Seeking Eden Read online

  She paused just in front of the door. Job caught up to her finally, his handsome mouth pulled into a frown she didn’t need a lantern to see. He pushed her up against one of the columns, and she let herself be pushed.

  “What?”

  He tried to kiss her, and she turned her face away. “You know what.”

  “Stop it.”

  Incredibly, he sidled closer to her again, reaching for her hand. The smile she’d always found so charming left her cold this time. When he tried again to kiss her, she ducked away from him.

  “It’s not allowed, Job.”

  “You didn’t mind before.”

  She’d been stupid before, and a lot had changed since then. “I care now.”

  “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

  He thought he was flirting, but his casual assumption she’d throw away everything she was for the sake of a three-minute schtup in the shadows turned her stomach. Especially since she’d proven him right in the past. She’d let that handsome face, those sweet words, turn her head, even though she knew it was wrong. More than wrong. Forbidden.

  “Get away from me.” Even though her voice was low and dangerous, it echoed in the empty lobby until it sounded like a dozen screams. “Don’t you ever say such a thing to me again, or I’ll go straight to the Beit Din.”

  This seemed to catch his attention, at least. “You won’t. You wouldn’t dare. You’d be in as much trouble as me. More, maybe.”

  “Get off me!”

  Only by bursting out into the sunlight at last did Elanna fight away the tears threatening in her eyes. She scrubbed her face hard, willing even that last bit of pain away. She’d made a mistake, one she wouldn’t repeat. Job wasn’t worth it.

  “Elanna?”

  “Reb Ephraim.” Elanna cursed the scene in the lobby that had forced her to reach the street five minutes later instead of earlier. Perhaps she might’ve missed the Reb entirely.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “Nothing.” Elanna wondered if her hair was in disarray, or her clothes. If he’d see the smear of her mouth where Job had tried to kiss her. There was no way to check discreetly, so instead she shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot.

  “I thought I heard shouting.” Reb Ephraim stroked his beard thoughtfully.

  “I was laughing,” Elanna lied. “With Job. In the lobby. It echoed, that’s all.”

  “I see,” Reb Ephraim said with another tug at his beard. “I will see you tonight, then, Elanna.”

  She had three other appointments tonight. She’d have to reschedule all of them. “Yes. All right.”

  She could deal with another night with Reb Ephraim, closing her eyes while he thrust and grunted above her, his face the color of an autumn sunset only not nearly as pretty. Then later, the trinket or the sweet wrapped in crumpled paper he’d take from his pocket and dole out to her like he was doing her a favor.

  Watching him walk away, she allowed herself to close her eyes for one moment, hugging herself in the thin spring sunlight. A baby. She thought of a tender, downy head, and a baby’s sweet scent. The weight of child in her arms. A mouth, suckling. Her nipples peaked at the memory, hot fluid leaking out to stain her shirt.

  Reb Ephraim wouldn’t make an appointment with her if he knew she’d already caught. But then she’d have to explain why she hadn’t registered the pregnancy. Why she couldn’t pick out the father from her precisely kept and monitored list of appointments.

  She’d have to admit to everyone what she’d allowed to happen.

  “Elanna!”

  What now? It seemed that she spent all day and most of her nights hearing her name called. Everyone knew her, but did that mean everyone had the right to her time?

  Instead of replying to the short girl who’d accosted her, Elanna only waved and smiled. It wasn’t enough. Chedva plowed toward her, sturdy legs moving her along the dirty pavement with the alacrity and power of one of the Gatherers’ trucks.

  “Chedva.” Elanna knew her lack of enthusiasm sounded in her voice, but she was powerless to stop it. The good mood she’d had from spending the day in the gardens had evaporated from the triple onslaught of Job, Reb Ephraim and now, and probably most horribly, Chedva. “What do you want?”

  Part of Chedva’s charm, or rather lack of it, was her complete inability to notice when people didn’t want to be bothered. Clearly expecting Elanna to stop to talk to her, the other girl frowned when she saw she’d have to keep moving, too. She fell into step beside Elanna with a conscious effort that made Elanna grit her teeth.

  “I just wondered how many appointments you had tonight, that’s all,” Chedva said.

  “Three.” Elanna spoke before remembering Reb Ephraim had booked with her. She didn’t say anything about that. She could tell Chedva wanted desperately to ask who the appointments were with, but Elanna didn’t say anything about that, either.

  “Oh.”

  “You?” Elanna asked, though she didn’t really care or want to know. She concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. The pavement here wasn’t as cracked and eroded as in other parts of the city, but it still made sense to watch where she was going if she didn’t want to end up falling on her face.

  “Oh, just one. But it’s with Mered. And I’m right in the middle of my cycle, too. So this time I’m sure I’ll catch.”

  Elanna tried a smile. “I’m sure you will.”

  Chedva, so far, had only caught four times since starting her flow four years before. None of the pregnancies had lasted longer than a few months. Elanna had begun her cycles at age eleven. In the past seventeen years, she’d caught nineteen times. She’d born thirteen children, and eleven had lived. Eleven babies to help the Tribe grow and survive. Suddenly, her irritation with Chedva made her feel awful.

  “Mered’s very generous,” Chedva chattered on as she followed Elanna toward the doors to the Main Hall. “He gives all sorts of neat things. Sometimes clothes and stuff, but mostly candy. I love candy!”

  Elanna glanced over at the younger girl, whose round body showed just how much she loved candy. “I’d rather have an extra hour in a hot bath, myself. Or an extra hour of light at night.”

  Despite the interruptions, Elanna had managed finally to walk the two blocks to the Main Hall. She hated living there, though it was considered by many to be a privilege. She’d have preferred one of the small apartments like those in the buildings surrounding the Hall, or one of the ones located just below the rooftop gardens, high above the city so she could look out her window and see something beyond the buildings next door. Sure, the apartments were dank, dark, without the amenities the Main Hall had, like the bath center. But they were private.

  Chedva laughed uncertainly. “But you can have a hot bath or an extra hour at night if you want it, Elanna. You can have anything you want.”

  Elanna stared at the huge front doors of the Main Hall. Once, when the Hall had been New York’s most famous department store, the doors had been made of glass, huge panes of it. Time and the riots had destroyed them. Now the frames were filled with scraps of metal and wood, fabric and plastic, all bound together. It seemed to her that the patchwork effect, created by the Tribe working together, was more useful and beautiful than any simple glass could have been.

  She looked at the shorter girl again. “So could you.”

  Chedva had the grace to flush. “No I couldn’t. I’m not like you.”

  “Like me?” Elanna said rather cruelly, unable to help herself. “You do the same thing I do.”

  “It’s not the same,” Chedva said.

  “No,” Elanna replied, thinking of the babies she’d carried and given away. “I don’t suppose it is.”

  The other girl kept looking at her with a vapid grin, blinking steadily until Elanna wanted to scream. Instead, she forced a smile. It wasn’t Chedva’s fault she was a pain in the behind.

  “Good luck tonight,” Elanna said kindly.

  “It must be nice,” Chedva said wist