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  I fidgeted uncomfortably. I didn’t know whether to leave my chicken too and eat the Yorkshire pudding, copying Mum – or whether to carry on eating properly. I didn’t really feel like eating anything. My tummy felt as if it were shut.

  ‘I’d better check my cakes. I don’t want them to burn,’ I said quickly.

  They were pale gold and looking perfect. ‘Just right!’ I said, reaching for a tea towel to take them out.

  ‘Watch out. Use the oven gloves and mind your arms on the bars of the oven. Here, better let me do it,’ said Dad.

  ‘Oh, don’t fuss so. Tills can do it herself, can’t you? You’re practically grown up now, aren’t you, darling?’ said Mum.

  I hovered, not knowing whether to try to take the cakes out myself or not. Dad handed me the oven gloves and let me do it myself, but his hand was over mine, just in case. I needed his help because I’d gone a bit trembly. It wasn’t quite the way I’d imagined. Mum and Dad weren’t exactly arguing but they weren’t acting all lovey-dovey either.

  ‘I’m going to ice my cakes and then I’ll decorate them. I’ll put little pink hearts on them,’ I said.

  ‘Better let them cool down a bit first,’ Dad muttered.

  ‘They’ll be cool enough by the time she’s made the icing,’ said Mum. ‘Come on, Tills, let’s do it together.’

  Mum poured icing sugar into a bowl. She was a bit careless and clouds of white sugar rose in the air, like a tiny snowstorm. She just giggled.

  ‘Let’s add a few drops of lemon juice to the water, to stop it being overly sweet,’ said Mum. ‘There, I know all about baking too, Tills. Let’s get stirring then.’

  Mum had a turn, and then, when the icing sugar stopped being so stiff, she handed the spoon to me.

  ‘You have a go now. That’s my girl. Stir, stir, stir. And you can make a wish if you like.’

  I closed my eyes to make my wish, the most important wish in the world.

  ‘Stop it, Laura!’ Dad said, so sharply it made me jump. ‘You know very well what she’s wishing.’

  ‘She can wish for anything she wants,’ said Mum.

  ‘But it’s not going to happen, is it?’

  ‘Yes it is! I’m going to make sure I see Tilly lots and lots now. In fact, I’m going to have her to stay with me sometimes.’

  ‘No, Mum! You stay here,’ I said. ‘With Dad and me.’

  ‘Well, it would be a bit squashed, wouldn’t it, if your dad’s going to marry this girlfriend of his,’ said Mum.

  ‘I said, he hasn’t got any girlfriend.’

  ‘Then how are you going to be his bridesmaid? You said it last night on television!’

  ‘But that’s when Dad marries you,’ I said.

  Mum stared at me. ‘But of course I can’t marry your dad! Come on, Tills, you’re not a baby. Surely you understand the situation? Don’t look so upset. I meant what I said – you can come and stay with me sometimes, especially when your sister’s born.’

  ‘My sister?’ I had to hold onto the edge of the table to stop myself falling.

  ‘I had a scan so I know it’s a little girl,’ said Mum.

  It felt as if I’d breathed in all the icing sugar. I was so choked I could hardly speak. ‘You’re going to have a baby?’

  ‘Oh, darling, surely you realized? I’m eight months gone and starting to look like a tank,’ said Mum, patting her tummy.

  I stared at her. I stared at Dad. For one mad moment I thought Mum and Dad were having another baby together in spite of everything, and we could still be a proper family – Mum, Dad, the new baby and me.

  ‘Oh, Dad!’ I said.

  Dad looked at me very sadly. ‘It’s not my baby, Tilly,’ he said gently.

  ‘Oh!’

  ‘Don’t give me that old-fashioned look, Tills!’ said Mum. ‘It’s all perfectly legitimate! Tim and I even got married.’

  The room was swirling round and round. It seemed to have spun me into a new terrifying world where nothing made sense.

  ‘You got married?’

  Mum shrugged. ‘Yep.’

  ‘But I thought you never wanted to get married!’ I said.

  ‘I know, I know. I didn’t even plan it. But we were on holiday, staying with Tim’s folks in the Caribbean, and it just suddenly seemed a lovely romantic idea to have a beach wedding,’ said Mum.

  ‘Did you have a long white wedding dress and a veil?’ I whispered.

  ‘No, I wore a silk sarong, with flowers in my hair,’ said Mum. She searched in her bag and brought out her mobile phone. ‘Here, want to see?’

  I stood beside her, my fists clenched.

  Mum flicked through photos hurriedly. ‘Ah, here we are!’

  I stared at the photo. The sun was just setting, casting a pink glow over everyone on the beach. There was Mum, her new black hair threaded with pink and yellow flowers, wearing a loose silky dress, her feet bare on the sand. There was this Tim, a foolish-looking man wearing white shorts with a white shirt flapping in the breeze. And there was a girl about my age in a matching silk dress holding a posy of pink and yellow flowers.

  I pointed to her, suddenly unable to speak.

  ‘That’s Maya, Tim’s little niece,’ said Mum.

  ‘Your bridesmaid?’ I croaked.

  ‘Well, yes. Oh, Tills darling, I’d have much preferred to have you as my bridesmaid, of course I would, but you weren’t there,’ said Mum.

  Why didn’t you invite me? Why didn’t you tell me you were getting married to someone else? Why didn’t you think of me? Why didn’t you ever come and see me? Why did you have to wait until you saw me on television?

  I didn’t ask any questions out loud. I could see there wasn’t any point. I hardly said another word as I spread the icing on my cakes. Dad was right: they hadn’t cooled down enough. The icing went all runny, and when I tried to stick the hearts on they slipped sideways. My cakes looked a mess.

  ‘Oooh, delicious!’ said Mum and ate one straight away, gobbling it down and then licking her shiny red lips. ‘Aren’t you having one, Tills?’

  I knew if I ate a cake I’d probably be sick. ‘I’m a bit full up,’ I mumbled, though I’d hardly eaten anything.

  ‘Oh well, I’ll have another, seeing as I’m eating for two,’ said Mum. ‘And then what shall we do? Shall we all play a game together? Or watch a favourite film. I know, let’s watch Frozen and sing along.’

  So that’s what we did, even though I’d long ago stopped being obsessed by Frozen. I didn’t sing either. Neither did Dad. But Mum did, remembering nearly all the words. She even did the right gestures. She laughed when she saw me watching her.

  ‘See, I remember everything,’ she said.

  It was as if she’d frozen me in time. She didn’t really know anything about me now. And I didn’t know anything about this dyed-haired red-lipped stranger mum who had a baby under her black dress who was half my sister.

  ‘Why did you leave me, Mum?’ I asked as the credits rolled on the film.

  Dad switched the DVD off. The room was very quiet. I could hear the sound of my own breathing.

  ‘I didn’t leave you, Tills. I left your dad,’ said Mum. ‘It just . . . wasn’t working between us any more. I felt so trapped.’

  ‘But why didn’t you take me with you?’

  ‘Well, I thought about it. I wanted to. But – but I thought it would be kinder to you to let you stay with Dad. He’s not so up and down as me. I knew he’d look after you well.’ She looked at him. ‘You’ve done a good job, Michael,’ she said.

  Dad just nodded. He was looking at me worriedly.

  ‘But you could have come to see me more.’

  ‘I did. At first.’

  ‘So why did you stop? Why wouldn’t you let me know where you were? Why couldn’t I even phone you?’ I was heaving the words out now, as if I were being sick. I couldn’t choke them back.

  ‘Oh, darling, don’t get so upset. I thought it was for the best,’ said Mum. She got up and tried to put her arm