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  I did, and mixed it with some wine. He drank it down as he stared out the window. From this height, it was easy enough to look down into the fight field or over the wall into the street beyond. The lamps had been hung with tassels of silver and blue to celebrate the Feast of Sinder.

  "Times are changing, Aeris."

  "I know they are, my prince."

  He winced, as though pain stabbed him, then relaxed. "Tomorrow I try again to plant my seed."

  Something about the way he said it made me step closer to him. "I don't understand why the prospect seems to distress you so much, Daelyn."

  "You mean after last night?" He shrugged. "Because I enjoy making love to women, you think seeking to plant seed in one should be no great effort for me?"

  "Well...yes."

  He scoffed. "What I do for my own pleasure is far different than what I am required to do to further the Avigdor name. There is ritual and protocol to follow. The women they bring me have no interest in me as a lover. They are no better than brood cattle whose sole purpose is to provide me with heirs. There is no joy in our coupling. It's disgraceful and mortifying, and I loathe it. Besides, it should be clear enough to you by now that I will never spawn a child, male or otherwise."

  "You can't know –"

  His expression stopped me. "I know, Aeris."

  "What will you do?"

  He shook his head. "I'd been prepared to accept the fact I would never..." his voice faltered for a moment in a rare show of emotion. He cleared his throat and lifted his chin. "I would never hold a babe of mine own. I accepted that. I was prepared to live my life as Prince Regent, and not King. And in a perfect world, Aeris, that would have been enough. Lord Rosten is making that impossible."

  "You don't care to keep your family in power?"

  He laughed somewhat cruelly and made a face. "In a place where women are so mistreated? I’m ashamed to have been part of that. Ashamed of the name I share with generations of men who believed what hung between their legs entitled them to act like gods. No. I don't care if my name continues. I do care that men like Rosten seek to replace me."

  "You're putting up those posters." I sat next to him on the windowsill and shivered at the feel of the cold glass against my back. "And the three women. You arranged their escape?"

  A smile touched his lips. "It's better you don't know so much."

  "You trust me with your hair and your cosmetics and your clothes." I couldn't keep the bitterness from my voice. "You trust me with your messes, but not your secrets."

  His blue eyes grew steely. "How many times already have you judged me only to learn you were wrong?"

  I strode across the room. I'd seen him committing the crime of love of women, something that would get an average citizen tortured and the women killed. I held the power of my knowledge in my fists, and still he would not soften to me.

  "I know I am only your fetchencarry. Even though you chose me, and not I you, I've done my best to please you. Don't I please you, Daelyn?"

  He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at me. "You please me very well."

  I didn't want to cry in front of him. I didn't want my heart to break because he wouldn't grant me the key to his mystery. I didn't want to go to my knees in front of him.

  But I did.

  He put a hand on the top of my head, but said nothing while my shoulders shook with sobs. His fingers stroked my hair, the way my mother used to when I was small, before I was too old to be her baby and had to become her son.

  "Do you love me at all?" The question came out a broken whisper. I bit my tongue as the words leaked from my lips. I didn't want to speak them aloud but felt powerless not to.

  His voice was gentle. "I care for you more than you can possibly know. Which is why I don't want to see you hurt."

  It wasn't enough. I sank lower for a moment, until my head hit the chilly stone floor. I was ashamed and shameless when at last I looked at him with eyes wet from weeping.

  "I would give you everything," I whispered.

  "I know you would, love." Daelyn touched my cheek. "And that's exactly why I won't take it."

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  I attended him at court that day. I kept my station at his side or behind him, and I made certain his cup was always filled and his plate never empty. I hated feeling adrift. Desperate. Lovesick and heartsick at the same time, and all for an impossible dream. I knew it. That knowledge helped me dry my eyes and straighten my back. But knowing it did not take away the pain in my heart.

  My fragile temper came tumbling down around me when Vermonte "accidentally" spilled a full cup of wine over my tunic. I could only stare down at the stained fabric, my body frozen with indecision. His laughter sent me over the edge. His mocking, snide laughter, and his comment to Daelyn that "'tis a wonder the oaf can walk upright without tripping himself."

  I punched him in the face. The crunch of his nose was satisfying, the blood on my fist even more. The look of surprise on his face was the most priceless of all.

  He was on me before I even had time to jump off the dais. Vermonte grabbed my braid and yanked me forward. I stopped my movement with a solidly placed leg, one of the positions of the Art Lir had taught me so well. I kept my head low, then twisted my body to end up on Vermonte's other side, where I punched him again even though he still held fast my hair.

  "Enough!"

  I heard Daelyn's cry, but for the first time since entering his service, I ignored him. I punched Vermonte again. The entire room had stopped to watch us, but I didn't care. I didn't care that I was breaking every rule of fair fighting, or that my prince was screaming in my ear to lay off his lordling. I didn't even care that Vermonte had ripped the sleeve off my tunic, or that he'd torn out a clump of my hair from the roots.

  I only cared about beating him.

  It was Lir who pulled me off Vermonte, and Lir who twisted my arm up behind my back and marched me out of the room and into the corridor. I slumped against the wall, breathing hard, still furious, while he went back inside and slammed the double doors in my face to shut me out.

  After a moment, he returned. "Are you insane?"

  "He insulted me." Blood clogged my mouth and choked me.

  "You insulted yourself with that behavior. What did I tell you about the Art?"

  "You also told me I could beat him."

  Lir shook his head and handed me a handkerchief to wipe my mouth. "I didn't mean for you to do it in the middle of Dae's court. He's livid."

  "I don't care." I spat the lie. "He can dismiss me if he likes. He doesn't care for me, anyway."

  I looked up to see a look of such naked distress in Lir's eyes, I stopped. "Lir?"

  He swallowed and swiped his lips with his tongue. His tone was light, but it sounded forced. "He cares for you. I'm sure he does. And you..."

  "I love him," I muttered miserably. "Just like you do, but at least you have his respect and love in return."

  "Love him. Yes." Lir cleared his throat and looked back toward the heavy doors. "As for respect...listen, Aeris. Dae..."

  "You don't have to make apologies for him." I wiped my face. "I think I know him well enough by now."

  Again, he gave me a stricken look I couldn't fathom. "You don't know him as well as you think. He's livid with Vermonte for taunting you. He's sent Vermonte out, called him a useless popinjay. They've just had a huge, screaming row. All because of you."

  "Really?"

  "Really." He held up his hand when I made to go back into the room. "But I wouldn't go in just yet. You've caused a lot of trouble. Dae is angry with Vermonte, but I'd wager he's more than a bit pissed with you, too. I'd make myself scarce for a while, if I were you."

  I searched his face for any sign he mocked or teased me, but could find none. "Thank you."

  Lir nodded and bit at his lower lip for a moment. "Vermonte is an ass."

  "I know that."

  "And Dae...Dae doesn't appreciate anything he has. Don't let him upset you so much."