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  left. It couldn't have been warm from his ass, or at least I

  shouldn't have been able to feel it if it was, but I imagined

  heat. I knew I shouldn't pick up the paper, or smooth it

  out in front of me. I knew, especialy, that I shouldn't read

  it.

  But I did, anyway.

  I didn't learn the secrets of the universe. I didn't even find

  out his name. He'd mostly been scribbling and doodling,

  with a few chicken-scratch phrases I could read but didn't

  understand here and there on the paper. Looking over it, I

  should've felt dirty. I only felt disappointed. But what had I

  expected, a hand-written autobiography listing his

  expected, a hand-written autobiography listing his

  education, career and medical history?

  Stil, I smoothed out the creases as I finished my breakfast

  and folded the paper in half. Then half again. And again,

  until finaly I'd turned a legal-size sheet of paper into a

  palmful of secrets. It wasn't any of my business. I had no

  right to keep it. It weighed there as heavily as a handful of

  lead, and yet I couldn't manage to toss it into the trash.

  I did wish, though, that I'd lingered over the coffee.

  Riverview Manor doesn't have a doorman, and the front-

  desk staff was there to accept packages and take care of

  problems, not keep anyone from entering the building. The

  building had security cameras in the elevators and on every

  floor, but no real means of keeping anyone out who

  wanted to be in.

  Part of me wasn't surprised when I turned the corner of

  the hal to see Austin waiting for me in front of my door.

  Another part wanted to turn and run away. I lifted my chin

  instead, wishing again I'd at least bothered to wear

  makeup, though honestly he'd seen me look way worse.

  "What are you doing here?" I bent to put my bags down

  so I could pul my key from my purse. When I stood,

  so I could pul my key from my purse. When I stood,

  Austin's eyes were on my face, not my ass. Now, that

  surprised me.

  "You didn't answer my cals."

  I fit the key into the lock, but didn't turn it right away. "I

  meant, what are you doing here? "

  "I caled your mom."

  I unlocked and opened my door and pushed it, but didn't

  go through. I turned to look at him. My irritation must have

  been clear on my face, because he held up his hands right

  away as though I meant to punch him. "My mother told

  you where I lived?"

  "Your mom always liked me."

  I blew a sigh that fluttered the fringe of my bangs off my

  forehead and then pushed through the door. I left it open

  behind me, as much of an invitation as I could bear to give.

  He folowed and shut the door. Softly, with a click, not a

  slam.

  I put my bags in the kitchen and kicked off my shoes.

  Austin stood stil and watched me without making any

  Austin stood stil and watched me without making any

  move to sit. He looked around the apartment with interest,

  then shoved his hands deep into his pockets and rocked

  on his heels while I took my time unpacking and putting

  away my groceries.

  "Can I sit down?" he asked finaly, when I'd made it clear I wasn't going to offer.

  "Do you have to ask?" I kept my back turned as I sifted

  through the change from my walet. I found a Wheatie

  penny and set it aside to put in my colection, then washed

  my hands thoroughly with soap and hot water. Money is

  one of the filthiest things a person can touch.

  When I turned to look at him, he was stil standing. We

  stared at each other across the expanse of my unimmense

  living room until I nodded. He sat the way he always had,

  legs sprawled, taking up as much space as he could.

  I took my time cleaning the kitchen, wiping the counters

  and scrubbing the sink with bleach-infused powder. I even

  emptied the garbage pail and took the trash out to the

  chute at the end of the hal. I expected Austin to be

  restless or irritated by the time I came back, but he'd

  found a copy of a Robert Heinlein novel inside the pile of

  found a copy of a Robert Heinlein novel inside the pile of

  books and magazines thrown into the straw basket next to

  the couch and was flipping through it.

  "It doesn't have any pictures," I said from the doorway.

  Austin put the book on the coffee table. "This is nice."

  He hadn't risen to the bait, though I'd made a point of

  pushing one of his buttons. "The book?"

  "The coffee table," he said, stil not rising.

  "It was Stela's."

  Austin nodded, like that made sense. "Glad I didn't put my

  feet up on it."

  It took me an actual five seconds before I realized he was

  trying to tease me without pissing me off. He was actualy

  just…kidding. I knew how to handle him trying to seduce

  me or piss me off. I didn't know how to take that.

  "I miss you," Austin said.

  The words were hard to hear, and I don't mean because

  he spoke too low, or mumbled. They were hard for me to

  he spoke too low, or mumbled. They were hard for me to

  listen to because I didn't know what to say. I didn't want

  him to miss me.

  I sat across from him, instead. The recliner's springs

  sometimes poked through the faded material, though I'd

  tossed a fleece throw over it. One did now, and I winced

  as I shifted.

  "I do," he said, as though my expression had been in

  response to his statement and not a coil of wire in my butt.

  "Austin." Nothing else would come out.

  He shrugged. I hadn't falen in love with him because of his

  way with words. Back then it hadn't mattered if he spoke

  more with his hands than his mouth. Back then we'd both

  been young and dumb.

  "You look good, Paige. This place," he gestured, "it's nice."

  "Thanks."

  His hair used to be bleached almost white by the sun, and

  he wore it so short I could see his scalp. When I ran my

  fingers through it, my nails scraped skin. Now it fel

  fingers through it, my nails scraped skin. Now it fel

  forward over his ears and forehead and was the color of

  wheat in a field, waiting to be cut. His eyes, moving over

  my face, made me think he was waiting to be cut, too.

  I almost couldn't do it. I mean, the night before I'd let him

  put his tongue down my throat and his hands al over me.

  When the warmth of him wafted over me, I wanted to

  close my eyes at how familiar it was. How easy it would

  have been to take him by the hand and lead him to my

  bedroom.

  I kept my eyes open, a lesson I'd been taught a long time

  ago but had taken me a long time to learn. "I don't miss

  you, Austin. Last night was a mistake."

  "C'mon, Paige. Don't say that. We were always good

  together."

  "We haven't been together for a long time," I said, not

  quite as evenly as I wanted.

  "It's not just the sex." Austin leaned forward, too, his

  hands on the knees of his dirty denim