Little Darlings Read online

  ‘How dare you make your poor kid beg for you!’

  ‘Look at the state of her! It’s obvious she’s on drugs. She doesn’t deserve to have a child, using her like that. She should be taken away from her.’

  I clutch Mum. ‘No, it’s not like that! We’ve just not got enough money for the tube. Our train goes from Euston. Show them the tickets, Mum!’

  But the man in uniform is coming over to us, looking angry – they’re all angry now, and so Mum and I run for it, up the steps into the big wide street. We stand there panting and sobbing.

  ‘Oh, Mum!’ I say, hugging her.

  ‘It’s OK, it’s OK,’ Mum says, holding me tight. ‘I’m not going to let them take you away.’

  She sounds like Mum again and I lean against her.

  ‘So what are we going to do?’

  ‘Well, looks like we’ll have to walk it,’ says Mum. She glances down at our shoes. I’m in my trainers but she’s in her best white high heels. She’s already got sore red patches on both ankles. She wobbles on her heels for another couple of roads, but then she reaches down and takes them off. She’s got these nylon pop socks on, with her big toes already poking out. By the time we reach Euston Station at long, long last they are in tatters and Mum’s limping, but she doesn’t give a word of complaint.

  ‘Thank God,’ she says as we walk into the station.

  At least it’s familiar – but strange too. It’s nearly empty – just a few lads messing about down one end, an old drunk man mumbling to himself, and a boy and a girl sitting on the cold station forecourt, oblivious to everything.

  ‘Funny,’ says Mum. ‘Where is everyone?’

  I look up at the departure board. There’s nothing there, nothing at all until five forty-five in the morning.

  ‘Oh, Mum, there aren’t any more trains tonight,’ I say.

  ‘Don’t be daft, Destiny, there must be trains,’ says Mum, but then she sees the station clock.

  ‘Oh no. You’re right. We’ve missed it.’ She takes a deep breath. ‘We’ve missed everything.’

  I’m scared she’s going to start shouting and crying again. I hold onto her tightly. I can feel her trembling.

  ‘What sort of a mother am I?’ she mutters.

  ‘You’re a lovely mother, the best,’ I say fiercely.

  I’m looking all around but there’s nowhere comfy we can curl up. We end up sitting on two hard bench seats by the locked-up WHSmith stand.

  ‘We can’t stay here all night,’ says Mum, but we have to, we’ve no other option. We can’t find a little hotel because we’ve no cash and Mum doesn’t have proper credit cards any more because she used to find it too tempting to buy stuff, especially for our house. We got into debt, but we’re paying it off, and we’ve kept the house, so we’re doing fine. Apart from tonight.

  I wish we had proper coats with us – it’s so cold now. I nestle up as close as I can to Mum.

  ‘Put your head on my lap, babe,’ she says, so I do. She strokes my hair, gently running her fingers through my ponytail. ‘There now. Shut your eyes. We’re not in a manky old station. We’re tucked up in a lovely big bed with gorgeous fresh white sheets and it’s all dark and quiet, and in a little while you’re going to go fast asleep . . .’ Her voice is still hoarse from all the shouting but she’s my lovely mum again and I listen quietly, lulled. Then her voice falters and I realize she’s crying again.

  ‘Don’t, Mum. Go on, tell me more about the bed. You were making it so real.’

  She shakes her head, her lips pressed together. ‘That’s the trouble, Destiny. I make things up so real that I start believing in them too. That’s why we’re sitting here, babes. I made myself believe we wouldn’t be coming back tonight. Oh, I knew we’d have to come back some time – we wouldn’t want to leave our house – but I thought we’d stay with Danny for a bit.’ She sobs as she says his name. ‘I thought – oh, Destiny, I thought once he’d seen you and me, once he heard your name, he’d remember, he’d realize. It’s time you got to know your own dad, sweetheart. If anything happens to me, he’s all you’ve got and you’re his, quite definitely. You’ve only to look at you: you’ve got his eyes, his nose, his mouth, his chin, his wild dark hair. You a total Kilman, plain as plain. It’s not as if we want to take liberties. He’s still with Suzy and I approve of that, it’s good he’s faithful to her – though I can’t quite see the attraction.

  ‘Anyway, he’s got all her kids. He’s a real family man, you can tell. And we’re family too – well, you are, Destiny, and I thought he’d be desperate to get to know you better. I knew Suzy wouldn’t be thrilled, but I didn’t know why she would mind so much – after all, I knew Danny before she did, and she’s got him all the time now. I didn’t see how she could begrudge us a day or two for you to get to know your dad – and I thought how lovely it would be for you to make friends with Sunset, seeing as there’s less than a year between you.’

  ‘Mum! A girl like Sunset would never want to be friends with me!’

  ‘Yes, she would. I thought they’d ask us to stay overnight, and you could share Sunset’s bedroom. They must have any number of guest rooms where I could bunk down. And then in the morning we’d have one of those really relaxed late breakfasts – lovely fruit and yoghurt and real coffee – and we’d chat for hours and then maybe all have a walk in a London park somewhere and go to a pub, and Danny would ask you all about yourself, and he’d be so thrilled if he heard you sing.’

  ‘Mum! As if!’

  ‘Well, you’ve got a lovely singing voice. You clearly take after your dad – I can’t sing to save my life – and you’d tell him about school and how you’re always top of the class.’

  ‘I’m not always top. Raymond Wallis is heaps better than me at maths and science.’

  ‘I just wanted him to see he’s got another daughter to be proud of,’ Mum persists. ‘I didn’t think he’d ask us to stick around for ever, but I was sure he’d want our address, want to keep in touch, start sending you proper birthday presents – maybe even send you to a posh private school—’

  ‘I don’t want to go to some snobby private school.’

  ‘Yes, but you need to be educated properly. You’re so bright, not like me. I’m dead ignorant, I know that, but you’re my star and I want the best for you.’

  ‘I’ve got the best, Mum – I’ve got you,’ I say.

  ‘I’m a dreadful mum,’ says Mum. ‘Look at us now, stuck here all night. And look at the scene I made! I don’t know what happened, babe. I just lost my head. I couldn’t bear it when Danny didn’t spot us.’

  ‘He did see us, Mum. He just didn’t want anything to do with us.’

  ‘No, no, that’s not true. Well, he might have seen us—’

  ‘And heard us.’

  ‘Yes, all right, I know I was shouting – but he just didn’t recognize us, take in who we were. If only we’d been on our own with him, I could have introduced you all quiet and polite, and then I just know it would have worked.’ Mum pauses, winding my hair round her fingers. ‘I know! We’ll go to his house!’

  ‘Mum, stop it. We can’t do that. We don’t know where he lives anyway.’

  ‘Yes we do. He lives in Robin Hill – you’ve seen the pictures in Hi! Magazine. Remember I showed you their living room? They were all sitting on this big leather sofa when little Ace was just a newborn baby – and there was that lovely tender picture of Danny holding him in his arms. Oh, I’d have given anything for Danny to have held you like that! Well, that was their house in Robin Hill. It’s only about ten miles from London, I looked it up. We could go there now.’

  ‘Mum! Stop it! Look, this is crazy. We haven’t got any money. How can we go there? We can’t walk. Look at the state of your poor feet already.

  ‘We could . . . we could hitch a lift. I always used to do that when I was fifteen, sixteen, and needing to get to places.’

  ‘Mum, please.’ I cup my hands round her face, looking into her eyes. ‘Mum, you’re going