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“Why are Nick and Robbie down at the beach together?” He put the full bag by the door.
Bess handed him an empty one. “Nick’s talking to him.”
Connor laughed low as he tucked the new bag into the can. “Yeah, Robbie’s always been a little slow.”
“I don’t find that funny, Connor.” She crossed her arms.
He straightened and looked her in the eyes. “I didn’t think you would.”
She stared at him. He stared back. Neither of them broke eye contact, neither looked away.
“I’m with him,” Bess said without a tremble or trace of hesitation in her voice. “And I hope you boys can understand that. I’m not sure if I can expect you to. But I hope you do.”
Connor leaned against the counter, his arms crossed in imitation of hers. “What about Dad?”
“Your father and I tried to make our marriage work. But it didn’t.” Bess shook her head. “It doesn’t mean we don’t love you and Robbie.”
“Mom,” said Connor with a trace of disdain. “I don’t need the sunshine fairy glitter story, okay? People break up all the time. I’ll be fine. Robbie’ll be fine, too.”
It didn’t relieve her to hear him say it, even if he was convinced it was true. “I don’t want you to think my relationship with Nick had anything to do with me and your dad.”
Connor snorted, unfolding his arms and no longer resting against the counter. “Yeah, whatever. It’s not any of my business.”
He turned to go, but Bess’s words stopped him. “You’re right. It’s not any of your business. But I should have told you and your brother the truth right away instead of lying about it. I’m sorry.”
Connor paused, his shoulders hunching for a moment or two before he straightened again. He didn’t turn to look at her. “Forget about it.”
“I’m sorry, Connor,” Bess said sincerely, knowing it would do no good. Whatever chasm had opened between her and her oldest son was inexorably widening. “I love him.”
“You love him?” He turned around to face her. “After what, three weeks? You love him?”
She couldn’t very well admit it had been longer than that. “Like I said, I’m not sure I can expect you to understand.”
“And you want me to believe it had nothing to do with you and Dad breaking up, but you love him?” Connor’s voice got thick. “That’s a fucking joke, Mom! A joke!”
Bess flinched, not at the language but the vehemence behind it. “Connor—”
He held up his hands. “He’s, like, two years older than me! What’s he doing with you, anyway? What’s he after?”
Bess had never imagined her son might assume Nick was trying to scam her. “He’s not after anything!”
“Yeah? So why doesn’t he work? Where’s he get his money? Is he your…what—your hired stud?” Connor’s mouth twisted as if he’d bitten a lemon. “Don’t tell me you love him, please. I’m a big boy. I can handle the fact you’ve got yourself a cute little fuck buddy—”
Bess hadn’t spanked her boys when they were young, and though her hand itched to slap the nasty words right out of his mouth now, she slapped the counter instead. Hard. Her hand stung, but Connor stopped.
“You don’t know anything about it,” she said in a voice colder than she’d ever imagined having to use with her own child. “Don’t think you’re so smart, Connor Alan, because you’re not.”
Connor blinked rapidly, to Bess’s dismay, and his eyes shone bright as though he fought back tears. “You should’ve just told us the truth right away, Mom.”
“What would you have done, Connor? Would you have believed me then, or would you have jumped to the same conclusions? I can’t explain it to you, it just is. I know it’s not easy for you, or your brother.” She swallowed, hard. “It’s not going to be easy for me and Nick, either. But you can’t choose who you love, honey, it just happens.”
“You can choose who you don’t love,” Connor said, with an insight Bess wouldn’t have imagined him to possess.
“I don’t want to choose not to love Nick,” she answered honestly.
At least it was on the table, so to speak. In the open. Bess drew in a deep breath, her stomach settled now that the worst seemed past.
Connor scowled and stalked away, calling over his shoulder, “I’m out of here.”
The worst hadn’t passed, after all. Bess had assumed Connor meant out of the kitchen, but when he came back a few minutes later with his backpack and a duffel bag, her stomach leaped and jumped again.
“Where are you going?” she cried as he passed the kitchen and headed for the stairs.
“I’m going to crash at Derrick’s place. He’s looking for a roommate. Maybe I’ll stay there for the rest of the summer.”
“Maybe—Connor, wait.” Bess followed, but he didn’t stop. He thudded down the stairs two at a time. His duffel battered the wall and knocked off a large, framed photo collage that had hung there since Bess’s childhood. The picture hit the stairs behind him and the glass cracked. Connor didn’t stop.
Bess didn’t, either. She followed him out to the carport, where they both stared at the Volvo. “You’re not taking my car.”
He hadn’t seemed to think that far ahead, but adapted quickly. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and dialed a number. “Derrick. Can you pick me up, man? Yeah. Thanks.”
Boys communicated differently than girls, and that was it. Connor disconnected the call and put his phone back in his pocket. He slung the duffel over his shoulder and made for the street.
“Connor! What about work?” Bess hurried after him.
“Me and Derrick can work the same shifts. I’ll ride with him.”
“And you can count on him for that?”
Connor stopped. Turned. He set his duffel on the sidewalk. Bess recognized his sulk from his toddlerhood.
“Yeah,” he said. “I think I can trust him.”
And he couldn’t trust her. Bess winced. “You’ve known him only a few weeks.”
Connor raised an eyebrow, looking so much like his father she wanted to scream. “Yeah? Apparently a few weeks is plenty long enough.”
He turned away from her. Bess spun on her heel and started walking back to the house. She’d been prepared to let him go at the end of the summer, but she let him go now.
Back in the house, she found Nick in the kitchen, putting detergent in the dishwasher. He closed the door and switched it on, turning as she came into the kitchen. He took one look at her and enfolded her in his arms.
“Connor,” was all she said.
“That bad?” His hand stroked her hair. “Shh. Bess. It’s okay.”
“Where’s Robbie?”
“Down at the beach, I guess.”
Bess tilted her head up to look at him. “What did you say to him?”
“I told him the truth.”
She knew him well enough now to smile instead of grimace. “Which was?”
Nick smoothed her hair off her face and kissed her. “I told him I’m crazy in love with his mother and I plan on keeping her the happiest woman alive for as long as I can, and if he had a problem with it he might as well punch me in my face now, because I wasn’t going anywhere.”
“You didn’t!”
“I did.”
Bess studied him. “Did he?”
Nick grinned. “No. I thought he might, and damn, your boy’s big. I was sure I was gonna get my ass kicked. But…no. Robbie’s a good kid.”
There was an irony there, in Nick calling Robbie a kid.
“He is,” Bess said. “Connor walked out on me. He says he’s going to live with somebody he works with.”
“So let him. He’s old enough.”
Bess chewed the inside of her cheek and pushed gently away from Nick. She left him in the kitchen and went to the bedroom, where she sat on the edge of the bed and fought tears. When he appeared in the doorway a few minutes later and sat beside her, and when he took her hand, she stopped fighting.