A Very Dirty Christmas Read online

  "Of course they're interested in us as a story -- you as a story, you moron," I say, standing in front of him, my hands on my hips. I feel like a schoolteacher, lecturing him, yet I can't seem to help myself. "You're the tattooed, chain-smoking, beer-guzzling, train wreck son of the movie star who's marrying my family-values, ex-Marine Senator father. You're a tabloid headline, standing right here in front of me!"

  Caulter looks at me, his face stony and his jaw clenched. Then he blows a giant plume of smoke in my face, making me cough, and I wave my arms erratically in front of my face. I think my blood pressure goes through the roof at the act of aggression. "Yeah?" he asks, leaning forward and bringing his middle finger up in front of his face between the two of us. "Well, you're the goody-goody, stuck up, boring-ass virgin who's so uptight she can't find anyone to punch her v-card except the manwhore from her school who will screw literally anyone." He pauses. "And then turns out to be the most boring fucking lay I've ever had."

  I let out a growl of frustration, but Caulter just laughs, which makes me even more upset.

  "What are you going to do, Princess?" he asks, leaning forward, his middle finger still up. He waves it around, inches from my face. I want to break his fucking finger in half.

  Caulter has me so pissed off I can't think. I just lean forward and flip him the bird, my finger an inch away from his. We're standing a foot apart, with our middle fingers in each others' faces. Real mature. We might as well be toddlers sticking our tongues out at each other.

  Then Caulter smiles. "This is going to be a great fucking photo."

  Shit.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Caulter

  Senator Douchebag slams the newspaper down on the table. The photo of Katherine and I facing each other, eyes narrowed and lips turned up in snarls, with our middle fingers almost touching, is preceded by a headline that reads:

  "HARRISON AND STERLING ENGAGED: CHILDREN FACE OFF!"

  Katherine is across from me, her face chalk white. She doesn't look at me, just stares at the paper like she's completely transfixed. I have the impulse to take out my phone and get a photo of her reaction, but I think that would be pushing it, since the Senator's face is exactly the opposite of ghost-white. It's nearly purple.

  "It's really a flattering angle, though," I say. "For me, anyway. It doesn't do Katherine nearly as much justice." That's not true. In the photo, her teeth are nearly bared and she looks practically feral. I shouldn't be so turned on by that, but I swear as I stand here looking at it, I feel my cock stir. This is probably not the best situation to display a hard-on for Senator Douchebag's daughter, though. He looks like he's going to have a coronary. My mother gives me a look, and I'm almost concerned she's going to cut out my trust fund right now.

  "Caulter," Ella warns.

  "What the hell were the two of you thinking?" The Senator brings his fist down on the table, causing the paper to bounce, his voice booming.

  I glance at Katherine, but she still doesn't look at me.

  "Honey," Ella says.

  "It's not as bad as it looks, dad," Katherine speaks, her voice soft.

  "Not as bad as it looks?" The Senator clenches his fist again. This dude seriously needs to do some meditation or some weed or something. Like, whoo-sah, man. If he weren't talking, I wouldn't believe he was even taking a breath. "Tell me, how exactly do you think it looks for the daughter of a United States Senator to be on the front page of the newspaper, directing her middle finger at the son of his fiancé?"

  Probably better than for the headline to read Senator's children fuck around, I think. But I hold my tongue. Mentally, I congratulate myself for my superb act of self-control.

  Katherine surprises me by speaking. "I mean, really, it's not the front page. It's the front page of the social section. And it's the Post, so..."

  I hold back a laugh, but not very well, so it comes out more like a snort. The Senator turns his gaze toward me. "And you. You think this is funny?"

  I roll my eyes. "Look. It's an article in the paper. It's not the end of the fucking world."

  He crosses around to my side of the table, and I stand there, only because I can't really believe this guy is actually about to lose his shit, especially over something like this. I can think of at least twenty more scandals I've been involved in that are worse than this blip on the radar. It's when he grabs me by the collar of my shirt that I start to actually get pissed off. "Not the end of the fucking world?" he asks, narrowing his eyes. "You arrogant little shit. Your mother might cut you all the slack in the world, letting you piss away her money on clothes and drugs, but you don't come into my house and --"

  I push his hands off me. "You want to get into it, Pops," I say, disgusted. "Let's go."

  "Stop!" Katherine yells the words. Yells. The sound of her yelling is so startling that her father looks at her, open-mouthed.

  "What did you just say?" he asks.

  "I think we all need to calm down here," Ella says, standing at the far end of the table. "Ben, Caulter is not your child, he's mine, and I'll thank you kindly to not - "

  "Oh please, Ella." I hold my palm up.

  "I don't want to hear you refer to your mother by her first name like she's one of your friends," the Senator booms.

  "It's a good thing you don't get a say in the matter then, is it?" I ask. "Since I'm not one of your employees you can order around."

  "Ben!" Ella says. "I said, this is my child. Caulter and I are informal. And it's not your call to step in and change that."

  "Your child is an adult," the Senator says, his voice louder now. "Not a kid. And it's time to start treating him like an adult. Both of you are adults and - "

  Katherine yells again, her hands over her ears. "Jesus fucking Christ," she screams.

  "Katherine Eva Harrison," the Senator said. "You will not take the Lord's name in vain in this house."

  "I can't listen to another second of arguing!" she yells. "Yes, Caulter and I flipped each other off. Yes, it's in the paper. Yes, it's a PR problem. I'm sorry your engagement was announced this way. But if you want to talk about being selfish, we can talk about being selfish. You left like a bat out of hell after graduation to get back to work -- and by work, I'm assuming you meant Ella. You didn't think that maybe you should, oh, I don't know, give me any kind of heads up that you were getting re-married?" Katherine asks, her voice growing more high-pitched.

  I step back, crossing my arms over my chest, not even bothering to hide the smile I can feel tugging at the corners of my mouth. I didn't think daddy's little girl had it in her. I can't believe I'm listening to her tell off her father.

  "I thought you would prefer to hear something like that at home - " he starts, suddenly on the defensive.

  "Yeah, dad," she says. "I totally want to walk in the door to the house to see the three of you standing there. I'm sure that's how they tell you to do it in all the parenting books. Make sure you choose a setting for maximum impact, right?"

  "I made a decision that I thought was most appropriate for - "

  "You've been keeping this entire relationship a secret!" Katherine yells. "Do you understand how big of an asshole you're being? You're about to punch Caulter in the fucking kitchen! You don't see the irony here? Mom would hate the person you are - and you know it."

  At the mention of her mother, it's like all of the air is sucked out of the room. The color drains from the Senator's face.

  Katherine keeps going. "You're bringing them - " She doesn't look at me, just points the direction of me and Ella. "To the summer house, to our house. To her house."

  "She's dead!" The Senator yells. "Your mother has been dead for four goddamn years!"

  "I can't talk about this," she says, shaking her head. She looks at the Senator with disappointment etched on her face, and brushes past me without a glance. I stand there for a minute, the silence in the room lingering. The Senator leans over the table, both palms flat, his head hanging. I'm irritated with him, but I feel badly for Kathe