My Mum Tracy Beaker Read online

  ‘It’s better than a bridesmaid’s costume,’ I said.

  ‘What?’ She looked at me as if I was mad. ‘I’d give anything to be a bridesmaid! Ava and I were supposed to be bridesmaids at my auntie’s wedding. It was in the winter so we had crimson velvet dresses, and they were the most beautiful dresses ever.’

  ‘So you’ve been a bridesmaid then?’

  ‘No, because on the wedding day I woke up with a funny tummy. I didn’t say anything, and I ate a big breakfast to keep me going till the wedding breakfast, which is actually a wedding lunch – isn’t that weird? Anyway, Mum had just got us ready at this hotel when I started to feel really bad, and then I was sick all down my bridesmaid’s dress. You can’t get stains out of red velvet. It smelled too much anyway. So I had to stay in the hotel room with Dad while Mum took Ava to the wedding, and she got to be the bridesmaid without me. Everyone said she looked beautiful. She had lots of fancy ice cream and banoffee pie and wedding cake at the reception too.’ Alice sighed. Then she remembered what had started her reminiscing. ‘So why on earth don’t you like bridesmaids’ costumes?’

  ‘My mum wants me to wear one at her wedding,’ I said, in such a tiny voice that Alice had to strain to hear me.

  ‘Your mum’s getting married?’ she said, puzzled. ‘What, you mean to your dad?’

  ‘No, she doesn’t like him much any more. She’s marrying this horrible man who owns a gym, Sean Godfrey.’

  ‘My mum goes to a gym,’ said Alice. ‘She wants a flat tummy. It looks flat enough to me.’

  ‘Alice, I just said my mum’s getting married! You might be a bit sympathetic,’ I said.

  ‘Don’t you like your new dad then?’

  ‘He won’t be my dad!’ I said furiously.

  ‘All right, don’t get so cross!’ said Alice. ‘I’d have thought you’d like someone to give you piggybacks and presents and take you to the pantomime like my dad does.’

  ‘I don’t want him to do that stuff,’ I said. ‘I think he’s horrible. And I think my mum’s horrible for getting together with him.’

  As soon as I said it I felt dizzy. I’d been cross with Mum heaps of times, but I’d never said she was horrible before.

  ‘Jess? Are you all right?’

  ‘I think I might be going to faint,’ I said. ‘I very nearly fainted at school because Tyrone had a nosebleed.’

  ‘You can’t faint if you’re already lying down,’ said Alice. ‘I don’t think so anyway. Jess, do you really think your mum’s horrible?’

  ‘Yes,’ I said, because Mum was spoiling everything.

  When Marina came home I heard Mum talking to her, obviously telling her about Sean Godfrey. Marina was exclaiming delightedly. Perhaps Mum was asking her to be the matron of honour at her wedding, with Ava and Alice as bridesmaids.

  ‘As if I care,’ I muttered.

  I was dreading going home because I was sure Mum would start going on about Sean Godfrey again, but she didn’t even mention him. She talked about Ava and Alice and The Pied Piper. She asked me if Miss Oliver was going to put on an end-of-year play. I said she certainly hadn’t mentioned it, so Mum said I should tell her it would be a good idea.

  ‘You can’t tell teachers stuff like that,’ I said.

  ‘I did when I was at school,’ said Mum. ‘And my teacher put on A Christmas Carol and I got to be Scrooge, the star part. I was a big success. I want you to star in something, Jess.’

  ‘I don’t want to be in a play!’

  ‘Don’t be daft, you’d be brilliant.’

  ‘No I wouldn’t. Why can’t you see I’m not a bit like you? I’m like me,’ I said fiercely.

  I stomped off to my room. I didn’t want to cosy up on the sofa with Mum. I wanted to be by myself.

  I sat up in bed reading, but it was a sad book about a Victorian girl who was desperate to find her real mother. I wasn’t in the right mood for it. I tried another of my favourites, about a girl whose dad was so scary she had to run away with her mum, but then her mum started to get ill. I didn’t feel like reading that one either. The words kept going blurry anyway.

  I lay down in the dark and clutched my toy dog, Woofer. He wasn’t very comforting. I whistled for Wolfie and Faithful and Pom-Pom and Snapchat, and they jumped up on the bed beside me, but they wouldn’t settle down. They had their ears pricked, listening for Mum.

  I heard her getting ready for bed. She paused outside my bedroom door. ‘Can I come in, Jess?’ she called.

  I stayed quiet.

  ‘Are you asleep?’

  I pressed my lips together.

  Mum waited. I waited too.

  ‘Night night,’ she said. ‘Love you.’

  I still didn’t say a word. I’d never, ever gone to sleep without saying goodnight.

  I couldn’t sleep. Mum couldn’t sleep either. I heard her getting up to make herself a cup of tea. I wondered about asking for one too because my throat felt dry and scratchy. Then I heard Mum murmuring and realized she was on the phone, even though it was quite late. I heard her say the word Sean.

  I imagined her telling him all about me. I burned all over. Well, I certainly didn’t want a cup of tea with her now.

  After a long while she pattered back to bed. I heard her punching her pillow, then tossing and turning. Then her bedsprings creaked and there were thumps on the floorboards. My door burst open. She came right over to my bed.

  ‘Jess?’ she whispered. ‘Are you awake?’

  She climbed into bed with me and cuddled me close. I tried very hard to stay stiff and still, but I couldn’t help snuggling up, and then I started crying.

  ‘Don’t, Jess! You’ll make me start crying too,’ said Mum.

  ‘You never, ever cry!’

  ‘I feel like it now,’ she said. ‘I’m very unhappy.’

  ‘Well, it’s your own fault.’

  ‘I know. It’s all gone wrong. I thought you’d be thrilled about Sean and me and living in a proper home and not having to worry about money any more. Cam said I was daft blurting it all out like that and it was no wonder you were in a huff,’ Mum wailed.

  ‘Cam?’

  ‘I phoned her about an hour ago because I was so worried,’ said Mum. ‘I forgot it was so late. I woke her up. She was a bit irritated at first. She said I was thoughtless. Do you think I am, Jess?’

  ‘Yes!’ I said, because I was still cross with her.

  ‘Do you really hate Sean?’

  ‘I don’t hate him, but I don’t like him much. And I can’t understand why you do. You didn’t at first. The first time you met him you said he looked like an idiot,’ I said.

  ‘I didn’t! Well, I suppose I might have done, but I changed my mind. You do that too. You thought Tyrone was a total muppet, and now you say you’re mates,’ said Mum.

  ‘Yes, but I’m not going to marry him and muck everything up.’

  ‘Look, Jess, nothing’s going to be mucked up, I promise. It’ll be better. We’ll be just like a normal family,’ said Mum. ‘It’s what I’ve always wanted for you.’

  ‘No, it’s what you’ve always wanted for you,’ I said. ‘It’s not what I want.’

  ‘So what do you want?’ Mum asked. She sat up and switched on my unicorn lamp. She looked at me seriously, and I blinked back at her in the sudden bright light. ‘You surely don’t want me to break it off with Sean?’

  Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes!

  But somehow I couldn’t say it out loud.

  SEAN GODFREY CAME to take Mum and me out for Sunday lunch. He was twenty minutes late.

  ‘Well, this is rubbish,’ said Mum. ‘What’s he playing at, eh?’

  ‘Don’t ask me,’ I said.

  Mum went to the window for the twentieth time and peered down down down to the parking bays far below. ‘Nope. Still no sign of him. How dare he mess us about like this! And he hasn’t even texted!’ She checked her phone yet again.

  ‘It’s a bit rude, isn’t it, Mum?’ I tried to look annoyed t