Beneath the Veil Read online

  I froze, unable to move, to breathe, even to think. "But I lied to you."

  He shook his head and reached for me again, and this time, I allowed his caress. "Not about anything that matters."

  "I don't know how to be a woman," I told him miserably.

  "You don't have to. Just be who you are."

  "It's not that easy."

  He took my hands and pulled me step by hesitant step closer, until I met his look. "Some things aren't."

  "I'm afraid, Lir."

  "Of me?" He frowned.

  My mind filled with the memory of Rosten's foul kiss, and the gropings of his soldiers. I shivered. Lir gathered me into his arms and held me for a long time without speaking.

  "You are the most headstrong and valiant person I have ever met," he said at last. "You challenge me. You make me a better person for that. I've long wished to be your friend. Your brother of the heart. I would be honored to have that with you, and if there can be nothing more...."

  "More?" I rasped.

  His warm breath fluttered the remains of my hair. "If you can't have me as your lover, I'll be honored to have your friendship."

  "They did...things to me."

  "I know they did."

  Anger filled me again, this time not at Lir, but at the Book Monster and his squadron of brutes. I pulled away and looked at Lir full in the face. My face felt taut with fury, and he pulled away probably thinking my anger was directed at him.

  "What they did to me had nothing to do with love. Nothing to do with pleasure. What they did to me was all about power. Hurting me because they could, because Rosten allowed them to. They judged and punished me, and they had no right to do that!"

  "No, they didn't."

  "And I won't let them take this from me!" I put his hand on my waist, then up to the curve of my breast. "I won't let them ruin me, Lir. Not for anybody. But especially not for you."

  I kissed him. He'd treated me with far more tenderness than I gave him. I captured his mouth with mine, opened it, forced his hands to hold me closer. His touch stung on my healing back, but the memories hurt worse. I wanted the heat of our passion to burn away the memories of what had happened in Rosten's workroom.

  "Make me clean," I told him.

  I'd always felt small beside him, but never more so than when he carried me to the bed. He laid down with his hand behind my head, so gently it was as though I floated on currents of air. Then he my body on top of his and wrapped me in his warmth until I could only think of him.

  We made love in a dozen different ways, until I lost track of how many times he had made my body sing. Each time, he brought me to life with his mouth and his hands, and I did the same for him, until at last he fell upon me, exhausted, and pleaded for mercy.

  "I need to rest, love. And so do you. You'll make yourself sick."

  "Can that happen?" I straddled his naked body and kissed him. Without the fall of my hair to cover us, I felt exposed, but I no longer cared. Lir's love had returned to me what Rosten had tried to steal. I stroked a lazy finger along the line of his jaw and touched his lips. "Can someone get sick from too much love?"

  He laughed and rolled onto his back, his arm across his eyes. "I'd think it more likely someone would fall ill from not enough, rather than too much. But you've been through a lot. You need to rest and heal."

  I returned to his side and curved my body to his. "Lir, what happened in Alyria isn't finished."

  "I know."

  I lay back, careful of my soreness but content to know he stayed beside me. "What does Daelyn say of it?"

  He sighed deeply. "Dae says nothing at all."

  I sat up. "What do you mean?"

  Lir rubbed at his eyes, and I noticed again how tired he looked. "Dae hasn't spoken a word since the arrest."

  "Nothing? Nothing at all?" I thought of Dae's quick tongue and sharp wit. "I find that hard to believe."

  Lir rolled to look seriously at me. "Screams don't count."

  Nausea twisted my stomach. "He hasn't spoken in how long? How long has it been?"

  "Three weeks over the mountains. Another four days here."

  I sat up, stunned by the passage of time. I shouldn't have been surprised. The healing of my body's wounds should have told me how long it had been since I'd been in Rosten's workshop. Still, the knowledge I'd lost near to a month of my life, and could recall but pieces of it, made me shiver.

  "I have to go to him."

  Lir held me back when I made to leave our bed. "Galya has been with her."

  "Her."

  He nodded.

  "Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why did you let me spend so long on my own pleasure when I could have gone to...her?"

  "I was selfish."

  I struck at him and rolled from the bed. "You were! How could you, Lir?"

  "Aeris, Daelyn must heal in her own way as you had to heal in yours. If you'd fought me further this morn, I'd have sent you to her without qualms. Tell me you didn't need from me what I was able to give, and I'll take the blame." He looked deeply into my eyes. "Tell me you didn't need my love."

  I couldn't tell him that, of course, because what we had shared had given me strength. It had given me back myself. I sat on the edge of the bed, subdued.

  "Is he...is she..." I sighed. "It's difficult to change a way of speaking and thinking after so long."

  He laughed. "It's a bit easier for me. I've known Dae since we were children. I've known for a long time that she's a she."

  "And me?" I tilted my head to stare at him. "How do you think of me?"

  "The way I've always thought of you," he replied gently. "I told you, that hasn't changed. Whether I call you she or he doesn't matter to me. If you had chosen never to tell me your truth, or if I'd never had occasion to learn it, I don't think it would have mattered."

  "Did you know? Before?"

  Lir pulled me closer and kissed my lips. "I suspected, but didn't believe even Daelyn would be so foolhardy as to bring another woman so close to her. I underestimated how much Daelyn needed you."

  It seemed a dual-edged compliment to me, and I drew away. "A lot of good I did her. If I hadn't gone after Galya, Rosten would never have discovered the truth about me. He'd never have been able to arrest Dae--"

  "Hush." Lir put a finger to my lips. "Rosten would have found a way to arrest Daelyn. It was only a matter of time."

  Tears sparked my eyes and I bit my lip. "Is she ill? Is she hurt?"

  "Rosten beat her, though not as badly as they did you. As for the other...yes, Aeris. She's hurt. Her body has healed, but the rest of her –"

  I got out of bed. "You should have told me this sooner."

  "I wanted to spare you as long as I could. I hoped that every day passing would mean Dae would come back to herself. I thought if there were enough time..."

  I left him and went to the privy chamber, where I washed quickly from the basin of water. I dressed in the clothes I'd tried earlier and bumped into Lir as I left the chamber and he entered.

  "Wait, Aeris. I'll take you to her."

  I fairly danced in impatience while I waited for him to perform his ablutions and dress. When he had clothed himself, I had to take a minute to look him over.

  "The fashion of Elitan is not so...fashionable," he said as he pointed at his plain attire. He looked at me. "It must be a shock, I know."

  I shook my head. He wore dark, long pants and a matching dark vest over a snowy white shirt. The garments were well-made, but without the ornamentation even the simplest merchant wore in Alyria. He went bareheaded, his black hair braided at the temples. His boots were worn.

  Without the frills and cosmetic, he was still the most handsome man I'd ever seen, and I told him so.

  "I think we can do better for you, though." He pointed at my own plain outfit. "I think you'll find the style for women in Elitan a sight more pleasing to the eye than you're used to."

  My heart thudded and I clutched at my vest. "I like what I'm wearing. I don't want to