Whiskey Rebellion - Toni Aleo Read online

  “Sure there is.”

  “What?”

  “Stay for her.”

  I try to laugh, but it comes out more like a cough. “I can’t, even if I wanted to.”

  “Why’s that?”

  I just shake my head. “Personal shit.”

  “You’re never going to see me again. Why not just tell me?” she asks innocently, and I shake my head as I look down at the bar.

  “I don’t want to be tied down.”

  “Oh, so a man with a gypsy soul who is born to leave?”

  “Eh, I wouldn’t say all that.”

  “Was that how you were raised?”

  I just blinked. “No, my dad really wasn’t there for me—or my mom, for that matter.”

  She nods. “Did he leave you a lot?”

  I shake my head. “No, but he wouldn’t let me leave when I wanted to, and I wanted to really bad.”

  “Ah,” she says, and then she reaches out for my hand, squeezing it tightly. “I see, that’s a tough one.”

  I scoff. “Yeah. I guess.”

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “What?”

  “Can you honestly leave here and not think about her? Close your eyes and not see Lena the moment your lashes hit your cheeks? Or smell her, even though you know she’s not there? Can you walk away, and not feel the burn of regret?”

  Her questions are like knives as I gaze into her eyes. “Because I’d never be able to do that with Declan. I miss him when he’s within reach.”

  My chest aches as I inhale. I felt the same for Lena. “Seems the O’Callaghans have something about them that causes that.”

  “It’s the eyes,” she answers, and I have to look away.

  She is completely right.

  “So, answer me, Jackson. Can you walk away and know you’ll find a better love than what you have with her?”

  My mouth goes dry as I look up, meeting her gaze. I feel like I’m choking because I know every answer to every question she’s asked.

  I’ll think of Lena every second. I don’t have to close my eyes to see her, nor to try to smell her. She’s all over me. The regret, oh, it’s burning, and I haven’t even left yet. But still, I’m trying to ignore it.

  “What the hell? You’re supposed to be the quiet, nice one.”

  She laughs, waving me off. “It’s all a ploy to get people to like me and open up.”

  “You’re full of witchcraft,” I tease, and she squeezes my hand as I fall silent.

  “Don’t leave.”

  Patting my hand one last time, she shares a smile with me before turning and leaving the bar like she hasn’t just flipped my world upside down. I was sure there was no way she could occupy even more of my thoughts, but I was wrong. For now, as I stand in the pub where I saw her for the first time in Mayo, I can’t help but kick myself for walking away.

  But I don’t deserve her, and the thought of someone else touching her makes my skin crawl.

  Damn it, I want her.

  I miss her.

  I love her.

  I need her.

  But can I stay?

  Jackson: Hey.

  When I see his name come up on my phone, I hold my breath as a text bubble appears under his last text.

  Jackson: Can we meet up? I’d like to say goodbye.

  I glare at my phone, my tears itching my eyes.

  Jackson: Please, Lena.

  I know I shouldn’t answer him. I should just ignore him, but I can’t.

  Me: No. I refuse to say goodbye to you.

  With that, I throw my phone on the floor by my shoes as I bring my legs up into the chair I’m sitting in. Meredith is beside me, taking notes, while Ma looks through her iPad, making comments about the notes the woman Declan hired for the new campaign has sent over. I want to say I’m paying attention, that I am one hundred percent in the know, but my mind is flooded with thoughts of Jackson.

  “She wants your hair in curls. Hm, I don’t like that,” Ma says, swiping her hand along the iPad. Her other hand hangs on her leg, and neither has moved since I entered the room over an hour ago. While it hurts, it’s easier to focus on that than the pain that is eating me alive. “She looks regal with her hair straight down her back.”

  “Yes, madam.”

  I’m just so mad. I still can’t believe he is going to leave.

  But I refuse to cry over him. I’ve done that enough. Now I’m pissed. He promised that he’d never hurt me. That he was different, but here he is, taking my damn heart from me. I close my eyes as my ma says, “They also want green dresses instead of the blues. That doesn’t make sense to me. Meredith, a note on that. I thought the showstopper was black?”

  “It is, madam.”

  Ma makes a face. “Then why in the hell are they doing green?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Maybe I should meet up with him. Maybe I could talk him out of leaving. I haven’t talked to him in over a week. Surely, he misses me enough that he won’t want to go anymore. My silence was a test to scare him. He should have failed and come looking for me. But he hadn’t. Christ, maybe he doesn’t love me.

  “If we’re doing green dresses, then her makeup will have to be dark. And why in the hell would they put her in a sports car! She is an heiress. Old-fashioned is the way to go, don’t ya agree, darling?”

  I don’t get it. We could work on this—together. Like we did with my issues about Casey. Why doesn’t Jackson want to accept my help? I’m not sure how to help him, but Christ, if he needs a distraction, I’m the perfect one! I’ll do anything; I just don’t want him to leave.

  “Darling?”

  I whip my head up to my ma and nod quickly. “Yeah, Ma, I agree.”

  She gives me a small smile. “You’ve come into your own the last three months. I almost wouldn’t know it was you sitting there, involved, if ya didn’t speak.”

  I don’t comment. I’m too consumed by my pain. I don’t like knowing that he is leaving. Will he leave today? I don’t know how he is doing this. How he is walking away from what we have? It doesn’t make sense to me. Is he scared?

  “Bet yer excited for some time off. Three weeks. That’s a nice holiday. Where will you and yer Jackson be off to?’

  My shoulders sink as I let out a heavy sigh. I haven’t told her he broke it off with me. I haven’t told anyone because I didn’t see anyone. I went from work to my room to riding. I just didn’t have it in me to do much else. Especially when all I want is to be with him. “I don’t know yet.”

  “When will ya be bringing him to dinner? Da wants to meet him too, ya know.”

  “I just don’t know,” I answer, my voice breaking a bit but I suck my emotions back in.

  I refuse to accept this.

  “Well, haven’t you two been together over two months now?”

  I wring my fingers together, my eyes shutting. If only I could tell her that I have been involved with him for almost four months. I may have thought it was a quick romp in the sheets, but the moment his lips touched mine, I knew it was more than that. When I thought I had lost him, fate brought us back together. And now, now I love myself.

  Because of how he loves me.

  How can he throw that away?

  But then I realize something.

  “That gobshite.”

  “Lena, what’s wrong?”

  I just shake my head as I stand. “Nothing.”

  “He broke up with her.”

  I whip my head to Meredith, my jaw falling open as I inhale sharply.

  “He did what!” Ma roars. “He broke up with you? Does he know who he is with?”

  But I’m gawking at Meredith. “How’d ya know that?”

  She looks unsure as she clicks her pen to her pad. “Oh, well, Miss Lena, ya don’t go from smiling and dancing around to crying at the drop of a dime unless yer missing someone that holds yer heart. I saw him too. He looks like a train wreck. It’s painful for sure.”

  That should please me to know