The Worst Thing About My Sister Read online

  I stared at her. Mum gave me a nudge.

  ‘Happy birthday, Alisha,’ I said, and handed her a present.

  I knew what it was: a great big tin of felt-tip pens with special fluorescent shades like stinging yellow and sharp lime green and hot orange. I’d have given anything for a set of felt tips like that. I could design any number of outfits for Mighty Mart and have her defeating a herd of yellow hyenas in a green jungle while the orange sun set behind. None of these possibilities occurred to Alisha. She tore off the silver wrapping paper, glanced at the tin, and then put it with a whole pile of presents on a table. She didn’t even bother to open it!

  ‘They’re special fluorescent felt tips,’ I said.

  ‘Thank you,’ said Alisha, turning away from me and starting on Katie’s present. It was a stationery set – a little notebook and pen and pencils. I knew for a fact that they were a giveaway on a girls’ comic, but Alisha went mad.

  ‘Oh, Katie! They’re so lovely! Oh, you’re so kind!’ she simpered. ‘They’re the best present ever!’

  I was about to stomp off into a corner but Miss Suzanne caught hold of me, marvelling at my dress. I was forced to stand there while she pinched my puff sleeves and held up my skirts, practically showing everyone my new knickers.

  ‘What a beautiful dress! I thought Alisha’s was exquisite, but this is even better!’ she whispered to Mum. ‘Did you go to this magic dressmaker Mrs Evans told me about?’

  Mum smiled. ‘I’m the magic dressmaker,’ she said. She gave me a little nod, as if to say, ‘See!’

  Miss Suzanne gushed for England while I stood there, agonized.

  ‘Mum, I really really don’t feel very well,’ I whimpered, tugging at her arm. ‘Can’t I just go home?’

  Miss Suzanne put her arm round me. ‘It’s all right, dear. Everyone feels a bit shy at parties at first.’ She smiled at Mum. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll look after her.’

  And she did, oh she did, relentlessly. I had to join in every single one of those old-fashioned party games like Musical Chairs and Blind Man’s Bluff. I was nearly last at Musical Chairs, but Ingrid pulled the chair away from me so that Katie got it first. They both poked me hard during Blind Man’s Bluff. I endured this, silent and proud, but Miss Suzanne intervened on my behalf.

  ‘Now, now, Ingrid, I think that’s cheating. Poor Martina!’ she said. And, ‘Oh, Katie, I saw that! Don’t poke, sweetheart, it hurts!’

  It made Katie and Ingrid hate me even more. They’re allowed to hate all they want. School was going to be a picnic on Monday. Not.

  Then we had special dancing games and these were even worse. For Musical Statues we had to pair up and polka round the room till the music stopped. I didn’t have any proper friends here so there was no one to be my partner. I wondered if I might be paired with Alisha because she didn’t have any proper friends either, but she danced with this awful smarmy-looking boy cousin wearing a proper suit with a white shirt and a polka-dot bow tie! He held her in a weird way and stuck his head to one side, and stepped out on tiptoe in his black patent shoes, just like they do in Strictly Come Dancing.

  I stood against the wall, grateful for small mercies, when I saw Miss Suzanne advancing towards me.

  ‘Come along, Martina! Come and dance with me!’ she said.

  ‘I can’t do this dance,’ I said quickly.

  ‘Of course you can, dear. It’s just step-step-step-hop. Anyone can do the polka.’

  Anyone but me. I stumbled all over the place as she whirled me round and round the hall at a terrifying pace.

  ‘You should see me dance the polka!’ she sang in my ear, with great emphasis.

  I could see me dancing the polka, because there were mirrors all round the hall. It wasn’t a pretty sight.

  ‘There, I think you’re getting the hang of it,’ Miss Suzanne said doubtfully.

  When she announced the next dance, something called the Gay Gordons, she seized some little sister in a Walt Disney Snow White dress and suggested I dance with her. Snow White was only about four and didn’t know the dance either, so we edged into a corner and twirled about doing our own thing.

  ‘You dance funny,’ she said.

  I didn’t think this was a compliment.

  Then we were led into the next room, which had trestle tables all pushed together and laid with an incredible birthday tea. When Melissa and I have birthday teas, there are pizza slices and crisps and carrot sticks and cheese-and-pineapple, and then chocolate birthday cake.

  This was a grand grown-up tea with tiny sandwiches without crusts, weeny smoked salmon and cream cheese bagels, little scones with jam and cream, and doll-sized cakes laid out in patterns on pretty china plates. Then there were bowls of trifle and tiramisú, and a special ice-cream cake, and a raspberry pavlova, and a cheesecake, and a profiterole tower, and an enormous birthday cake with a picture of a ballet dancer in a lilac dress.

  I might not be any good at dancing but I am a great eater. I sat next to Snow White and helped her to sandwiches and taught her how to drink her lemonade punch through a straw. I showed her how to blow bubbles too, but I got so enthusiastic, my bubbles overflowed my glass and a little dribble went down the front of my dress. I scrubbed at it quick with a paper serviette – and saw I’d somehow spilled some ice-cream when I was showing Snow White how to chop it up into little bricks to make a miniature igloo. I scrubbed at that too. There was so much material in my wretched dress that I hoped two weeny little stains wouldn’t really be noticed. I was determined not to worry about what Mum would say. I was almost starting to enjoy myself now.

  We had to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to Alisha, with Mrs Evans and Miss Suzanne conducting us. Then Alisha blew out her candles while her mother sprinkled her with sparkling confetti stuff. She said it was fairy dust and would make all Alisha’s dreams come true.

  I knew this was silly nonsense, but even so I edged up to Alisha so that some of the fairy dust rubbed off on me. Then I shut my eyes and wished that I could create a proper comic about Mighty Mart. Then she’d be turned into a TV series and a major feature film and a best-selling computer game, and I’d make lots and lots of money, and then Dad wouldn’t have to try to be a travel agent any more. He could just go on all these holidays himself, and take me with him. And perhaps Mum too, if she promised not to nag and make me wear stupid dresses. I wasn’t sure about Melissa. I remembered how she’d snorted with laughter. Perhaps she’d have to stay home all by herself.

  When we’d all had a piece of birthday cake, we had to go back into the main hall and sit on the floor while this clown called Chum-Chum entertained us. Snow White nestled closer to me and whispered that she didn’t like clowns, especially ones with white faces and red noses like Chum-Chum. I put my arm round her and said she didn’t have to worry, Chum-Chum looked like a nice friendly clown and wasn’t a bit scary.

  Chum-Chum caught my eye at this point. He took in my elaborately awful dress. ‘Ah, you must be the birthday girl!’ he said. ‘Would you like to come on stage and help me with my magic tricks?’

  The real birthday girl happened to be in the toilet at that moment. This was too good a chance to miss. I’d always longed to do magic tricks.

  I leaped up onto the stage. ‘I’m happy to be your assistant, Mr Chum-Chum!’ I said.

  We did a few tame tricks first. I had to keep picking cards and pulling strings of hankies out of his pocket. Then he produced a top hat and my heart started thumping hard. Was he going to pluck a rabbit from the hat? And if so, would he let me keep it?

  We didn’t have any pets at home. Mum wasn’t very keen on the idea because she said they made a mess. Could she possibly object to one teeny weeny little rabbit who mostly lived in a hat? I could call my pet rabbit Magic and we could perform tricks together …

  ‘Wakey-wakey!’ said Chum-Chum. ‘I said, tap the top hat with the magic wand, little birthday girl.’

  ‘She’s not the birthday girl! I am!’ Alisha shrieked, running into the hall.