I guess that’s why he’s all over me.’

  ‘He likes you. He thought you were for ever too. Like a new dad.’

  ‘You must be joking! I’m not old enough to be a dad. I’m only twenty, for God’s sake.’

  ‘My mum had me when she was seventeen. Jake, where is she? Do you think she’s gone straight to the pub to do her shift?’

  ‘I tell you, I don’t know. She just went storming out. She’s lucky I didn’t do the same. What would you kids have done then, eh?’

  ‘We’d be fine. Mum knows I can look after Kendall.’

  ‘I suppose you can. Better than your mum!’

  I couldn’t help being pleased he said that, even though it was mean to Mum. I didn’t know what to do about her. I knew she’d probably be all right. She’d run off before, several times, sometimes when we were living back with Dad, sometimes since. She was often away for ages but she always came back.

  I knew that. But I still worried. Maybe she’d gone storming off in such a rage she hadn’t looked when she crossed the road. Maybe she’d seen a car coming and she was in such a state she’d darted across anyway. Maybe she was so scared about the lump and losing her looks she wanted to get knocked over . . .

  I put on my denim jacket.

  ‘What are you up to, Lola Rose?’ said Jake, as I walked towards the door.

  ‘I’m going out.’

  ‘Oh no, you’re not playing that trick on me again.’

  ‘I’m going looking for Mum.’

  ‘No you’re not. You’re staying right here. Don’t even try arguing with me this time.’

  ‘You can’t stop me,’ I said.

  Maybe he could. He wasn’t scary like my dad but he was quite strong. I’d seen him lift Mum up in his arms as easily as I lifted Kendall. I didn’t feel like lucky Lola Rose who might sweet-talk her way round him. I felt like stupid, sad Jayni. So I took my denim jacket off again and played with Kendall for a bit and then put him to bed.

  I cuddled up beside him. My hand was sore so I stuck it into my armpit. It was very painful just getting a tiny cut. I wondered what it would feel like to have a large lump of breast sliced off your body.

  I hugged Kendall tight, his feathery hair tickling my chin. I breathed in his sweet, warm smell. He moaned in his sleep and fought himself free, stretching out in a windmill shape so I couldn’t cuddle him. It felt as if he was abandoning me.

  I must have gone to sleep at some time – and then woke with a start when the door banged. I heard voices, Mum laughing, sounding funny. Jake said something. Then so