Little Stars Read online

  ‘Yes, but Diamond and I need to rehearse together all the same. And we can’t go as far as Ledbury Hill anyway. What if we were late back? Mrs Ruby will sack me on the spot if I’m so much as a second late on stage. No, Bertie. It’s out of the question.’

  Bertie looked at me. Diamond looked at me. Miss Gibson looked at me.

  ‘Don’t!’ I said. ‘I’m sorry. I’d like to go, truly, but I just couldn’t relax and enjoy myself.’

  They were still looking. Diamond seemed especially stricken. I struggled with myself. It was so hard. I’d got so used to thinking about myself and my own needs. It was the only way to survive at the Foundling Hospital. No one else looked out for you, so you were lost if you didn’t look out for yourself. Out in the world at the age of fourteen, you had to keep struggling, especially if you didn’t want to stay a sad little servant for ever.

  The only person I’d cared for more than myself had been Mama. She’d meant the whole world to me – no, the entire universe. I’d loved her more than the moon, the sun, every twinkling silver star in the sky. I’d have dusted a thousand houses daily for her, trekked a thousand miles barefoot to seek her out. And where had it got me? I’d found her but I couldn’t keep her. She’d died, and I’d felt my heart shrinking, withering into a hard little shell like a walnut.

  I loved my father, I loved Jem, I loved Bertie, but not with the same intensity. I’d liked little Diamond from the moment I found her lying under a wagon, sobbing bitterly, but I never thought I’d grow to love her. She sometimes irritated me, bored me, exasperated me – but I’d grown to care about her more than anyone.

  ‘All right, we will go for a picnic,’ I said.

  ‘To Ledbury Hill?’

  ‘Yes, yes, where else. It’s lovely there.’

  ‘Yes, isn’t it!’ said Diamond, hugging me.

  Miss Gibson scurried to the kitchen to start packing a picnic.

  Bertie took my hand. ‘We don’t have to go if it’s really going to worry you,’ he said.

  ‘I was just being silly. It will do me good to think about something else for a change. And Diamond will love it.’

  ‘And will you?’

  ‘Yes, of course,’ I said.

  I did have a good day. It wasn’t hot and sunny, it was a grey day – positively chilly at the top of the hill, but I made everyone stand in a ring, and Diamond and I showed Bertie and Miss Gibson how to do the Lobster-Quadrille to warm us up. Bertie picked up the steps almost immediately. I expected Miss Gibson to flounder, but she was surprisingly spry and nimble. She couldn’t quite manage every intricate step, but she did a remarkable approximation. I knew it by heart but danced in a jerky fashion, as if I were Little Pip. Diamond was the true star, moving with such ease, her blue dolly shoes tapping away.

  ‘Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you join the dance!’ we all sang, and then we stepped faster and faster until we all collapsed in a heap, laughing uproariously, as warm as toast.

  Our picnic wasn’t as splendid as the original one because we’d had no time to prepare anything.

  ‘I miss your apple pie, Hetty,’ said Bertie.

  He didn’t cook us steaks this time, but he’d brought thick slices of honey roasted ham, and Miss Gibson had found tomatoes and lettuce and pickled beetroot in her larder. We ate our ham salad with wedges of bread and butter, then devoured a whole fruit cake between us, washed down with pink lemonade.

  ‘Oh my goodness, I’m full to bursting now,’ I said, flopping back on the grass.

  ‘So am I,’ said Miss Gibson, trying to ease her corset a little.

  ‘I’m the Cheshire cat now and I want feeding!’ said Diamond, squatting down and assuming her cat position. ‘Mew mew, I want some food! Nice fishy! And a tasty little mouse for my pudding!’

  It was so strange – she could act beautifully when she was simply playing with people she liked.

  ‘Is that what you say in this play of yours?’ asked Miss Gibson. ‘Is it for children then?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Diamond.

  ‘Not exactly,’ I said quickly, because there were all sorts of grown-up jokes and asides that I knew would shock Miss Gibson.

  ‘What do you think of the girls being in this play, Bertie?’ she asked.

  ‘I think it’s splendid,’ he replied stoutly. ‘I shall be watching breathless in the wings, with my fingers crossed the whole time that it all goes splendidly.’

  ‘Really?’ I said. Then, ‘Watching with Ivy?’

  ‘She might be there too, I have no idea, but I won’t be aware of her. I’ll only have eyes for you two,’ said Bertie.

  I smiled at him, I smiled at them all. Then I turned onto my front, my head in my arms, and whispered into the darkness, ‘It will be all right, won’t it, Mama? I want to act so badly. Will I really be any good as Alice?’

  You will be wonderful, my love.

  It was Mama’s voice, speaking in my heart. I knew she always told me the truth. But why did she sound so worried?

  ‘I’M SCARED, HETTY,’ Diamond whispered as we waited in the wings that night.

  ‘Me too,’ I said, taking her hand.

  Our clasp was damp and slippy. I could feel her trembling.

  ‘But we’ll be fine,’ I said. ‘I don’t know why we’re so scared now. We’ve just got to do our old ventriloquist act, yatter-yatter, dance-dance, cycle-somersault through the air, both of us wave, off! Easy!’

  But it wasn’t easy when we were both so het up. I was horribly aware that Mrs Ruby would be watching. It would be fatal if we made one fluff, one slip. Perhaps she would ban us from being in Alice immediately and we’d never get a chance to do even one performance.

  ‘So here they are, the child wonders, our Little Stars!’ Samson declared.

  We were on! And somehow we worked our way through it. We managed our little piece of patter, and the audience laughed even more than usual. They gasped when I cycled on stage and Diamond sprang through the air. We came off stage in a hurry, desperate to go and change into our Alice costumes, but the applause went on, and Samson called us back.

  ‘Where are you, Little Stars? Come and take another curtain call!’

  We had to run back and curtsy and smile. I tried not to look in Samson’s direction, but I couldn’t help giving him a quick glance. He was grinning at me, moistening his lips.

  ‘Quick, Diamond,’ I said, and tugged her off stage.

  We hurtled back to the dressing room. I stepped into my blue Alice dress and pinafore and tied the blonde wig tight with the hair ribbon, then buttoned Diamond into her cat costume and smeared a red smile across her face.

  ‘I’m even scareder now, Hetty,’ she said.

  ‘Don’t be scared. You’re a cat. You’re a lovely smiley cat who climbs trees and says mew mew mew. You’re going to have fun being the cat, and everyone will think you’re sweet,’ I told her.

  I rather wished I was playing a little Wonderland creature now, with hardly any lines. I thought of the dense pages of script I had to plough through, line after line after line. I couldn’t even remember the very first one! My mind was suddenly empty – no words at all. My throat went dry. I couldn’t speak. I caught sight of myself in the speckled mirror and a ghost girl peered back, panic in her eyes.

  ‘You’re going to have fun too, Hetty,’ said Diamond. ‘You’ll be a lovely Alice.’

  I gave her a hug, and suddenly the words flashed inside my head again, though my voice came out in a croak.

  Some of the showgirls were still getting dressed. They wished us luck, and Thelma ran off in her top and bloomers to fetch me a glass of water.

  ‘Here, take a sip or two. You too, Diamond. Whet your whistle!’

  We sipped obediently.

  ‘Gawd, Hetty, you’re still so white!’ She reached into her bag and brought out a little silver flask. ‘Take a swig of this. Not too much or you’ll choke.’

  The liquid burned my throat and made me shudder, but it brought a little colour to my