Emerald Star (Hetty Feather) Read online

‘I will look after you,’ I said, though this Mister sounded terrifying.

  Diamond wriggled out from under the wagon, giving her face another wipe with her petticoats. She patted the slight bulge in her bodice where she was hiding the handkerchief. ‘Can I really keep it for my very own?’ she asked.

  ‘Of course you can,’ I said, taking her hand.

  She led me along the back of the wagons, cautiously peeping through the gap at the end of each van. She didn’t need to tell me when we were passing Mister’s wagon. She clung tighter, her whole body shaking. I peered through the gap too. I was expecting a great cruel monster of a man with a whip in his hand, but saw instead a small skinny creature in combinations and baggy trousers sipping tea before his fire. He wore an odd little bowler hat on the back of his head. It looked as if it was glued to his sparse hair.

  ‘Is that him?’ I whispered.

  Diamond nodded, shuddering.

  ‘Is he one of the clowns?’ I asked, noticing traces of bright red on the tip of his nose.

  ‘Yes, he is Mister Beppo,’ Diamond whispered. ‘He manages the act, with his three sons.’

  ‘The silver boys?’

  ‘He was a silver boy once, but he fell and hurt his back so he has to be Beppo instead,’ said Diamond.

  ‘Does he beat his boys too?’ I asked.

  ‘Sometimes, especially the youngest. The others are big and strong now, much bigger than him – but they’re scared of him too,’ she replied.

  ‘Well, don’t you worry. I’m looking after you now, Diamond,’ I said.

  ‘I know, though I am still a little bit worried,’ she said.

  ‘We’ll creep away then. We’ll find Madame Adeline.’

  Her wagon was right at the end, painted green, with green velvet curtains at the little window. It was my turn to tremble now.

  ‘This one’s hers, Madame Addie’s,’ said Diamond.

  ‘I know,’ I said, remembering how I’d sought it out five years ago, when I’d run away from the hospital.

  We sidled round the side of the wagon – and there was Madame Adeline herself sitting on the steps before her fire. I’d braced myself, knowing she was quite an elderly lady without her red wig and make-up, but she looked wonderful, her red hair still in place, her make-up giving her cheeks a pink glow. She was wearing a silky dark green tea gown and a royal blue woollen shawl, and wore two feathers, a green and a blue, in a sparkly clasp on her head. They gave her a regal air, as if she were a queen with an exotic crown. We stood timidly at the foot of her steps, peering up at her.

  ‘Hello,’ she said, gazing at us with interest. ‘Oh dear, Diamond, I think you’ve been crying again. Come here, darling.’ She held out her arms and Diamond rushed to her, hiding her face in the green tea gown. ‘I think I know you too, my dear,’ Madame Adeline said softly, looking at me.

  ‘I’m not sure you really do know me, Madame Adeline – though I certainly know you,’ I said fervently. ‘We met five years ago – and five years before that too.’

  ‘My goodness, I’m right. It’s Little Star,’ said Madame Adeline, smiling at me.

  I burst into tears.

  ‘Whatever’s the matter?’ she said, reaching out so that I was tucked within her embrace too, along with Diamond.

  ‘Nothing’s the matter. It’s just so wonderful that you remember me!’ I sobbed.

  ‘Of course I remember you. I was very worried about you when we last met – on the Heath, wasn’t it? You were a naughty girl and ran away.’

  ‘Only because you were going to take me back to the hospital.’

  ‘But you did go back, I checked,’ said Madame Adeline. ‘I felt so bad. I wished I’d weakened and let you stay with me. I wanted you to stay for my sake, though the circus is a harsh home for children. Look at this poor little soul.’ She stroked Diamond’s hair out of her eyes.

  ‘She says that clown, Beppo, beats her,’ I said.

  ‘Yes, he does,’ said Madame Adeline sadly. ‘He is a warped little man who thinks the only way to teach is through fear. It was the way he learned. It’s the only way he knows. But I try hard to look after little Diamond, don’t I, darling?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Diamond, climbing properly onto Madame Adeline’s lap and twining her skinny little arms round her neck.

  ‘I can’t always protect her. Beppo is cruellest when we’re rehearsing and I have to take Midnight through his paces then.’

  ‘Midnight! That’s your new black horse!’ I said eagerly. ‘He’s beautiful.’

  ‘Isn’t he! He’s given me a whole new lease of life. I thought I was finished when Firelight and Sugar grew too old for the ring, but then I saw this young colt at a gypsy fair. He was supposed to be too wild to ride, but I tamed him – with kindness.’ She kissed Diamond’s hair. ‘Beppo should train you with mint balls and apples, they work wonders.’ Madame Adeline looked at me. ‘Someone’s been training you too, Little Star. You look such a pale, peaky girl. Look at those sharp cheekbones and dark circles under your eyes. Who’s been working you so hard?’

  ‘I’m not worked hard. I’m back here in the village, and I’m very much loved and cared for, but somehow I’m still not happy.’

  ‘What would make you happy, dear?’ said Madame Adeline.

  ‘I – I don’t know,’ I said.

  She held me close. ‘Did you ever find your real mother?’ she asked softly.

  ‘I did! Oh, dear lovely Mama! She was there at the hospital all the time, working as a kitchen maid to be near me. But then last summer she was very ill and . . . and I lost her.’ I felt my eyes welling with tears again.

  ‘I’m so sorry. Oh dear. Now I will weep too.’

  ‘Is your mother dead too, Hetty?’ said Diamond. ‘Mine went to live with the angels.’

  ‘My mama lives there too. I’m sure she has wonderful white feathery wings and a dress as blue as the sky. Maybe they fly from cloud to cloud together. But my mama flies down to see me every now and then. She creeps inside my heart and speaks to me. She is a great comfort. Perhaps your mama will do the same.’

  I hoped Diamond’s mother had been a kindly soul. Her father certainly sounded a callous villain, selling his own daughter to that cruel little clown.

  ‘Now, my girls, I’m going to have a cup of tea. Would you like one too?’ said Madame Adeline.

  ‘And cake?’ said Diamond hopefully.

  ‘I expect we can find a cake if we search hard,’ said Madame Adeline, laughing.

  ‘Can Hetty have some cake too?’ Diamond asked.

  ‘Of course she can. Let us go and look for it.’

  Madame Adeline went up the steps and opened the green door painted with silver stars. We followed. I held my breath. There was the green velvet chair with the lace antimacassar and the little table with the fringed chenille cloth; there was the cabinet of dainty china shepherdesses, each with her own little white sheep; there was the bed with the patchwork quilt let down like a shelf from the wagon wall. It was all quite perfect, exactly as I remembered.

  Madame Adeline set her silver kettle on top of the spirit stove and fetched three willow-pattern cups and saucers. ‘Now, where can that cake be?’ she said. She looked under the table. ‘No cake here!’

  Diamond gave a timid chuckle.

  Madame Adeline looked in her armchair. ‘No cake here!’

  Diamond laughed properly.

  Madame Adeline went over to her bed. ‘Perhaps it’s curled up and gone to sleep?’ she said, searching under the sheets.

  Diamond laughed so much she had to sit down on the rug.

  ‘Where do you think that naughty cake is hiding?’ said Madame Adeline.

  ‘In the tin, in the tin!’ Diamond shouted, pointing to the big Queen Victoria cake tin on the shelf.

  ‘Ah!’ said Madame Adeline, lifting down the cake tin, prising off the lid and peering inside. ‘Yes, Diamond, you are absolutely right, you clever girl.’

  I was all agog too. When I saw the pink and yellow chequere