The Princess Rules Read online

  The firemen unpacked their thickest and longest hosepipe and held it up to the giant. Simon put it carefully into his cavernous mouth, and then they pumped a steady stream of sweet lemonade up to him, emptying every one of the twenty-three fire engines until at last the giant burped an earth-shattering burp and said, ‘Pardon me.’

  Meanwhile Florizella, mounted on Jellybean with Samson trotting behind her – very fast away from the giant, rather slowly back towards him – was riding round to every nearby farmhouse asking everyone to come at once and to bring all the food they had in their larder for the biggest picnic in history.

  They weren’t at all keen. There were still a number of people who thought the giant should be murdered while he slept. There were even more who thought the king and queen – or Florizella and Bennett – should move him on without delay. But Florizella, who could be very persuasive, told them all that the only way they would get rid of the giant for good would be to feed him up, equip him with glasses and seeds, then help him to go home.

  ‘He doesn’t want to stay!’ she said. ‘So we have to help him find his way home. Besides, he doesn’t mean any harm. He’s only little.’

  How Florizella could call an enormous giant ‘little’ was beyond most people. But the nicer people felt sorry for Simon. And the crosser ones were not going to attack him on their own. So Florizella got her way and very soon led them all, in wagons and farm carts, coaches and carriages, to the wood on the Plain Green Plains where the giant was obediently sitting as still as he could.

  They built great bonfires. They roasted oxen on spits as big as trees. They piled mound upon mound of bread dough into bathtubs and set them to cook on the hot embers. They baked a thousand potatoes in the hot ashes, they trailed string after string of sausages like bunting through the flames, where they cooked and spat and sizzled. They found a big empty swimming pool from somewhere and threw hundreds of lettuces into it, tomatoes by the thousand and lorry-loads of onions for a fresh salad.

  ‘Not more onions!’ Florizella said.

  They went to a garden centre and bought the biggest ornamental fishpond that anyone had ever seen, with a lovely circular wavy edge, and into it they poured all the milk from the dairy and all the custard powder they could lay their hands on. They stirred it up and then poured a long stream of red jelly on top. When it had set, which took several hours, they called out the Seven Kingdoms’ world-famous weight-lifting team.

  Dressed only in their smart blue trunks, their great muscles bulging with the strain, the twenty strong men stood on one side of the enormous jelly mould. At the count of three they tipped it up, slowly, slowly, slowly, until it was on its side and then crashed down on to a sheet of corrugated iron that was to be the giant’s pudding plate.

  They stepped back, bowed at the crowd and slapped each other on the back.

  That was the first stage completed.

  The second stage was even harder. They all stood round the upside-down jelly mould and gripped the rim. They heaved and heaved and heaved, while their muscles bulged and their eyes popped out and their faces went most dreadfully red. There was an exciting moment when nothing happened, and then with a great

  Flubb

  ubb

  ubb

  ubb

  ubb …

  … the biggest jelly-and-custard trifle in the world slithered out of the jelly mould and sat wobbling temptingly in the sunlight like a red-and-yellow island.

  When it was all ready, two hundred sea scouts from the Seven Kingdoms’ navy struggled up with a great sail from a tall-masted ship. Carefully they spread it out, heaved it up on to the giant’s knees and heaped all the food on it.

  Then the giant, using his huge fat fingers, very carefully picked up all the potatoes, sausages, bread, roasted oxen and salad, and ate and ate and ate. He used a scoop from a bulldozer to eat the trifle. It was like a dainty little teaspoon in his hand. He dug into the jelly-and-custard island, shovel after shovel, until finally it was all gone. Every delicious slurpy bit.

  It was unbelievable how much he ate. Florizella and Bennett watched in amazement as all the food they had gathered from the length and breadth of the kingdom disappeared. Samson kept a keen lookout for any leftovers. He was determined to lick the bowl. He would have to climb into it, of course, and wade through jelly. He was really starting to like the giant.

  ‘Have you had enough?’ Florizella yelled up at the giant. She was perching on one of his knees, clinging to his sail-napkin.

  The giant beamed down at her. ‘That was grand! But tell me – what’s for tea?’

  ‘We’ll think about tea later,’ Florizella said firmly. ‘I want you to wait here now while we see if we can help you with your eyesight.’

  ‘I’ve got to sit still again?’ Simon asked. He was disappointed.

  ‘Yes!’ Florizella shouted at him.

  ‘I thought friends played games together. I thought the three of us might play a game.’

  ‘I have to find my mother and father,’ Florizella said quickly. ‘They will want to meet you.’

  ‘Can’t we have a quick game before you go? What about Hide and Seek?’

  Florizella gazed up at the enormous giant. Even sitting down, his head poked high above the tops of the smaller trees. Standing up, he was taller than the wood. The only place he would ever be able to hide would be among the highest of mountains. And then his boots would fill a small valley.

  ‘We’ll play something later,’ Florizella promised. ‘Will you sit still now?’

  Simon was reluctant. ‘Isn’t there anyone who will play with me? Or even talk to me? I’d like someone to tell me a story.’

  Florizella looked around. Everyone who had been standing about doing nothing except listening to Florizella talking to the giant, suddenly became tremendously busy and had no time at all.

  Everyone except one little girl.

  She came up to Florizella and smiled a wide, gap-toothed smile. She nodded her curly head. ‘I’ll talk to him,’ she said to Florizella. ‘I think he’th thweet.’

  Florizella looked doubtfully at her. She was such a small girl, dressed in a blue pinafore dress with very clean white socks and blue shoes with little straps.

  ‘How old are you?’ Florizella asked.

  ‘Thix,’ the little girl said. ‘I could tell him thtorieth.’

  Bennett gave a giggle and turned it into a cough. The little girl was not fooled. She looked at him severely.

  ‘There ith no need to thnigger,’ she said warningly. ‘I know thome very nithe thtorieth.’

  Florizella grinned. ‘What’s your name?’ she asked.

  ‘Thethilia,’ the little girl said. ‘That’th unfortunate at the moment, becauthe I have a lithp while my front tooth ith growing.’

  ‘Oh! So you have!’ Florizella said kindly, pretending that she had not noticed, and scowling at Bennett, who stuffed his fist into his mouth to muffle his laughter and ducked behind some trees.

  Florizella called up to the giant. ‘There’s a little girl down here called Cecilia. She says she’ll tell you stories.’

  The giant lowered his great hand and Cecilia clambered into his warm, damp palm. Florizella watched as the giant raised her up to his eye level.

  ‘Now,’ she heard her say. ‘I’ll tell you all about Thleeping Beauty.’

  The king and queen had taken a long time to get everyone in the royal court moving, but they were only an hour’s journey away from the giant when Florizella and Bennett met them on the road. With the royal procession was the royal zoo keeper, the royal surveyor, the royal enchanter, two hundred of the royal guard and about a hundred other people who had nothing better to do on a fine summer’s day than to come along and see what was happening.

  ‘Hello, Florizella!’ the king said as Florizella came cantering up on Jellybean. ‘Found the giant?’

  ‘Yes!’ Florizella said in a rush. ‘He’s only young and he’s short-sighted and lonely. But he will go back to his own cou