A Very Dirty Christmas Read online

"She couldn't get the tiger," Caulter says. "Remember, she's just trying to help. It's how Ella shows she cares. And I'm sure she wanted the wedding to photograph well."

  Now I'm going to hyperventilate. "Photograph well?" I ask. "She did not call in outside photographers. Did she? If there are paparazzi at the wedding…"

  "No paparazzi will even be able to get through the snow," Caulter says. He stands behind me and slides his hands over my shoulders. "You're tense. You should let me relax you."

  "Damn right I'm tense," I say. "There's like three feet of snow in front of our door; the wedding planner thinks she's going to cart the guests over here in horse-drawn sleighs and snowmobiles; and you just told me there might be a bear or tiger at the wedding."

  Caulter spins me around on the stool I'm sitting on, so that I face him, and he takes my face in his hands. "This is our wedding day," he says. "And it's going to be completely perfect, no matter what happens. I love you, and I'm marrying you today, come hell or high water. Or ten feet of snow. Now, I think right now what you need to do is come with me into the shower and…come with me."

  He slides his hand up the inside of my thigh underneath my nightshirt, the tops of his fingertips reaching the crease of my bikini line. And despite the fact that I think I may well have an aneurysm thinking about the very real possibility that my wedding day will be a complete catastrophe, a tingle races through me at his touch.

  "You're such a poet," I say, as his fingers find their way up farther, stroking my clit.

  "Wait until you hear my wedding vows," Caulter says.

  "Oh God," I say, as he finds my entrance with his finger, slipping easily inside. "Don't say anything inappropriate."

  "I'm Caulter Sterling," he says, covering my mouth with his. When he pulls back, he looks at me with mischief in his eyes. "Would I ever say anything inappropriate?"

  I sigh audibly, and not just because of what Caulter is doing with his fingers between my legs. "That's exactly what I'm worried about."

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  CAULTER

  It's almost four, and Ella and her wedding planner have pulled it off. Even I have to admit that they've done a pretty good job. It's still snowing. In fact, the news is calling it the biggest snowstorm of the century for December. The snowplows have had a tough time keeping up with the snow, but true to her word, the wedding planner has been shuttling guests by sleigh back and forth from the hotel down the road to the lake house.

  Ella texted me an hour ago:

  The sleigh was a great idea! The guests think it's fabulous!

  Two minutes later, I got another text from Ella:

  I have a big surprise. You're going to love it!

  When I texted her back asking her what the hell she did, she didn't respond. Knowing Ella, that bodes poorly, but I shrug it off and remain optimistic.

  After all, today I'm marrying my best friend and the love of my life. What the hell could go wrong?

  My phone buzzes and I get a text from Kate.

  Are you ready to marry me? You're not getting cold feet, are you?

  I type out my reply.

  It'd be a little late for cold feet, seeing as how I already knocked your ass up.

  My phone buzzes again with Kate's response.

  Your spawn is trying to kick her way out of my uterus. You don't think she'll fall out of my vagina while I'm walking down the aisle, do you?

  That could be awkward.

  I chuckle, except the mere thought makes my heart race.

  He's still incubating. He can't fall out yet.

  P.S. I fucking love you, Princess.

  My groomsmen barge into the room with a bottle of scotch, pouring glasses and passing them around.

  "Scotch to calm the nerves," Bryan says. "And also because you'll need a glass of that so Joe can tell you what a fucking idiot he is."

  "I'm not an –" Joe starts.

  "What did you do?" I growl.

  "Alright, just so you don't get surprised with this during the wedding," he says. "She wanted to come, and I've been hooking up with her the past few days, so I figured she could be my plus one. And she's not interested in you anymore, so I thought it would be totally fine."

  "You did not bring the chick from the Celtics game to my wedding," I hiss.

  "Told you, Joe," Scott says, smacking him on the back of the head. "You're such a dumbass. Caulter should kick your fucking ass right now."

  "She'll behave," Joe says. "I'm getting laid, and…"

  "I will murder you and dump your body in a ravine," I threaten.

  My phone buzzes.

  I fucking love you too, Prick. I'm walking down to the tent. You better beat me there. You're not supposed to see me in my dress.

  "Shit," I say. "Forget it. We need to head down to the tent. That crazy chick had better not make a peep, Joe. She so much as breathes too loud and I'll beat your ass. Now, come on. We have to get down there before Kate."

  Then all of our phones start buzzing with texts from Ella.

  Where the hell are you? Get your ass down to the tent now. You better not be standing up your pregnant fiancé.

  "Let's go, before Ella sends bodyguards up to get us," I say.

  "Are there bodyguards?" Joe asks. "You seriously need some. There were a shitload of photographers outside the gate when we came in."

  "Joe," Bryan says.

  I groan. "Shit. Kate is going to freak."

  I text Ella.

  Are there paparazzi outside?

  Ella buzzes back.

  Curated, by yours truly. Only the best. Got to keep out the riff raff. A few inside, but only the ones I like. No trash. Get your ass down here now.

  Fuck. I have a strong suspicion this wedding is about to be a lot more circus-like than I anticipated.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Kate

  “It was a surprise!” Ella whispers brightly as I stand in the covered entryway just outside the tent with her and Rose and my father.

  “That was a…a…monkey wearing a tuxedo and top hat!” I say, my jaw gaping.

  “I know!” Ella says, beaming. “It’s a monkey in a tuxedo and top hat! Isn't he the most adorable thing you've ever seen? I couldn’t get a tiger at this short of notice.”

  “I’ve had enough surprises in the past twenty-four hours, thank you very much.”

  “Your father and I had no idea you were outside the library, Kate,” Ella starts, and I interrupt her, holding up my hand. Beside her, my father looks at me sheepishly, his face reddening.

  “You guys hate each other,” I start, then quickly correct myself. “Never mind. Please do not remind me of this right before I’m going down the aisle. This is not what I want to think about on my wedding day.”

  “Can I have a moment with Kate for a second?” my father asks. Ella and Rose step to the other side of the entryway.

  “Thank you for letting me be here today,” he says, his expression pained. “I don't deserve to walk you down the aisle. I know that. I didn’t know how…to deal with it after your mother died. And you were the spitting image of her. Everything about you reminded me of her, and I just…I loved your mother. And I love you. But I retreated into my work. The way I reacted after the wedding scandal…it was horrible. I was an awful parent. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you’ll be a fantastic mother, and even though it’s too late for us, I’d like to try to be a good grandfather.”

  I look at my father as he blinks back tears and I swallow hard. “Maybe it’s not too late…for us," I say.

  He nods as his eyes well up. “That would be nice.”

  The first few notes of the wedding march play and Rose clears your throat. “That’s your cue, she says,” and I take a deep breath.

  I’m suddenly nervous as hell.

  Why am I so nervous? I think my hands are shaking. Is this normal?

  “Kate,” Rose says, stepping close to me and taking my hands in hers. “Breathe. You’re going to be fine, dear.”

  I do