Little Stars Read online

  But I lay awake a long time, tormented by images of Bertie and Ivy Green entwined. Diamond slept fitfully, and was awake again before dawn. I woke to find her crouching by the mirror, peering at herself by the light of the candle.

  ‘Careful! Watch your hair! Goodness, I wish you wouldn’t light that candle by yourself,’ I said, leaping out of bed. ‘What are you doing?’

  ‘I’m seeing if I really look like a ghost,’ said Diamond.

  ‘Take no notice of that stupid Ivy – she was talking nonsense. You’re just a bit pale, that’s all,’ I said. ‘We just need to put the roses back in your cheeks.’

  Sea air!

  The words suddenly came into my head. Was it Mama? Was it me? It didn’t matter. It was a truly excellent idea!

  ‘I’M TAKING YOU to the seaside, Diamond,’ I said. ‘If we get up now, quiet as little mice so as not to wake Miss Gibson, we might well catch the milk train. We’ll ask the man in the ticket office about the connections. I want to take you to the best seaside ever!’

  ‘Are we running away again?’ she asked.

  ‘No, this is going to be a special day trip. It will make us feel so much better. Have you ever seen the sea? It’s so wonderful – so big. We’ll run on the sand and paddle and maybe ride a donkey. And then I will take you to the most special place ever! Just you wait and see.’

  We got dressed and I cut us slices of bread and jam and filled a bottle with water to drink on the train. I put our wages in my purse. I also pocketed a tape measure and some scraps from bolts of material on Miss Gibson’s shelves.

  ‘What are they for?’ asked Diamond.

  ‘You’ll see! Now, I’d better write Miss Gibson a note to explain where we’ve gone,’ I said.

  ‘Shouldn’t we invite her to come to the seaside too?’

  ‘No, she’s still asleep. And she’ll want to go to church. This is a special outing just for you and me,’ I said, hurriedly scribbling a few sentences.

  ‘And Bertie?’

  ‘Oh, bother Bertie. We don’t need him. We’ll go and have a lovely time, just us. Come on!’

  Diamond started hurrying. There was something about her automatic obedience that worried me. Does she have to do everything you say? I hated Ivy Green!

  ‘You don’t have to come to the seaside if you don’t want to,’ I said, when Diamond rushed back from the outside privy.

  She stopped short, looking worried. ‘Don’t you want to any more, Hetty?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Then I do too.’

  ‘Yes, but you don’t have to do everything I do. You can argue or shout back or tell me I’m stupid. If you want.’

  Diamond blinked at me. ‘Is that what you want me to do?’

  ‘Oh, I give up! Come on then. Seaside, here we come!’

  It was a much longer journey than I remembered, but Diamond enjoyed the train ride itself, standing at the door, hanging onto the window strap and peering out at the countryside.

  ‘We’re going so fast!’ she kept shouting, above the noise of the train.

  ‘Fast-to-the-sea! Fast-to-the-sea!’ I sang, to the rhythm of the clacking wheels. After a few minutes all the folk crammed into our third-class carriage started singing it too.

  We’d eaten our jam sandwich and drunk our water within half an hour, but everybody else had great picnic hampers, and generously shared them round. Diamond and I feasted on chicken legs and pork pies and mutton pasties and custard tarts. We wouldn’t need any lunch when we got to the seaside – maybe just a hokey-pokey ice cream or two!

  We drew in to the last station on the line.

  ‘Bignor-on-Sea! Bignor-on-Sea! Your journey ends here, ladies and gentlemen. Please vacate the train!’ the porters shouted.

  ‘Bignor?’ said Diamond. ‘Oh, Hetty! This is where you lived once, isn’t it? And your mama.’

  ‘Yes, my lovely mama lived here too . . .’ I swallowed.

  I live in your heart now, my Hetty.

  ‘Will you be sad now?’ Diamond asked softly.

  ‘No, I’m going to be very happy showing you the seaside,’ I said.

  I took Diamond’s hand and we walked out of the crowded station, down the street, round the corner – and there was the sea spread out before us, blue-grey and glistening, the crest of the waves whipped white in the breeze.

  ‘Oooooh!’ Diamond gasped.

  ‘Look to the left. Look to the right. Sea, all sea,’ I said.

  ‘Isn’t it wonderful! And all the yellow carpet.’

  ‘That’s sand, lovely soft sand.’

  ‘People are walking on it.’

  ‘We’ll walk on it too. Take your shoes and socks off. I will too.’

  We sat on the steps baring our feet, and then jumped down from the promenade onto the beach.

  ‘Oh, it feels funny!’ said Diamond, curling her toes and waddling weirdly.

  ‘Let’s run.’

  We raced backwards and forwards. The wind seized my hair and unravelled half my careful topknot, so I let it all free. It flew about my head like a red flag. Then we went right down to the damp dark sand at the very edge of the sea. Diamond went rushing forward, and then squealed because she hadn’t expected the sea to be so very cold.

  ‘It’ll get warmer in a minute. We’ll paddle together,’ I said.

  We waded in the shallows, watching bolder swimmers emerging from the bathing machines and taking an all-over dip.

  ‘Don’t they look funny in their combinations!’ cried Diamond.

  ‘You could do with some yourself. Look at your dress – it’s soaking!’

  ‘Oh dear,’ said Diamond, flapping it worriedly.

  ‘It’s all right, it’ll dry in the sun. Look at those donkeys! Would you like a ride on a donkey, Diamond?’

  The rides were only for children, but I was small enough to pass as a child myself. I waited to ride the donkey I’d always chosen, the little grey one called Polly with a cross on her back. She gave me a little whinnying greeting, almost as if she remembered me. Diamond picked one called Rosie, and whispered to her lovingly all the way up the beach and back.

  Then we went to the hokey-pokey cart and chose two vanilla ice creams with strawberry sauce.

  ‘This is the best food ever!’ said Diamond, licking extravagantly.

  She got ice cream all down the front of her dress, but I didn’t tell her in case she started worrying. She looked so happy now. The dark circles under her eyes were fading and her cheeks were pink again.

  ‘I like Bignor better than anywhere else in the world,’ she declared. ‘Can’t we come and live here, Hetty?’

  ‘Maybe one day,’ I said. ‘Shall I show you the house I’d like to live in? It’s very pretty.’

  I didn’t need to consult the big map of the town on the promenade. I’d never forget the way. We walked along the rose-pink pavement, down Victoria Avenue, all the way to Saltdean Lane. There were all the pretty villas painted cream and apricot and lilac, with bright window boxes and tubs of flowers.

  ‘Oh yes, I love these little houses!’ said Diamond. ‘Which one shall we choose? Could we maybe have the very pale purple one?’

  ‘We could – but wait till you see number eighteen,’ I told her.

  It was painted cream with a blue door, and there were the pink hydrangeas on either side, looking so fresh and pretty.

  ‘Oh yes, this one’s lovely! I wonder what it’s like inside,’ said Diamond.

  ‘It’s crammed full of knick-knacks and it’s all rather old-fashioned and dark and stuffy because the owner is a mean old lady who doesn’t care for anyone but herself – but when we move in, we can make it beautiful. We shall just own a few beautiful things and have modern cotton curtains in designs by Mr William Morris because we’ll be very artistic ladies,’ I declared. ‘We’ll change every room except one – the little attic room right at the top of the house.’

  ‘Why won’t we change that one?’

  ‘Because that’s where Mama slept,’ I