Wicked Attraction Read online

  Ewan crawled up the bed, his erection hot against her skin as he settled between her legs. He kissed her, hard and long. One hand pressed between them, his thumb finding her clit, then sliding lower to delve inside her slickness. He let out a small, surprised cry, probably at how wet she already was.

  Nina shifted, urging him to fill her. He did, but hesitantly, until she gripped his shoulders and hooked her heels over the backs of his thighs. Then he pushed inside her with a long, stuttering groan, and buried his face against the side of her neck. She dug her fingernails into his back and turned her face to whisper into his ear.

  “Hard,” she told him.

  He did. Hard, fast, brutal—and she loved it. Her orgasm rose, fierce and brightly shining, a shooting star. Nina came with a mouthful of Ewan’s flesh between her teeth. He joined her moments later with a gasp. She soothed the pain with her tongue, then kissed the spots she’d bitten.

  They were quiet, after that. He nuzzled against her, his weight a welcome warmth in the sudden shift of breeze coming in off the water. Nina knew she ought to move him before they both fell asleep, but the comfort of their tangled limbs and the aftermath of her climax left her unmotivated to do more than stroke her fingertips down his back, over and over again.

  * * *

  Ewan hadn’t meant to fall asleep, so when he woke with a startled twitch, he rolled at once onto his side to sweep the bed next to him for Nina. She wasn’t there, although the shape of her silhouette in the window was a welcome sign she hadn’t disappeared. Ewan sat, watching her silently, drinking in her beauty.

  After a half a minute, he got out of bed, naked, and went to her. “You’re cold.”

  “My skin is cold. I’m not,” she corrected, but let him pull her back against his chest.

  His arms went around her. He laid his cheek next to hers and looked out to the water. Dark in the night, lit here and there by spatters of moonlight on the still surface, the lake rippled. The scent of it wafted to them on a gust of breeze that pushed at the window’s gauzy curtains.

  “You’re shivering,” Ewan said.

  Nina drew in a breath. She began to speak, but her voice broke. Alarmed, Ewan turned her.

  “Nina, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

  “I love you,” she told him.

  Ewan swiped his thumbs beneath her eyes to catch the tears streaking down her cheeks. He hadn’t grown used to Nina’s emotional turmoil, but he had come to better expect it. “You’re crying because you love me?”

  He meant it lightly, as a way to tease her into smiling. Nina didn’t smile or laugh. Instead, she crumpled against him, clutching. Shaking. Her fingers dug into his skin, hurting. Scared, Ewan scooped her into his arms and cradled her in his lap on the window seat.

  He wasn’t sure how to soothe her. He’d been accused of being incapable of emotional connection by enough lovers that he believed it was true. He loved Nina, and he’d never loved any of those others, but even so, he was used to her strength. Her weakness ripped at him, not because he didn’t respect her for showing it, but because it left him feeling totally inadequate and incapable of taking care of her.

  “Talk to me. Please,” he urged. “Is it the tech? Are you in pain?”

  Ewan was already calculating how long it would take a med team to get out here, and cursing himself for being so stupid as to take her so far away from anything, especially when he knew Nina was having glitches with physical reactions. She’d buried her face against his chest, so he couldn’t see her face, but he could feel her hitching breaths and the heat of her tears on his skin.

  Without warning, Nina boiled out of his grasp with a slap of her fists against his chest and arms. He was more shocked by the fact she’d hit him than by any pain the blows had caused. Ewan cried out, holding up his hands in defense, his mind working with images of all the damage Nina was capable of doing to him.

  She wouldn’t, Ewan told himself as Nina gave a low, agonized cry and kicked over an ottoman hard enough to send it flying across the room. She wouldn’t hurt him, not like that. When she whirled on him, he braced himself.

  Instead of rushing him, Nina dropped to her knees with an agonized sob. She clutched at her head, then curled on her side. Her teeth chattered.

  Ewan was at her side in a minute, gathering her to him. He rocked her as best he could. She shuddered as though she were freezing, but her skin was as warm as always. He pressed his face to her hair, closing his eyes, wishing desperately he could fix this.

  Although it felt like forever before she calmed, it could only have been another minute or so. Then it was quiet all at once. She went still. Her breathing slowed. She eased herself from his grasp and sat on the floor, still touching him with her knees but with her hands linked in her lap.

  She looked harrowed.

  Ewan’s heart hurt at the sight of her pain. “What’s happening, baby? Do you need a doc?”

  “No.” Nina shook her head slowly. She unlinked her fingers and swiped at her face with a long, deep sigh.

  Her eyes hadn’t gone threaded with blood, so that gave him some relief. Ewan reached for her hands, and she allowed him to take them. He kissed the knuckles.

  “I’m afraid it’s not real,” Nina said.

  Ewan didn’t know what she meant. “We’ll get you a doc. Tests. We’ll figure this out.”

  Nina yanked her hands from his grip and stood over him. Her features twisted. She shook her head again. “You’re not listening to me.”

  “I am,” he said, unsure of what else to say, only knowing he was failing her.

  “I don’t know if this is real.” She waved a hand at him, then around the room, then pointed at herself. “You. Me. This. Us.”

  Ewan stood, too, but kept his distance from her. “I don’t understand. Talk to me.”

  Nina sighed and ran a hand over her hair, pushing it from her face. With another set of irritated gestures, she twisted it into a knot at the base of her neck and tied it. “When I met you, I hadn’t been able to feel anything for years. No deep emotions, I mean. Nothing, just blank.”

  “I know,” he said.

  More tears welled in her eyes, although this time they didn’t spill out. “Then, suddenly, I could.”

  “If I say I hope it’s because you fell in love with me, is that the wrong reply?” Ewan held out his hands, feeling helpless.

  “Yes.”

  He frowned. “Sorry.”

  They faced each other without speaking for another few seconds before she turned and stalked to the bed, where she tossed herself into the nest of pillows and blankets with another of those heartrending sighs. After a hesitation, Ewan followed. She didn’t protest when he fits himself behind her, one hand flat on her belly just below her breasts.

  “What if I love you because of something else,” Nina muttered at last without turning toward him. “What if whatever triggered this sudden ignition of my emotions is tricking me? Because I feel everything now, Ewan. So hard. Too hard. What if I love you because I’m convinced this joy I feel with you is real, but it’s really artificial?”

  A hundred replies came to his lips, but he bit them quickly back. He nuzzled the back of her neck instead. Their breathing synced. He thought perhaps she might have fallen asleep, until she spoke, again in the same low, dejected voice.

  “It’s like I can’t trust myself,” she said.

  Ewan kissed her shoulder. “Can you trust me?”

  The instant he asked the question, he wished he hadn’t. Of course Nina couldn’t trust him. He’d lied to her for months before she’d found out the truth about his involvement with the original tech. He was lying to her now, if only by omission, and while he had his reasons, he knew that wouldn’t matter if she found out.

  Nina twisted to face him. She slid a leg between his. Her hand cupped his face. Her gaze was hard, her expression serious.

  “How do I know,” she asked him, “if it’s real?”

  Ewan kissed her. “How does anyone eve