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There wasn't anything wrong with Austin's question, but it

  made my stomach twist and turn. "I don't want anything

  from you. That's the point. Isn't it?"

  "Jesus, Paige!" The doors opened and a mother holding

  two kids by the hand pushed her way through. Austin

  stepped aside to let her pass and we waited until she'd

  halfway crossed the parking lot before he spoke again.

  "Why not? Why the fuck not?"

  "I don't know!" Again, not what I thought I meant to say

  but once the words came out I had no others.

  but once the words came out I had no others.

  He stepped closer to me. Taler. Broader. I couldn't

  decide if I was intimidated or turned on.

  "What wil it take to convince you I'm different?"

  "What wil it take to convince you I'm not?"

  We weren't shouting, but my throat hurt as much as if I'd

  screamed. Austin's face worked. He stepped closer stil.

  "What do you want? Do you want me to jump through

  hoops? Is that it? Is that what you want?" He studied my

  face and must have seen something in it, because al at

  once his shoulders slumped. "What kind of man does

  that?"

  Helplessly, I thought of Eric and the mingled heat of

  shame, fury and desire mingled with despair. "Some men

  would."

  Austin tossed his hands in the air and made a noise that

  had a depth of meaning, even without words. This time,

  when he walked away, I watched him go and I didn't cal

  him back.

  him back.

  The car ride back to my dad's was quieter, thank God, as

  Tyler wound down. We made it home to a message on the

  answering machine teling us they'd be home later than

  expected. I sent Tyler upstairs to brush his teeth and get

  into bed, but I held Jeremy back. It was proof of how

  much Tyler was worn out that he barely argued.

  "Sit." I pointed at one of the bar stools pushed up against the kitchen island. "Want a soda?"

  "I'm not supposed to."

  I'd already puled out two from the fridge and pushed one

  toward him. "Yeah, yeah, save the innocent act for your

  mother."

  We both cracked the tops of our cans. From upstairs

  came the rush of water and some thudding footsteps, then

  some singing. I laughed. Jeremy roled his eyes.

  "So," I said after I took a long swig. "What crawled up your ass and died?"

  "Nothing."

  I understood sulen. "Dad says you've been giving him and

  Stela a hard time. And that you even got into trouble at

  school. What's up, dude?"

  "Did Dad tel you to interrogate me?" Jeremy sneered and

  didn't even open his soda.

  "Ooh. Mr. Vocabulary."

  He scowled and hunched over the island. "Why can't he

  just leave me alone?"

  "Because he's your dad."

  Jeremy had the same color eyes as my dad. As me. Blue

  edged with gray. Now they'd gone dark with his anger.

  "He's your dad, too!"

  Of al the things he could have said, I wasn't expecting

  something like that. "Yeah. So?"

  He shrugged violently and hunched forward again. I leaned

  on the island across from him and waited. Jeremy had

  used to be a lot like Tyler, mouth going a mile a minute. I

  could wait him out.

  "Don't you ever…hate him?"

  He'd voiced his question so low I almost missed it, but I

  didn't lean closer to hear better. I pushed back, instead,

  stunned at the vehemence in his tone. "Hate Dad?"

  Jeremy lifted watery eyes to me. "Yeah. Don't you?"

  I had absolutely no idea what any of this was about, but I

  kept my voice gentle. "Why, Jeremy? Do you?"

  He ducked his head again. Twelve was tough. Not a kid

  anymore, not a teen. I'd given my mom her first gray hairs

  when I was twelve.

  "He always tels us family is so important." He spat the last word and I heard the snurfle of snot.

  I grabbed a couple tissues from the box on the counter

  behind me and passed them over. Jeremy grabbed them

  and tucked them against his face, stil bent into the circle of

  his arms. I drank some soda while I thought of what to

  say.

  "Family is important," was al I could come up with.

  Jeremy looked at me again, though his tears had to be

  embarrassing. "He was married before my mom."

  "Yeah. I know. To Gretchen and Steven's mom. But that

  was before you were born, guy."

  "But not," Jeremy said in a voice laced thick with disgust,

  "before you were born."

  He'd only just now figured it al out. Wel, I'd known it

  younger than twelve and it hadn't made it any easier for me

  to know my father had been married to another woman

  when he had me. I was three before my dad realy started

  making an effort to see me, his first marriage already over.

  He was dating Stela by then. I never realy knew him with

  anyone else.

  "My mom…" Jeremy shuddered and swiped at angry

  tears. "She's the reason he got divorced from Gretchen

  and Steve's mom. Isn't she?"

  "I don't know, Jeremy. I never asked. It's not my business.

  And, realy, not yours." I didn't want to come off hard on

  him. I understood. But I also knew it wouldn't change

  anything for him to be angry over it.

  "If family is so important, why did he do that?"

  I sighed, at a loss. "I don't know."

  Jeremy scrubbed at his face, the tears gone. His bright

  eyes were shaped like Stela's though they were my dad's

  color, and he looked like her when he frowned that way.

  "He cheated on his first wife and had another baby, and

  then he did it again!

  That's not putting family first. That's not treating them like

  they're important!"

  Of al my dad's kids I'd thought Gretchen or Steven might

  have had the most to bitch about. After al, their lives had

  been turned upside down and torn apart by their dad's

  infidelity. Mine hadn't been al strawberries and cream, but

  it had been al I'd ever known. Jeremy and Tyler had lived

  the lives of princes from birth.

  "What are you worried about?" I asked him quietly. "That he'l do it again?"

  He didn't have to answer with words. I reached across the

  island and took my half brother's hand. In my pocket, my

  island and took my half brother's hand. In my pocket, my

  phone buzzed, but I didn't reach for it.

  "Your dad loves you. And he loves your mom. Crazy

  like."

  Jeremy let me hold his hand but didn't squeeze my fingers

  in return. "Did he love your mom, Paige?"

  I let go of his hand. "I don't know. That's between them."

  "And it doesn't make you mad?"

  I shrugged. "It used to, I guess. But what can I do about

  it? I'm a grown-up now, kiddo. I have to do my own thing.

  At least I know my dad, you know? Some kids never do."

  He nodded finaly and wiped at his face again with the

  grimy, shredded tissue. "It makes me so mad, though."

  "It's okay to be mad. Maybe you should talk to him about

  it, though, instead of being bad in school."

  Jeremy looked stricken. "He'd