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  She pumped the pedals of her bike fast and faster, and didn’t bother locking it to the railing of Nick’s porch, but let it fall when she leaped off it. In three steps she was at his door, pounding. He didn’t open it at first and she thought he wasn’t home. She pounded again anyway, bruising her knuckles.

  When at last he pulled the door open, the sight of him framed in the doorway struck her like a punch to the gut. Bess lost her breath for a second or two, then found it again. She said his name softly. Then louder.

  Nick didn’t move.

  “I have to talk to you,” Bess said.

  He shook his head but came out and closed the door behind him. Leaning against the railing, he lit one of his cigars and blew sweet smoke toward her. “So talk.”

  There was a wall as solid as brick between them, even if she couldn’t see it. Looking at Nick’s face was like staring at stone.

  “I didn’t know he was coming, Nick.”

  “Yeah, I figured that part out.”

  It didn’t seem he was going to give her an inch. Not a fraction of one. He looked at her through a plume of smoke, and she could read nothing in his eyes.

  “He says…he loves me.”

  Nick’s eyes narrowed and he turned his face to the side and spat a fragment of tobacco off the side of the porch. “I bet he does.”

  “Nick,” Bess said softly. “I’m sorry.”

  She was sorry that Andy had shown up unexpectedly. That she hadn’t had the courage to make sure he knew she’d broken up with him. Now everything was a mess, tangling around her ankles and threatening to trip her up.

  Nick’s shoulders hunched slightly, but when he turned to look at her, his back was straight. “Don’t bother.”

  “What?” She took a step toward him but kept herself from raising her hand to touch him. “I—”

  Nick finished his cigarette, tossed it to the wooden floor and ground it out with the toe of his shoe. “I said don’t bother, Bess. Go on to your boyfriend. I have stuff to do.”

  “But that’s not what I came—” Nick pushed past her, knocking her with his shoulder. Bess stumbled back against the railing. “Hey!”

  He didn’t turn at the door, just shoved it open. She followed him. The door banged into the wall hard enough to bounce back. It caught her elbow, but Bess ignored the sting and went after Nick into his kitchen.

  “Don’t walk away from me when I’m talking to you!” The instant she spoke, she knew the words had been a mistake.

  Nick had reached for a glass from his cupboard to fill under the tap. When she spoke, he turned, water sloshing from the tumbler. It hit the faded linoleum floor and dripped from his fingers.

  “Don’t tell me what to do.” In contrast to Bess’s voice, risen into not quite a shout, Nick’s had gone low and fierce.

  “I’m sorry.” She shook her head, trying to get herself under control. “This isn’t going the way I wanted it to.”

  “No shit.”

  “Don’t be like that!” She didn’t want to yell, but the words surged out of her and she was helpless to hold them back. “Don’t be such a prick!”

  When the glass shattered against the kitchen wall, it left behind a splatter of clear liquid and the glitter of splinters against the paint. The sound echoed in her head, but it wasn’t until she felt the chill of her palms on her heated cheeks that Bess realized she’d clapped her hands over her ears. In the next few seconds the edge of the doorway hit her between the shoulder blades as Nick backed her up against it.

  “But that’s what I am,” he breathed into her ear. “Or did you forget?”

  He’d backed her up like this so many times before. Had breathed in her ear just this way. This time, he didn’t press his body to hers, or kiss her. He didn’t touch her, but Bess shrank from him anyway, as if he’d reached to pinch her.

  “Go back to him,” Nick said. “Since he loves you so fucking much.”

  It was the perfect time to run away, but Bess didn’t go. She turned her face just enough to speak into Nick’s ear, the way he’d done to her. “I didn’t come here to tell you I’m going back to him.”

  “But you are going to see him. You didn’t tell him to take a walk, did you? Didn’t tell him to get the fuck out of your life?”

  “No,” she said quietly. “I owe him an explanation, don’t I?”

  Nick pulled away enough to look at her face. “I don’t know. Do you?”

  “He said he loves me.” It was an inadequate argument, and she knew it, but while her morals may have been slippery enough to justify being unfaithful, they didn’t allow her to be purposefully cruel.

  “Yeah?” Nick moved away another inch. “And what about me?”

  “What about you?” Bess asked.

  He said nothing.

  “Nick,” she said, and put a palm on his cheek. “What about you?”

  He gave his head an infinitesimal shake, and Bess took her hand away. Her throat tight, she fought back tears. She didn’t want him to see her cry.

  “If you have feelings for me,” she said, “now is the time to tell me.”

  Nick shook his head and took another step back. He looked into her eyes, his face as smooth and expressionless as if they were strangers. Worse than that, as if they’d never even met.

  “I don’t have any feelings for you.”

  Bess blinked hard. It was not what she’d wanted him to say. Not what she believed he’d say. His answer flayed her open, and she no longer cared if he saw her tears.

  “I don’t believe you.” She forced out the words in a voice as shattered as the glass he’d thrown against the wall.

  Nick’s only answer was a solid, unyielding stare that pushed her as physically as a fist. Bess backed through the doorway into the living room and swiped at her face. She lifted her chin and took a long, deep breath, but it did no good. She swiped harder at her cheeks.

  “He’s waiting for me,” she said. “I came here first. Don’t you want to know why, Nick? Don’t you want me to tell you why I came here first instead of going to him? Don’t you want to know what I came here to say?”

  Nick shook his head. Then he turned and disappeared into his bedroom. He didn’t slam the door, but the click of it shutting was as definite an answer as if he’d shouted it out.

  CHAPTER 39

  Now

  “I’ve got to go meet Eddie to talk about the plans for the shop.” Bess leaned over Nick from behind to wrap her arms around him and kiss his neck.

  He nodded, not paying attention. His hand moved the computer mouse relentlessly, clicking and scrolling. “Okay.”

  “What are you looking at?” She tried to read the text on the screen, but it was hideously tiny and in a combination of awful colors that made her eyes ache.

  “Nothing.” Nick clicked back to a search engine. The cursor beat like a heart in the empty search box, but he didn’t type anything in it. “What time will you be home?”

  “I don’t know. Not late. Want me to pick up a movie or something?”

  “Sure.” He was still staring at the computer.

  It wasn’t like Nick to be so blandly accommodating. Bess nuzzled his cheek. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, sure. You go.” He half turned to kiss her, his hands covering her arms, which were looped over his shoulders.

  The kiss threatened to deepen, and Bess, laughing, pulled away. “I really have to go. Eddie’s waiting.”

  It was the wrong thing to say. Nick nodded, his mouth thinning, but he made no comment. Instead he turned his attention back to the computer, letting her go and dismissing her at the same time.

  Annoyed, Bess pulled away. “Want me to bring anything for you?”

  “No.”

  “Are you sure?”

  He looked at her then, with a frown. “I don’t need anything.”

  “Okay, I was just asking.” She tossed up her hands and left before the two of them started arguing.

  She’d lent Connor her car for a couple day