Seeking Eden Read online

  “I’m all right,” she told him.

  “What can I do,” he asked, “to help you?”

  The question surprised her and warmed her heart. “You’ve done it, Toby. Just by being with me. That’s all.”

  He frowned. “It doesn’t feel like enough.”

  She took his hands and looked into his eyes. “I know you want to fix things for me, honey, but you can’t. There are no magic words to say, and you can’t get out a hammer and pound it straight. You can’t fix me.”

  “I don’t know what to do,” he said gruffly. “I’m not good at this.”

  He was better at it than he realized. “Nothing will make this go away but time.”

  Grudgingly, he nodded. “Okay.”

  She sighed and hugged him, then sat back against the pillows. “Do you think we could go downstairs and get something to eat? I’m starving.”

  “Do you think you should get out of bed?” He looked alarmed.

  Elanna thought longingly of sinking back into the soft pillows and pulling the blanket over her head. The idea was tempting, but she knew she had to move. It was useless to linger, letting herself dwell on what she couldn’t change.

  “You’re too protective,” she teased, just to watch his expression.

  “Am I?”

  “No,” she said softly, and touched his cheek. “I like it. I’m just not used to it.”

  “Doesn’t this get any easier?”

  Elanna laughed. “I don’t know, honey.”

  He grinned. “I like when you call me that.”

  “Honey,” she said again. “Help me out of this bed.”

  She hadn’t realized that they were on the second floor until he led her out into the hallway. Three closed doors faced them, ringed around a narrow landing. A steep flight of stairs greeted her as she stepped out of the room, and just looking down them made her feel wobbly. She took his arm to steady herself.

  “Why don’t you get back into bed?”

  “Why don’t you let me get some food?” She retorted. She blinked and the world swam back into focus. “I’ll be fine then. Come on.”

  With a long-suffering sigh that made her want to laugh, Tobin moved in front of her. “Let me walk in front in case you fall.”

  The stairs were narrow and uneven, posing even more of a walking hazard. The handrail, though, was mounted firmly to the wall. With each step, she felt better.

  They came out into a sparsely furnished but spotless kitchen. The main piece of furniture was a long table and two long benches. Faded vinyl covered the floor. A massive stove, radiating a delicious, bread-scented heat, dominated one wall of the room. A small sink, complete with pump and bucket, was along one wall.

  Elanna didn’t know the name of the woman bent over the large stove in front of them, but she recognized her as one of those who’d held her hand during the miscarriage. As they entered the room, the woman stood, her cheeks pink from the heat and her eyes sparkling. Her hair, more gray than blonde, was tucked up beneath a white cap made of netting.

  “Rachel Stolzfus,” Tobin said by way of introduction. “Enoch’s wife. This is their house.”

  “My goodness!” Rachel cried, wiping her hands on the white apron that covered her dark dress. “Out of bed? Sit, sit!”

  Elanna did as ordered, sinking gratefully into one of the wooden benches. Her legs still felt a little wobbly. The woman bustled about the kitchen, opening drawers and stirring a pot on the stove.

  “Fress, fress.” She plopped a full bowl of soup on the table and followed it quickly with another for Tobin. “Sit down and eat yourself, vunst. Careful, the soup is burny.”

  Elanna didn’t need to be told twice. Her stomach grumbled so loudly it was almost embarrassing. She spooned some soup into her mouth and almost groaned at how good it was. The clear yellow broth brimmed with thick, soft noodles and chunks of meat. It didn’t taste like pigeon, but it was good. Small yellow bits floated in the broth too, popping between her teeth as she chewed.

  “Chicken corn noodle soup makes a body nice and full,” the woman said. She whirled to look at Amos, who stood fidgeting in the doorway. “Stop your rutching and go outside!”

  The small boy fled, his mother looking fondly after him. She shook her head, chuckling softly, and wiped her hands on a cloth. “Ach, don’t eat yourself full, already! There’s cake back yet.”

  She poured some white fluid into Elanna’s glass from a tall pitcher. “Drink!”

  Elanna took a sip and nearly choked. “It’s milk!”

  “Ja, of course it millich is,” said Rachel. Now she looked at Elanna with concern. “Iss der millich sauer?”

  Is the milk sour? The words weren’t quite the ones she was used to, but she understood. “No,” Elanna stammered. “It’s not sour. It’s…it’s milk. And it’s cold.”

  Rachel laughed. “From the icehouse I brought it. Milk should be cold, ain’t?”

  The only time Elanna had ever had anything cold was in the wintertime. And milk….

  “Who’s milk is it?” She asked warily, putting the glass down.

  Rachel frowned. “Whose milk? Well, whoever wants to drink it, I suppose.”

  “I mean, where did it come from?” Elanna asked.

  “Bessie,” Rachel said. She put one plump hand on Elanna’s forehead. “Bischt du aarem?”

  Are you poor? “No, I’m fine,” Elanna said. “I just don’t want any milk, thank you.”

  “Ach, and after I to the icehouse went for you?” Rachel scolded kindly. “Drink up. Healthy.”

  Elanna thought of holding her baby in her arms, its mouth to her breast. Though nursing her babies had always been a joy, the thought of actually drinking milk herself made her shiver in distaste. “Maybe for the baby it’s healthy, but not for me. No, thanks.”

  Rachel looked at her, clearly puzzled. Then she began to laugh. Her plump cheeks grew rosier as she chuckled, then patted Elanna on the arm.

  “From the cow! Not from a mother!”

  Elanna’s blank look made Rachel stop laughing. She looked curiously at Elanna. “Cows you don’t know?”

  Even Tobin was laughing at her, but she could hardly be angry. Of course she’d heard of cows. But she’d never seen one.

  “I’ve never had cow’s milk, either,” Tobin said. “Only from a goat.”

  Rachel smiled and poured him a glass, too. “Bessie, she good milk gives. Better than a goat. Drink!”

  Elanna tried another sip, letting the flavor rest on her tongue before swallowing. Maybe it was because it was cold, or maybe just because it came from a cow and not her own body, but it didn’t taste so bad. It didn’t have the sweet undertone she’d tasted on her babies kisses, but it was good.

  “The only milk I’ve ever tasted was what my babies gave back to me,” Elanna said with a smile. “And I don’t recommend baby burp as a delicacy.”

  Rachel paused in her pouring and serving, looking confused. “Babies?”

  “Yes,” Elanna replied, thinking the woman hadn’t heard her.

  Rachel looked at Tobin and then at her, a question clear in her eyes. “You other kinder have?”

  “I have had other babies, yes,” Elanna explained. She took another bite of the delicious broth. “Tobin has never had any.”

  “He’s not your husband?”

  “No,” Elanna said with a glance at Tobin. “I’m not allowed…I’ve never been married.”

  “Gott in Himmel,” the woman murmured. “How many kinder?”

  “Thirteen,” Elanna said quietly. “Eleven lived.”

  “And no husband?”

  “No,” Elanna said, lifting her chin. The soup she’d eaten settled in her stomach like a stone. She glanced at Tobin, who had the good grace to look down. “I am a hopemother. We aren’t allowed to marry.”

  “Hopemother?” Rachel asked. “Not allowed to marry? I’m all discumbumperated.”

  Elanna stirred the soup to occupy her hands, which she wanted to clench. “Where I co