Over the Moon Read online

  PINOCCHIO

  It’s from Jack and Jill. They feel their property is too steep to be safe and would like to trade it for another plot of land.

  FEROCIA

  The ingrates. Give them [name of rival town or school].

  Prince Jack and Luna enter.

  FEROCIA (CONT’D)

  Did I miss something? Is this bring-an-urchin-to-work day? Honestly, Jack, your little. . .sidekick. . .can wait outside with all the other minions waiting to brighten their lives with a glimpse of me. . .

  PRINCE JACK

  Aunt Ferocia, you’ll never guess what I’ve decided to do. I’m going to throw a ball. I want everyone in the kingdom invited!

  (to Luna)

  Come on. We’ve got a lot to do.

  They exit.

  FEROCIA

  I think this is a splendid idea.

  PINOCCHIO

  You. . .you do?

  FEROCIA

  Of course. And Pinocchio -- you heard my nephew. EVERYONE in the kingdom -- EVERYONE -- is to be invited.

  PINOCCHIO

  You mean. . .?

  FEROCIA

  EXACTLY.

  SCENE 10: The bear cave

  The Hairy Godmother steps onto the side of the stage; Pinocchio walks in circles as the scenery gets changed.

  HAIRY GODMOTHER

  So the little wooden puppet --

  PINOCCHIO

  I’m a real BOY!

  HAIRY GODMOTHER

  Yeah, whatever -- marched bravely through the Enchanted Forest to the lair of the three bears, and their overgrown houseguest. . .

  Pinocchio knocks on the door, and Mama Bear answers it.

  MAMA BEAR

  You’re too early.

  She slams the door; Papa Bear answers it.

  PAPA BEAR

  You’re too late.

  Slams door; Baby Bear opens it.

  BABY BEAR

  (flirting)

  I think you’re JUUUUUUST on time.

  PINOCCHIO

  Yeah? You wanna go see a movie this weekend? No strings attached. . .

  Jean-Claude pushes Baby Bear out of the way.

  JEAN-CLAUDE

  Can I help you?

  PINOCCHIO

  I’m here to speak to --

  He breaks off as the giant appears.

  HUGO

  What do YOU want?

  PINOCCHIO

  I. . .I. . .um. . .

  He shoves the invitation at Jean-Claude and runs away.

  JEAN-CLAUDE

  Ouch! He gave me a splinter!

  (reading)

  We’ve been invited to a ball.

  HUGO

  Very funny. What does it really say?

  JEAN-CLAUDE

  See for yourself.

  HUGO

  (reading the paper)

  It’s a trap.

  BABY BEAR

  Mama, can we go? Do you think that cute puppet who was just here will be at the ball too?

  PINOCCHIO (O.S.)

  I’M A REAL BOY!

  JEAN-CLAUDE

  Hang on a second. If everyone in the kingdom is going to be there, then everyone in the kingdom will have the chance to see that you’re civilized -- not a terrifying, hideous beast. And who knows? Maybe there’s a jolie fille looking for a man who can reach the highest kitchen shelf!

  HUGO

  I’m not going.

  JEAN-CLAUDE

  But master, you --

  HUGO

  Leave me be. All of you!

  He runs away.

  SCENE 11: Town of Hanoveria

  DURING SCENE CHANGE:

  NEWSBOY

  Royal ball tonight! Tickets going fast!

  SONG 10: ROYAL BALL

  ALL:

  Fasten your finest diamonds, iron your gown.

  We’re getting ready for a night on the town.

  Dancing and singing in that big royal hall.

  We’re gonna have a ball!

  Wonder if they’ll serve a meal for lunch.

  Wonder if they’ll spike the cranberry punch.

  Wonder if I’ll get to dance with the queen.

  Can’t wait to see and to be seen!

  Fasten your finest diamonds, iron your gown.

  We’re getting ready for a night on the town.

  Dancing and singing in that big royal hall.

  We’re gonna have a ball!

  Wonder if all of the bathtubs are gold.

  Wouldn’t that be quite a sight to behold?

  Wonder if I’ll cut the rug with the prince.

  Can’t wait to drop a couple hints!

  DANCE BREAK

  . . .The style!. . .The smile!

  . . .The face!. . .Your Grace!

  . . .The dress!. . .Success!

  I’ve always thought I’d make great royalty,

  grafted right onto that family tree.

  A turn on the dance floor, a few fancy spins;

  this could be how it all begins!

  Fasten your finest diamonds, iron your gown.

  We’re getting ready for a night on the town.

  Dancing and singing in that big royal hall.

  We’re gonna have a ball!

  We’re gonna have a ball!

  SCENE 12: The Enchanted Forest. There is a sign that says

  CASTLE (one way) and SCARY PLACE (other way).

  HUMPTY DUMPTY sits on a wall, wearing a Harley-Davidson jacket. Felicity enters.

  FELICITY

  The ball started an hour ago. . .but I’m lost. If only I could find someone who could point me in the right direction. . .

  (spies Humpty)

  Oh no! Don’t jump!

  HUMPTY DUMPTY

  What’s life without a thrill, man?! That’s why I’ve been coasting the coast on my Harley -- without a helmet. Live free or die, man!

  FELICITY

  Could you direct me to the castle?

  HUMPTY DUMPTY

  I think it’s that way.

  (points)

  Unless it’s that way.

  (points)

  Sorry -- after inhaling all that exhaust, I’m a little bit scrambled.

  FELICITY

  Hang on a second, aren’t you Humpty Dumpty? Didn’t you have a bad fall?

  HUMPTY DUMPTY

  Yeah, but it was an AWESOME summer.

  (laughing)

  Sometimes I crack myself up! Whatsa matter? Can’t you take a yolk?

  He falls backward.

  HUMPTY DUMPTY (CONT’D)

  AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

  FELICITY

  Oh no! Should I call all the king’s horses and all the king’s men?

  HUMPTY DUMPTY

  No, you dimwit! Call 911!

  FELICITY

  Help! Help!

  As she’s running, the SCARY MUSIC (SONG 11) starts, and trees come out behind her, and WOLVES crawl up the aisles of the audience.

  FELICITY (CONT’D)

  Oh no. . .I think I’m even more lost than I was when I started. . .

  The wolves close in on her, dancing around her.

  She screams and goes down beneath their fangs and claws. Just then, Hugo arrives and throws them off Felicity. He lifts her into his arms and carries her offstage.

  ACT TWO

  SCENE 1: Ferocia’s castle

  Full cast mills about at the ball.

  Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, and Cinderella come forward.

  SNOW WHITE

  I cannot believe I finally get a night out of the house and I have to bring the kids with me. Which reminds me -- have you seen Grumpy and Sneezy?

  On the other side of stage, Grumpy and Sneezy stand by the punch bowl and giggle as they drop in a frog.

  EUNICE

  (shrieks)

  Ewww! What’s that frog doing in the punch bowl!?

  GRUMPY & SNEEZY

  The backstroke!

  SNOW WHITE

  Grumpy. . .Sneezy! I told you. . .no pets allowed out of th