Pursued Read online

  Then she rose and went to her rooms to prepare for her long ordeal in the desert.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Merrick rapped lightly on Elise’s bedroom door. It was still closed and locked, just as it had been since the night before. “Elise? We’re in orbit and set to land. I’m sorry baby, but you have to come out now. It’s not safe unless you’re strapped in.”

  There was a long silence and he began to wonder if she’d heard him or not. He was raising his hand to knock again when the panel slid open and she appeared. Merrick drew in a breath at the sight of her.

  She was wearing a long sleeved turtleneck sweater that covered her all the way down to her wrists and completely hid her slender throat from view. Her slacks were also long and thick and she wore black high-heeled boots on her feet.

  But though her outfit was strange—not to mention completely inappropriate for the jungle climate of Rageron—it was her face that Merrick was looking at—or trying to, anyway. Her hair was loose around her shoulders, hiding most of her from him. But when she did look up, very briefly, he saw dark circles under her brown eyes and knew she’d been as sleepless as he had, ever since their last encounter.

  “Elise?” he asked, making her name a question. “Are you all right, baby?” It was the same question he’d been asking ever since she’d run from him and locked herself in her room the night before. And, to his frustration, Elise gave him the exact same answer.

  “Fine. I’m fine.”

  She tried to duck under his arm and head for the front of the ship but Merrick caught her and held her, gently but firmly, by the shoulders.

  “Enough of this ‘I’m fine’ bullshit,” he said softly. “Why don’t you tell me what’s really going on? What happened last night? Why did you run away from me?”

  Her eyes flicked up to his and then shifted away just as quickly. “I…I can’t talk about it.”

  “You mean you won’t talk about it.” Merrick frowned.

  “No, I mean I can’t.” She looked up at him, her brown eyes pleading. “Don’t you see, if I do, things will only get worse and they're bad enough already. Please, Merrick, can’t we just forget about it and move on?”

  “Forget about it?” He looked at her incredulously. “How the hell am I supposed to do that?” He could still feel her in his arms, naked and soft and perfect. Could still hear her moans in his ears, feel the slick, tight channel of her pussy wrapped around his fingers as he thrust deep inside her, making her come so hard…

  “Just put it to the back of your mind,” she snapped, interrupting the hot memory. “Put it away and don’t think about it.”

  Merrick clenched his jaw. “Is that what you’re going to do with me once all this is over? Put me away and forget about me? Go back to your idiot fiancé and get on with your life?”

  “Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do?” she flared at him. “I mean, isn’t that the plan—to go away and never see each other again after the bond is dissolved?”

  “Yeah.” Merrick dropped his hands from her shoulders and stepped back, away from her. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

  Elise ran a hand though her hair in obvious frustration. “I’m sorry, Merrick. I shouldn’t have said that. But we also shouldn’t have done…what we did last night. I am still engaged, after all.”

  He raised an eyebrow at her. “And that’s why you ran last night? Because you felt so guilty about cheating on fucking James?”

  “Yes…yes, of course.” But she wouldn’t meet his eyes and Merrick didn’t believe her, not entirely.

  “Really,” he said flatly.

  “Yes, really.” She finally looked up at him, her face set in an expression of determination. “And I don’t think we should do it again. Or…or anything like it.”

  Merrick frowned. “Have you forgotten why we started in the first place? To feed your hunger. To keep you healthy.”

  “Yes, I know.” Elise nodded. “But I feel like I got enough to satisfy me last night. More than enough. I think…I think holding hands for the rest of our trip will probably keep me in balance enough that we don’t have to…don’t have to do anything like that again.”

  “Is that fucking right?” Merrick felt rage and hurt and desire all rising inside him. Somehow he managed to choke the emotions down, at least long enough to talk. “Let me tell you something, baby,” he said, his voice going hoarse. “Last night was the best fucking sex I’ve ever had in my life and it wasn’t even really sex. You know why that was? Because it was with you.”

  Her eyes went wide and then she looked down, biting her lip. “You…you just think that because of the bond,” she whispered. “It’s a fake emotion, like everything else we feel for each other. It's not real.”

  “Isn't it?” Merrick demanded. “Because right now I feel like you reached in my chest with that soft little hand of yours and ripped out my fucking heart. How much realer can it get than that?”

  “I…I don’t know.” When she looked up again, her eyes were filled with tears. “I’m sorry, Merrick.”

  “Yeah, me too.” He shook his head and turned to head for the front of the ship. “Come on, I’ve already called in to the Rageron com tower. They’re expecting us planet-side.”

  “Merrick…” she whispered, but he ignored her.

  He headed back up front, not waiting to see if she would follow or not.

  * * * * *

  Elise couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so completely miserable. Well, other than her time spent on the Fathership, but she hardly thought of that now, it was in the vault, with everything else. Come to think of it, it was getting pretty crowded in there, with all the things she didn’t want to remember. Sometimes she felt like her real life was in there, behind those badly sealed doors and the existence she led now was completely false.

  I’m just skimming the surface, she thought looking down at the too-large harness buckling her in place as Merrick landed their ship. Pretending everything is all right, that I have a normal life. I go to work, I come home, I meet James, we mouth empty pleasantries to each other. I go to bed and wake up and do it all again.

  Living inauthentically. That’s what they had called her kind of life in a Philosophy class she’d taken once in college. Pretending everything was fine. Ignoring all the hurt and trauma and madness of the past. It was a coping strategy—one Elise was especially good at. But she found it very hard to keep up around Merrick.

  For some reason, the big Kindred seemed to bring the pain of her past to the surface. His very presence threatened to crack her inner vault doors wide open and let out the noxious flood that pressed insistently at the small, walled off corner of her mind she’d designated as untouchable, unthinkable. Elise knew she ought to hate him for being the catalyst that threatened to unleash such a horrific flood.

  But she didn’t. She couldn’t. In fact, if she were to allow herself to acknowledge the truth—she felt the exact opposite.

  I love him, she thought before she could stop herself. But no, that was stupid. It was just their artificial bond talking. Or was it? Could something that felt this painfully real be completely false? She had never felt this much for James. The thought of marrying him and spending their lives together was vaguely pleasant but it didn’t fill her with rapture or longing. And the idea of being without him didn’t pierce her like an arrow straight to the heart.

  She cast a sidelong glance at Merrick who was staring straight ahead at the steering yoke, his face a stony mask. I hurt him, she thought and felt a rush of guilt and pain and shame that was nearly incapacitating. After everything he did for me. After he was so patient and kind and loving. After he made himself vulnerable to me—physically and emotionally—I stomped on his heart and threw it away like trash. God, what’s wrong with me?

  But she didn’t have to ask that question—not really. After last night it was obvious what her choices were. Get close to Merrick and watch the door of the vault crack wide and let out everything she’d been suppres