Clean Break Read online

  It was a success at first, because his prices were very low and if kids came along and looked wistful he’d often bung them free fairy bubbles or pixie toffees. He even hired himself out to do themed fairy parties on Saturdays. All the little girls loved him. The mums loved him too. But whenever Dad had an acting job he shut the stall up, and even when he wasn’t working he couldn’t always be bothered to trail down to the Palace and sit inside his Fairyland. He started to lose customers, so Mum would attach a little card to his white security railings: IF YOU FANCY ANY OF THE FAIRIES, PLEASE APPLY TO JULIE AT THE RAINBOW HAIRDRESSING SALON ON THE THIRD FLOOR.

  Mum went into work five days a week, sometimes six when they were short-staffed, and she worked right through till ten on Thursdays, when it was late-night shopping. She really did dye people’s hair all colours of the rainbow. Vita and I begged her to dye our hair shocking pink or deep purple or bright blue but she just laughed at us.

  She went back to work on 2nd January. I stayed at home with Vita and Maxie and Gran. I got out my brand-new journal and sat staring at the first blank page. After ten minutes I wrote: Saw Dad. I waited, sucking the end of my pen. Then I closed the journal with a snap. I didn’t feel like writing any more.

  It was a long long long day. I couldn’t wait for Mum to come home. She was later than usual. I started to get excited. Maybe that meant Mum and Dad were having a drink together, talking things over. Maybe right this minute Dad was telling Mum he had made a terrible mistake. Then he’d kiss her the way he’d kissed Sarah. They’d come home together, arms wrapped round each other, our mum and dad.

  I went running to the front door as soon as I heard the key in the lock. Mum was standing there all by herself. Her face was grey with the cold and there were snail-trails of mascara down her cheeks.

  ‘It’s the wind making my eyes water,’ she said, wiping them.

  ‘Did you see Dad?’ I asked softly, not wanting Gran to hear.

  Mum shook her head. She closed her eyes but the tears still seeped out under her lids. I put my arms round her.

  ‘He’ll go to the Palace tomorrow,’ I said.

  He didn’t. He didn’t go there the next day or the day after that. He didn’t ever have his mobile phone switched on. There was no way we could get hold of him.

  ‘I need his address. Suppose there’s some terrible emergency?’ said Mum. ‘Can’t you remember where this Sarah lived, Em? What was the name of the road?’

  I thought hard but it was no use. I’d been in such a state of despair and embarrassment I hadn’t taken any of it in. I couldn’t even remember which station we’d got out at, though Mum made me stare at a tube map to try to jog my memory. I stared until all the coloured lines wavered and blurred. None of the names meant anything to me.

  ‘For God’s sake, Em, how could you be so useless?’ Mum snapped.

  I went off by myself and had a private weep in the toilet. I felt useless. I twirled my emerald ring round and round my finger, wishing it was magic so I could conjure Dad from thin air.

  I couldn’t understand how I’d been so mad with Dad on New Year’s Day. Why hadn’t I given him a goodbye kiss? I’d have given anything to kiss him now.

  I knew Vita felt the same way. She was unusually quiet during the day, sitting curled up with Dancer. She went to bed without a fuss and seemed to go to sleep straight away but when I woke in the night I heard someone sobbing. I thought it was Maxie and stumbled out of bed to his little lair. He was huddled up with his bears, breathing heavily, fast asleep. The sobbing seemed to be coming from my own bed.

  ‘Vita?’ I whispered. ‘Are you crying?’

  She was howling, her head under her pillow. She was wearing Dancer like a big furry glove.

  ‘Hey, come out, you’ll suffocate.’

  Vita turned away from me, hands over her face, embarrassed.

  ‘It’s OK, Vita. Here, have you got any tissues?’

  ‘I’ve used them all up,’ Vita gulped.

  ‘Hang on, I’ll go and get you some loo-roll.’

  I slipped out of bed again, pulled off a long pink streamer of Andrex and tiptoed back to our bedroom.

  ‘Is that you, Em? Are you all right?’ Mum called from her bedroom.

  ‘Yeah, Mum, I’m fine,’ I whispered, not wanting to worry her. It sounded like Mum might have been crying too.

  I got back into bed with Vita and tried to mop her face for her.

  ‘Get off! I’ll do it,’ she said fiercely.

  When she’d finished wiping and blowing and snuffling I tried putting my arms round her. She didn’t wriggle away.

  ‘Poor Dancer, you’ve made her all wet,’ I said, feeling her. ‘Have you stopped crying now?’

  ‘I’m trying to. But I just keep thinking about Dad and how I wouldn’t listen to him and now he’s so mad at me he won’t come and see me—’

  ‘Rubbish! Dad never gets mad at anyone, especially you, Vita. You know you’re his favourite.’

  ‘I’m not!’ said Vita, but she sounded hopeful.

  ‘You’re everyone’s favourite,’ I said, sighing.

  Vita gave a small pleased snort.

  ‘Blow your nose again,’ I said, giving her another wad of loo-roll.

  She tried to blow her nose with her Dancer hand.

  ‘There now, Princess Vita,’ I made Dancer say. ‘We all come over a little weepy at times. Let me wipe your little nose for you. There now. Shall I tell you a secret?’

  ‘What?’ said Vita.

  ‘You’re my favourite too. You’re much prettier than boring fat old Em and you’re not a silly little sausage like Maxie.’

  Vita giggled. ‘Yes, he is a silly little sausage,’ she said. She paused. ‘Em’s a bit pretty. She’s got lovely hair.’

  ‘She’s got a lovely nature too, putting up with a sister like you,’ I said.

  ‘When Dad comes next time I’m going to be much much nicer to him,’ said Vita, snuffling. ‘So long as he doesn’t bring that Sarah!’

  ‘She’s horrible,’ I agreed. ‘Dad’s gone mad, liking her better than Mum.’

  ‘When I’m married I’m not going to let my husband run off,’ said Vita.

  ‘I’m not going to get married at all,’ I said. ‘It’s too easy to pick the wrong person. I’m going to live all by myself and I’m going to eat all my favourite things every day and stay up as late as I like, and I shall read all day and write stories and draw pictures with no one bothering me or fussing or needing to be looked after.’

  ‘Won’t you be lonely?’ said Vita.

  ‘I shall have a friendly dog and a little cat to curl up on my lap. My sister Vita will come visiting riding on Dancer the Reindeer with her good kind obedient husband and six pretty little girls, and my brother Maxie will come visiting with his big bold wife and his six silly little sausage boys and so I will have more than enough company, thank you.’

  ‘Will Mum come visiting too?’

  ‘Yes, of course. I’ll take her on holiday and make her happy.’

  ‘And Dad?’

  ‘He’ll come too,’ I said. ‘He’ll have made this fantastic Hollywood movie and be ever so rich and famous so he’ll have his own special holiday beach house. We’ll all go and stay, and swim and laze on the beach and be happy happy happy.’

  ‘Happy happy happy,’ Vita murmured. Then she was still, suddenly asleep.

  I lay awake for a long time, trying to tell stories to myself. I could make them seem real enough to comfort Vita, but it was much harder trying to convince myself. I eased Dancer off Vita’s hand and made her stroke my head with her furry paws.

  ‘Cheer up, dear old Em,’ Dancer said. ‘Don’t you start crying now. Chin up, big smile, that’s my girl. Now, close your eyes and snuggle down and go fast asleep. Fast asleep. Fast fast asleep.’

  I didn’t manage to go fast asleep. It was a very slow process, and even then I still woke up very early. I decided to fix myself a bowl of cornflakes and have a private early breakfast with my