Little Stars Read online

  I ran upstairs as best I could, trying to stifle my sobs.

  Diamond was leaning up in bed on one elbow. ‘Hetty?’ she whispered, sounding frightened.

  ‘Sorry, darling. I didn’t mean to wake you.’

  ‘You’re crying! What’s the matter? And you smell funny. A bit like Samson.’

  ‘Don’t!’ I burst out crying afresh, casting myself down on the bed.

  ‘There now. Don’t cry. Are you sad because you won’t be Alice any more?’ she whispered anxiously, smoothing my tousled hair.

  ‘I won’t be anything any more!’ I wailed. ‘I’ve spoiled everything, for you as well as for me. I’ve lost us our lodgings as well as our position at the Cavalcade. We’re ruined, Diamond, and it’s all my fault.’

  ‘Tell me what you’ve done,’ she said, holding me close. ‘I promise I won’t mind, no matter what it is. You’re my Hetty and I love you, and everything will be all right, just so long as we can be together.’

  So I sobbed out the whole sorry tale, half expecting her to pull away from me in disgust too. But she held me close and did her best to comfort me.

  ‘Samson’s a big horrid pig. Poor you, Hetty. I would hate to have him kiss me. Mrs Ruby’s horrid too. We don’t want to work at the Cavalcade any more. We don’t want to stay at Miss Gibson’s either, though she does give us lots of treats. Still, you’ve sewn her lots of lovely dresses, so I think we’re even.’

  ‘But what shall we do, Diamond? Mrs Ruby’s going to make sure we don’t work anywhere else. Miss Gibson doesn’t want us here any more. Where shall we go?’

  ‘We could go to Bertie’s! That would be lovely,’ she said.

  Bertie! I thought about him, my mind whirling. I put my head in my hands, trying to steady it.

  Think, think, think, I muttered to myself.

  ‘We can’t tell Bertie about Samson,’ I said.

  ‘But he’ll believe you, Hetty, I know he will.’

  ‘Yes, he knows what Samson is like. So what do you think he’ll do?’

  ‘He’ll be very cross,’ said Diamond.

  ‘Of course he will. He’ll try to fight Samson, won’t he? And who do you think will win?’

  ‘Samson,’ she whispered.

  ‘Exactly.’

  ‘Bertie might win. I’m sure he’s very good at fighting.’

  ‘Samson could beat anyone. Remember, they said he used to be a strongman. He’ll fight, and Bertie will do his best to fight back – he won’t give up, you know what he’s like. Bertie will end up horribly hurt.’

  ‘I don’t want him to be hurt!’

  ‘Neither do I, Diamond. And then Mrs Ruby might dismiss him, because she always takes Samson’s side.’

  ‘But that wouldn’t be fair.’

  ‘She isn’t fair, you know she isn’t. And if Bertie gets dismissed from the Cavalcade, he won’t be able to work anywhere else either, she’ll make sure of that. It’s been his dream to be a music-hall artiste ever since he was small. He loves working here. Remember when we first met him, how he showed off to us? I’ll never forgive myself if he loses his job.’ I started crying again. What was the matter with me? Why did I always spoil things for the people I loved? I had made Jem unhappy on his wedding day. I couldn’t make Bertie wretched too.

  I twisted his gold Mizpah ring round and round. No one else could make me laugh like Bertie, no one else could surprise me so, no one else knew me through and through, not even Jem. We were a matching pair, the foundling girl and the workhouse boy, both of us cocky and ambitious and determined. That was why we got on so well – and why we bickered constantly. Perhaps we could never be properly happy together, because we were so alike.

  ‘I can’t tell Bertie and wreck his life. We’ll run away, Diamond, without telling him why.’

  ‘But he’ll be so sad!’ she said. ‘He’ll think we don’t care about him any more.’

  ‘I know, but it’s the only fair thing to do.’

  ‘I shall miss him so,’ Diamond said mournfully.

  ‘So shall I,’ I said. ‘Oh Lord, my head. It’s still spinning. Never, ever drink alcohol, Diamond. It feels good at first, but then it makes you feel so wretched.’

  ‘I know,’ she said. ‘My pa drank and drank and we always had to keep out of his way. Well, after Ma died I had to keep out of his way whether he was drunk or sober because he hated me so.’

  She said it so matter-of-factly, it nearly broke my heart. It was better to have grown up without a father than to have one who’d sold me for five guineas. When I had eventually found my father, it was a joy to discover that he was a sweet, kindly man, even though I didn’t care for his new family.

  ‘Perhaps we can travel up north again, to stay with my father?’ I said as we settled down to sleep.

  ‘The fisherman? But you said you didn’t like the fish, Hetty,’ said Diamond.

  It was true that I had hated their staring eyes and gaping mouths, their slimy scales and hot guts – the reek that clung to my hands no matter how hard I scrubbed. I couldn’t bear to be a fishergirl again. I could never be part of that harsh salty world – and if I couldn’t fit in, Diamond would find it even harder, with her startling looks and dainty ways. My fierce stepmother had never liked me. She’d like Diamond even less.

  ‘Perhaps we won’t go to stay with my father after all,’ I said. ‘So where can we go?’

  I shut my eyes tight and tried to ask Mama.

  Diamond answered first. ‘We’ll go and see Madame Adeline and Mr Marvel,’ she said.

  ‘Oh yes! Yes, we will! I don’t suppose we can stay there for ever, it’s only a small cottage, and we’ll have to earn our living, but we could stay a few days. Oh, Diamond, of course, that’s where we’ll go.’

  ‘And Madame Adeline will call us her little stars and we will tell her all about our act,’ said Diamond.

  ‘We will show her! She will be so proud of us. Oh, wait, I’ve left the penny-farthing at the Cavalcade,’ I groaned.

  ‘No, Bertie and I took it. He tried to ride it but he can’t balance the way you can, Hetty. He had to wheel it most of the way home. It’s in the back yard.’

  ‘Dear Bertie,’ I said, clasping my ring tight.

  ‘I’m sure Mr Marvel could ride the penny-farthing, even though he’s very elderly. He was always very nimble – he taught me how to tumble without hurting myself. Perhaps we can train his monkeys to ride our penny-farthing too!’ said Diamond. ‘Little Mavis could scamper up and sit on my head. That would look splendid. We can have a whole new act!’

  ‘For a circus?’

  ‘No, not a circus!’ said Diamond firmly. ‘I never want to be a circus girl again. But perhaps we could perform in a marketplace? When I used to do my little show folk gave me lots of pennies. Shall we do that?’

  ‘Perhaps,’ I said, fighting back tears again.

  I’d been a circus ringmaster, a music-hall star, a leading actress – but now it looked as if I would have to content myself with being a lowly street performer. It wasn’t just a matter of pride. All my life I had fought to progress upwards, but in the past few hours I seemed to be tumbling down again.

  Throughout that long queasy night I thought of Madame Adeline. I conjured her up as she used to be, strong and lithe in her pink spangles, leaping from horse to horse, her red hair gleaming in the harsh circus gaslight. When I slept at last, I dreamed she’d turned into Marina Royal, proclaiming Juliet’s speech as she rode round and round, her own red hair unravelling, flying behind her like a cloak. I pedalled hard on the penny-farthing, scarcely able to keep my balance, while clowns threw buckets of water at me and the audience shouted abuse.

  When I woke, the room had stopped circling, but my head hammered and I felt so sick I had to rush out to the privy in the back yard.

  Miss Gibson was waiting for me in the kitchen, fully dressed, arms folded. ‘There! You’ve been sick, haven’t you!’ she asked.

  I nodded wanly.

  ‘It serves you right. Th