Whiskey Rebellion - Toni Aleo Read online

  “Why? He is nothing. You are everything.”

  Tears start to roll down my face. “He took it all.”

  “He took nothing.”

  “Ma—”

  “No, Lena. You can’t give him any more power. He doesn’t deserve it. It’s your power.”

  It’s my power.

  Mine.

  Not his.

  But is it that easy?

  I look at her through my tears. “How do I make him go away? How do I stop giving him the power he has?”

  “By loving yourself.” I can only blink as she reaches for me, kissing my palms. “You have to love yourself the way I love you. The way Da loves you, and how Declan does. Amberlyn and Ronan, too. Ya have to believe in yerself, because you are amazing, Lena. Yer smart, yer beautiful, and you can do anything you set yer heart to.”

  Moving my hands from hers, I wipe my face as I replay her words, trying to make sense of them. The last time I checked, I did love myself. But if I did, would I be so destructive?

  “You’re struggling my love, and I understand that now. I do.” I look to my ma, taking a breath as she holds my gaze the best she can. “I’ll try let up a bit, but it’s hard when I know you know how to be.”

  I nod. “I do, but, Ma, I don’t want to. I want to be me.”

  Slowly shaking her head, she shrugs. “I don’t know how to accept that, Lena. It’s not the right way.”

  “But maybe it’s my way. It’s my path, and I have to learn to navigate it. Can’t ya see it’s time for change?”

  “Change?”

  “Yeah, Declan married Amberlyn, and I cuss, go to pubs, and kiss boys when I want. What’s so wrong with that?”

  “A lot, actually—”

  “To you. But to me, it makes me happy.” She looks away. “Don’t ya want me to be happy, Ma?”

  “Lena, that’s all I want, but it has to be the right way,” she says before she reaches for my hand, squeezing it. “Please consider what I’ve said.”

  It’s like she hasn’t even been listening to me. “But, Ma—”

  “And I’ll consider being a little more lenient.” I take in a sharp breath as our eyes meet, before one side of her mouth curves up. “I don’t think you realize how much I wish I could be you. To not care, to just be me, but I can’t. I do care, and I want the best for ya, my love.”

  “I know ya do, Ma.”

  “Grand, then let’s both consider what the other has said and leave it at that, yeah?”

  I nod. “Yeah.”

  Squeezing my hand once more, she smiles. “And if I have the choice next week of dying or not, don’t worry, I’ll choose not to.”

  I smile while holding back a sob. “That would be grand.”

  “I thought so.” She pats my hand before kissing it, and when she walks away, I watch her. I want to believe she’ll think of what I said, but I know she won’t. I know if I had admitted to being with Jackson last night, she’d flip. I think she knows, though, and doesn’t want to add that into our fight since I’m already fucking up left and right in her eyes. As she holds the banister tightly, I want to run to her and help, but her pride wouldn’t allow it. I wouldn’t want anyone helping me either. I’m like her in that sense.

  Even though she drives me absolutely mad, I don’t know how I’d live without her.

  And I sure as hell don’t want to know anytime soon.

  Lena went over and beyond.

  I’m sitting on a blanket in the sand, and the horses are grazing along the grassy area while I watch her set up. It’s a beautiful day. The ocean is blue and loud as it crashes to the shore. I want to say I’m taking it all in, but really, I’m only taking Lena in. “I had to make everything since if I mentioned I was making it for this, I’d get billions of questions. So it may not be up to par.”

  Leaning on my side, I watch as she sets some plates on the blanket. “I don’t know what par is, so I’m impressed no matter what.”

  The grin that covers her face makes my heart soar. “Well, I can tell ya, the tea sandwiches are a wee bit messy, and the crisps are from the store.”

  “I love store-bought chips.”

  She laughs as she hands me a plate and then another saucer with a teacup on it. “If the tea tastes like arse, it’s totally my fault. It’s my favorite, but no one else likes it.”

  I take a sip. “Tastes sweet.”

  “Yeah, I love it,” she gushes as she takes a bite of her sandwich. “I made a Jell-O salad, but I’m unsure you’ll like it.”

  Reaching over, I take her hand and squeeze it. “It’s perfect. Relax.”

  She exhales as she nods. “Okay.”

  I can tell she’s nervous, and I find it adorable. “You didn’t have to go to all this trouble.”

  She waves me off. “I wanted to.”

  “Well, it’s nice.” She looks at me out of the corner of her eye, and I find her utterly stunning. I can’t get enough of her nervousness and almost shyness. It’s amazing and makes me feel all kinds of things.

  “I’m a wee bit nervous ya won’t like it. I’m so used to everything being done for me, and when I was in Dublin, I just ate out, so it was weird doing all this.”

  “It tastes amazing. Everything is awesome. I promise.”

  She beams over at me. “Well, that makes me day.”

  I reach over, stroking her ankle, and she covers my hand, running her thumb along the back of my hand. She’s wearing cropped dress pants with little flats that make her feet seem so small. Her shirt is tight to her skin, while her blazer hangs open. Her hair is down, only some of it pulled back. She has a little makeup on, and her lips are red and glossy.

  Of course, I’m still captivated by her.

  “So, how was your morning?”

  She glances over at me, holding her hand over her mouth as she chews. “Busy. I actually got to go to my flat in Dublin.”

  “Oh, really?”

  She nods. “It was to pick the things I wanted to move. Everything else will stay if I ever get to go back.”

  I hadn’t realized there was a possibility she would. “Do you think you will?”

  I watch as she worries her lip in between her teeth. “I don’t know. Depends on what happens with my ma.”

  “How’s she doing?”

  “She seems weak to me, but I don’t know. My da is confident, and she told me the other day she wouldn’t die.”

  I smile. “Well, that’s a plus.”

  “Her blood pressure has been evening out, which is good, from what the doctors are saying.”

  “That’s wonderful.”

  Her lips curve a small bit as she nods. “I worry. I don’t want to lose her.”

  “I didn’t want to lose my mom either. I don’t think anyone ever does.”

  “Yeah, it’s scary.”

  “It is.”

  A silence falls over us, the crash of the ocean and seagulls filling the void. I can see that she’s in her own world, and I want to be there with her. I want to make it all go away, but she’ll have to let me. “So what did you get at your place?”

  She looks up at me. “Ah, just a few things. I got my pottery wheel.”

  My face scrunches up. “You make pottery?”

  She laughs. “I do. It relaxes me. Now I just need some clay.”

  “That’s kind of hot.”

  She giggles. “Ah, shut it. It is not. I get a mess when I do it.”

  “I like you a mess,” I tell her, and she sends me a kittenish grin.

  “Yer impossible.”

  “You’ve said that before.” Throwing a chip into my mouth, I ask, “Will you make me a pot?”

  “Now yer teasing me!”

  “I’m not! I want a pot.”

  She smacks me playfully, but when she goes to pull away, I capture her hand, bringing her in close. Her eyes burn into mine as I wipe some of the sauce from the sandwich off her lips, and some of her gloss smudges along her mouth. “I want a pot made by Lena O’Callaghan.”