The Space Between Us Read online

  I loved him.

  The realization of this didn’t hurtle into me and shatter, breaking me apart. It seeped inside me, filling all the places I’d never bothered to notice were empty.

  How could I tell another woman’s husband I loved him? How could I tell just one of the pair? The answer was I couldn’t. I kissed him again, instead, and then let myself out of the shower, snagging his towel to dry off with, and handing him a clean one from the shelf. I wrapped the damp one around my hair and wished him another good-night, ready to pad naked through their bedroom and down the hall into my own, where I’d comb out my hair and put on my pajamas.

  “Tesla,” Charlie said, halting me in the doorway. “Just so you know. I’m not ashamed of you. Of us, or this. It’s not about that.”

  I’d almost forgotten the conversation that had started all this. “I know you’re not, Charlie.”

  In their bedroom, I paused to say good-night to Meredith, but she’d already turned out the light and pulled up the covers. In my own room I stretched out with a luxurious sigh across my bed. For the first time in a long while, though, I thought of Vic as I tried to drift off to sleep. We hadn’t spoken since our fight. Right now he might be moving on silent feet through his dark house, checking windows and doors to make sure they were locked. Making sure his family was protected. I missed being part of that.

  It took me half an hour of staring at the ceiling and counting endless bleating sheep to realize I wasn’t going to fall asleep unless I got out of bed and made the rounds of the house. So I did, because that’s what you do for the people you love—you do what you can to settle your mind that they’re safe. And then, after I’d made sure the burners were all off, the windows and doors secured, I finally crawled back into my bed and fell asleep.

  Chapter 27

  “How hot do you want it?” The menu in Charlie’s fingers bobbed up and down as he looked it over.

  “Hot as you can stand it, son.” I winked at him. “How hot is that?”

  “Hot.” Charlie said it like a challenge. “I’m not sure you can stand it, that’s how hot.”

  I humphed. “You’re on. You want to go nuclear? I’m down with that. How about volcanic—can you handle that?”

  “Which one’s hotter? That’s what I want.” Charlie sounded dead serious, but he had a twinkle in his blue eyes.

  “Let’s just tell them to go to ten. And bring lots of yogurt dip.”

  “I always end up ordering too much food here. I like everything and I want it.” He studied the menu some more.

  “Didn’t your mama ever teach you that having everything you want isn’t always the best thing for you?” I couldn’t help teasing him. I was tired after a long day on my feet. I was starving and a little giddy from being out and about with him. Just him.

  It seemed a little wrong that this felt so different from the times the three of us went out, or even the few times Charlie and I had been alone at the house. It shouldn’t have. I’d spent tons of time alone with Meredith both before and after we’d begun this.

  It still felt different.

  Maybe it was because I had no doubts about how Charlie felt about me, or if it was okay for me to touch his hand across the table. I didn’t have to keep myself from touching him at all. Somehow this meant our fingers twisted together and my toes rubbed along the back of his calf.

  “And it’s such a waste,” Charlie added. “You’re right, my mama would be ashamed. I never eat it all and can’t take it home.”

  “Why can’t you take it home?” I was in the habit of ordering stuff at a restaurant for the specific purpose of taking half home to eat the next day.

  “Meredith doesn’t like it.”

  I could tell my expression had twisted, but I didn’t try to smooth it. “Huh? Why should that matter? She doesn’t have to eat it.”

  “She says the smell makes everything else in the fridge reek, and she hates it.” Charlie shrugged, his expression not exactly twisting. More like scrunching. The face of a man who knows his wife is being sort of unreasonable, but who isn’t willing to bring on a fight.

  “Huh. Well. That’s just silly. If you wrap it really tight in foil or something, it won’t smell at all. So order whatever you want, son, we gon’ get our chow on!”

  He squeezed my hand. “Great. Your treat, right?”

  “Guess again,” I told him. “You asked me out, remember?”

  “Ah. Yeah. Right. Well, it’s a good thing I have a credit card and there’s a Home Depot next door.”

  I laughed. “The credit card I get, but why do you need a Home Depot?”

  “For the wheelbarrow,” Charlie said serenely.

  “Okay, I give. What do you need a wheelbarrow for?”

  He didn’t even crack a smile, though those eyes once more betrayed him. “To wheel you home after you eat everything we order.”

  God, how I loved him.

  With perfect timing, the waiter came over. True to his word, Charlie ordered too much food. Papadums and curry, lamb rogan josh and tandoori chicken. My stomach groaned just at the thought of it all.

  “I’m starving,” I told him.

  “Good.”

  “And what we don’t eat, we will take home,” I added. It was sort of a challenge of my own.

  Charlie looked reluctant, but then shrugged. “I do love leftover Indian food.”

  “God, yeah. Cold lamb rogan josh is…” I kissed my fingertips. “Fucking awesome. And besides, I can help you work it all off later.”

  He took my other hand, to stroke it with his thumb. “Oh, yeah?”

  “Sure. I hear cunnilingus works off two thousand calories an hour.” I’d totally just made that up, but was working on Charlie’s deadpan delivery.

  “What about blow jobs? Maybe I can help you out, too.”

  “Charlie?”

  We both looked up at the same time. The woman standing at our table looked to be in her mid-forties, dark hair, nice dress, nice shoes—I checked, of course. When the man you’re with is called out in a restaurant, it’s important to assess the threat.

  “Ellen. Hi.” Charlie’s voice sounded normal, but the way he withdrew his hand from mine told me a lot.

  I sat up straighter and folded my hands at my place, which somehow made me feel guiltier. Like I’d been caught at something shameful. I sipped water to cover up that feeling.

  “Haven’t seen you in forever. How’s Meredith?” Ellen made no secret of her examination of me before she gave Charlie the stare of death.

  Charlie didn’t waver in front of it. “She’s great.”

  “Is she still selling Jangle Bangles?” Ellen shifted her weight to one foot, one hip jutting, and crossed her arms. “I never see her at the gym anymore.”

  “Ah…I think…well, we got a treadmill and some other stuff at home, and I think she exercises there. But yeah, she still sells that stuff.”

  “She hasn’t sent out any newsletters in a while.” Ellen sounded accusing, as if it could possibly be Charlie’s fault Meredith was ignoring her online. “I guess she’s been busy.”

  “Everyone’s busy,” I interjected, with a smile as pleasant as I could make it.

  “Oh, hi,” she said, as if she’d just seen me there. She held out her hand, which I shook. “Ellen Leveau. I’m a good friend of Meredith’s. And Charlie’s, of course.”

  I took my hand back, still smiling. “Of course.”

  “We should really have you over for drinks and game night. You and Meredith,” she added. “I know Jim would love to see you.”

  “That sounds great. Give Meredith a shout.” Charlie didn’t have to continue, because the waiter showed up with our appetizers.

  Ellen stepped out of the way. “I guess I should let you eat your dinner. It was nice meeting you....”

  “Tesla,” Charlie said, before I could.

  I get a lot of different reactions to my name, so Ellen’s raised brows weren’t a surprise. Her next question was, though. I mean, some