Clean Break Read online

  10

  ‘YOU DIDN’T SEE him, did you?’ Gran said, when we got home.

  ‘We didn’t see my dad, but we saw Em’s!’ said Vita.

  Gran thought she was making it up at first. Then she got furious with Mum.

  ‘You mean you didn’t pin him down about making maintenance payments for Em? For pity’s sake, Julie, what are you like? There was a golden opportunity. Why do you let all these awful guys in your life walk all over you? Why won’t you try to screw them for everything you can get? I know that pig doesn’t give a damn about his own daughter, but he’s her father and he should pay for her.’

  ‘Stop getting at Mum, Gran,’ I said. ‘My dad does give a damn, he wanted to take me out, so there! But I don’t want to so I don’t have to, do I, Mum?’

  ‘That’s right, darling,’ said Mum.

  ‘Oh yes, that’s right, you all do what you want. What about me? When can I do what I want?’ said Gran. ‘I’ve worked hard all my life. I’ve managed on my own. I’ve brought you up single-handed, Julie. Just when I’ve got to the time of life when I thought I could ease off, have a bit of fun, take a holiday like anyone else, I’m landed with you and your three kids and I’m the muggins paying all the bills.’

  ‘I’m trying to pay my way, Mum, you know I am. Once I get the credit cards paid off I’ll be able to pay a lot more,’ my mum said, her face crumpling.

  ‘Look what you’ve done, Gran, you’ve made her cry,’ I said furiously.

  ‘Oh, it’s easy to give up and burst into tears. Did you see me crying when that con-man Frankie stole my savings?’

  ‘He didn’t steal them, Mum, he just borrowed them,’ Mum sobbed.

  ‘Oh yes, and he’ll pay it back? And pay off all your debts too?’ Gran glared at Vita and Maxie and me. ‘You kids think your dad’s such a lovely guy for giving you all these ridiculous treats and presents – and flipping emerald rings! He didn’t pay a penny for them. Your mum and I are the poor fools who’ve ended up forking out for the lot.’

  ‘Shut up, Gran! My dad is lovely,’ Vita yelled. ‘I looked and looked and looked for him at the Green Fair and it’s so mean, because Em got to see her dad and I want mine.’ She started shouting it over and over again, almost having a Maxie-type tantrum. He was crying too, just so he wouldn’t be overlooked.

  ‘There! I told you going to the stupid Green Fair was a silly idea. The kids have got all worked up and over-excited,’ said Gran.

  I wondered if she knew how much she twisted things round. Did she really think she was right all the time? Did she like making us all feel bad?

  I could hear Gran and Mum carrying on rowing all the time I was upstairs with Vita and Maxie. I put Dancer on my hand and told them a long story about the special Snowy White Fairs they have in Lapland. When I came downstairs at last I found Mum and Gran sitting on the sofa together. Mum was still crying but Gran had her arm round her.

  ‘Come here, Em,’ said Gran, holding out her other arm. ‘Come and have a cuddle.’

  ‘No thanks,’ I said, sitting on the spare chair instead. I flipped through Gran’s Hello! magazine as if I couldn’t care less.

  ‘Ooh, look at Little Miss Sulky,’ said Gran.

  I did my best to ignore her. I stared hard at Hello!, imagining living in a huge house with white sofas and gold chandeliers and televisions hanging on the walls like a painting. I pretended Dad was a truly famous movie star and Mum had her own chic chain of hairdressing salons and I was their thin-as-a-pin daughter, sitting at their feet and smiling sweetly at the camera.

  ‘What are you smirking at, Em?’ said Gran.

  My smile soured to a scowl. I still didn’t say a single word. I didn’t even say goodnight when I went up to bed.

  Mum waited until Vita and Maxie were asleep and then she crept in to see me. She eased Vita over to the other side of the bed and slipped under the covers with me.

  ‘Gran’s sorry, Em.’

  ‘She didn’t say so.’

  ‘No, well, she doesn’t ever say sorry, you know that. But she knows she went too far.’

  ‘I hate her,’ I said.

  ‘No you don’t.’

  ‘She hates me!’

  ‘Of course she doesn’t. She loves you. She loves all of us. That’s why she gets so worked up. She’s not really cross with us, she’s cross with your dad. Both your dads!’ Mum gave a little sniff. ‘It was so weird seeing your real dad again, Em. He seems so different now. Maybe he was just horrible with us. He looked like he was happy with that other woman and the little boys. I’m sure he doesn’t batter them.’

  Mum sniffed again. I felt her cheeks in the dark to see if she was crying.

  ‘Don’t be scared, Mum. If he comes round to batter us we’ll call the police, quick.’

  ‘I’m not worried about that, love. No, I’m just thinking, maybe there’s something about me that makes men go funny. Maybe I’m just a useless partner.’

  ‘You’re a brilliant partner, Mum. You didn’t make him horrid to us. He was just mean and he wanted to shout and scare us. He hit us,’ I said. ‘Mum, I wish he wasn’t my real dad.’

  ‘He wasn’t all bad, pet. Maybe you’d like him if you got to know him now.’

  I wanted to think he was totally bad. I didn’t want to like him. I loved my new dad – even though he’d gone off and left us.

  ‘I’m never ever living with any man,’ I said.

  ‘That’s silly, pet. You can’t say that just because things haven’t worked out for me.’

  ‘No one would have me anyway!’

  ‘Of course they would! You’re a lovely lovely girl.’

  ‘All the boys at school think I’m rubbish. They call me Fatso and The Blob and they all puff out their cheeks, imitating me.’

  ‘Oh darling, that’s horrible.’

  ‘It’s OK. I call them names back. But I am a Fatso Blob. I take after my real dad, don’t I?’

  ‘You’re not a bit like your dad. You’re a sweet kind gentle caring girl.’

  ‘I look like him. If I wore a black vest and jeans I’d be just like a little replica.’

  ‘You’re nothing like him,’ Mum lied. ‘You’re not like him, you’re not like me. You’re you, my lovely Em. I think it’s rot we’re all supposed to take after our parents. I certainly don’t want to be like Gran!’ Mum paused. ‘For pity’s sake, Julie,’ she said, in Gran’s thin whiny voice.

  We both burst out laughing. Vita woke up and sleepily complained that we were shaking the bed and would we please stop now, immediately.

  ‘I think Vita takes after Gran,’ I whispered to Mum. ‘She’s bossier than her already.’

  Gran nagged just as much the next morning, when we were all rushing off to school and work, but that evening she made us spaghetti bolognese, with strawberries and ice cream for pudding. She gave me an extra scoop of ice cream and let me scrape round the empty carton afterwards.

  ‘But it’s back on that diet tomorrow, Em, OK?’ Gran said.

  I did wonder about trying harder. I still mostly chose chips instead of salad at school dinners but I didn’t buy secret supplies of KitKats and Mars bars and Smarties with my pocket money now. I still wanted them desperately but I wanted to save all my treat money. I wanted to save up so I could pay Gran some of the money we owed. Then she’d maybe stop moaning.

  Mum was trying hard too, taking on as much extra work as she could. The Pink Palace didn’t open till midday now because they got so few morning customers. Mum made herself some ‘Good Fairy’ cards using stationery from leftover Fairyland stock, saying she was willing to fly round to clients’ houses and cut and blow-dry their hair between nine and twelve. She started to get booked up most mornings, and she had a special regular job on Wednesdays at an old people’s day centre, snipping her way through silvery locks, one old lady after another at a special £5 rate.

  ‘I have to cram as many in as possible, doing them for that rate,’ said Mum. ‘It’s a bit like sheep-shearing. I’ll