Katy Read online

  When I was alone I punched the air with one trembly arm, because I’d managed the bus ride and the shopping trip. Then I fell fast asleep almost immediately.

  23

  ‘Are you absolutely sure you’re ready to go to school, Katy?’ Izzie asked.

  ‘Of course I am,’ I said fiercely.

  ‘Don’t you think you’ll get desperately tired going for a full day?’ Izzie persisted.

  She didn’t need to remind me that I’d been exhausted after a couple of hours in the shopping centre. I’d still been tired all day Sunday, flopping in my chair, scarcely able to wheel myself about the house. The thought of the noise and clamour of a new school made me feel sick and trembly, but I knew I had to go through with it. If I backed out now, or just attended in the morning or afternoon, I’d be giving Mrs Matthews ammunition, and she’d persist in suggesting I go to a different school.

  So on Monday morning I set my alarm an hour early and got out of bed before anyone else was up. I felt grimly virtuous as I laboured to get washed and struggled into my school uniform. Izzie had bought it right at the beginning of the summer holidays, before my accident. It was five times harder to get into than my usual T-shirt and joggers. It was especially hard trying to get my feet into the tight new socks. I was gasping and swearing at them when Izzie put her head round the door.

  ‘My goodness, you’re an early bird. You’ve done really well, Katy. Here, let me,’ said Izzie, deftly twisting the sock and getting it easily over my heel.

  Then she bent down and helped with my shoes. It was strange seeing Izzie with her hair unbrushed and straggly and her face pale without her careful make-up. She looked much sweeter and softer.

  ‘Are any of the others awake?’ I asked.

  ‘Not yet.’

  ‘I’ll get them organized if you want to start breakfast,’ I offered.

  We hadn’t sorted out a stairlift yet but I could shout to the kids easily enough.

  ‘The first small Carr to reach me, properly washed and dressed, will get a whacking great present,’ I called.

  It worked a treat. Phil came running down first. He wasn’t technically fully dressed: his T-shirt was on back to front, he’d forgotten his shorts altogether, and his shoes were on the wrong feet, but he was still first.

  ‘Well done, little Philip Pirrip,’ I said, giving him a hug. ‘Here you are, here’s your reward.’

  I gave him a Milky Way I’d kept from yesterday.

  ‘Don’t eat it before breakfast though!’ I said, as he started tearing the wrapper off.

  ‘That’s not fair! Phil’s only in his pants!’ Dorry complained bitterly. ‘I should be first – I’m dressed properly. Don’t eat that Milky Way, it’s mine!’

  ‘Your shoes aren’t done up and you’ve got hedgehog hair,’ said Clover, running up, her own hair brushed and glossy, her clothes neat, her patent-leather shoes shiny. ‘I think that Milky Way belongs to me!’

  They were still arguing over its ownership at breakfast.

  ‘Now look what you’ve started, Katy!’ said Izzie, but she was smiling. ‘Come on, eat up. You’re going to need plenty of food in your tummy to get you through the day. Would you like a boiled egg?’

  I didn’t want an egg. I didn’t want cereal. I could barely chew on one quarter of a slice of buttered toast. Then breakfast was over and the others were scurrying to clean their teeth and go to the loo and wailing about lunchboxes and mislaid homework. I sat on at the table, feeling sick.

  Izzie stopped clearing dishes. She came up to me and tentatively put her arm round my shoulders. She didn’t say anything. She just stood still and held me. I let myself lean against her for a moment.

  ‘Right, Katy?’ said Dad, coming back into the room.

  He was taking me to Springfield in his car, while Izzie ferried the rest to school and nursery. Cecy came with us. She was fizzing with excitement.

  ‘This is sooooo great, Katy,’ she kept saying. ‘I can’t believe you’re actually coming to school with me. You mustn’t worry about her, Dr Carr. I promise I’ll look after her.’

  ‘I don’t need looking after, Cecy,’ I said. I couldn’t help being irritated, even though I knew she was just being sweet and protective. I remembered all our old experiences of school together, and how I’d always been the one to look after shy Cecy.

  ‘Cecy’s simply trying to reassure me, Miss Prickle,’ said Dad. ‘Thank you so much, Cecy. It’s a great comfort to me to know that you’ll be looking out for Katy.’

  ‘Look, we’re not venturing off into some weird Pilgrim’s Progress land, all Vale of Despair and Mountains of Gloom, with giants and ogres attacking us night and day. I’m simply going to school, like every other eleven-year-old,’ I said.

  But as Dad drove the car through the Springfield gates it looked like the Castle of Despond, overrun by tribes of terrifying teenagers, each and every one of them capable of towering over me now I was stuck in a wheelchair.

  ‘Look! Look!’ Cecy cried suddenly, making me jump. ‘See that boy there? The one with the floppy hair. Oh, he’s waving to me, look!’

  I looked. I saw a perfectly ordinary, gawky guy, a bit spotty. He gave one brief salute with his hand and then carried on chatting with his mates.

  ‘I take it that’s Richard?’ I said.

  ‘Richie! Yes, isn’t he fantastic?’ said Cecy ecstatically. ‘And he waved to me!’

  ‘Big deal,’ I said, and then worried I sounded too sour. I didn’t want Cecy to think I was jealous. Perhaps I was. I wanted to be back in an old life where I might have been thrilled if some random guy waved at me. Though even then I don’t think Richie would have affected my happiness quotient one way or another.

  Dad was looking amused. We shared a quick glance and he raised his eyebrows slightly.

  ‘Now, Cecy, calm down and tell me where I can park,’ he said.

  Cecy tried to direct him to the visitors’ car park but Dad actually took no notice and drove right up to the main entrance.

  ‘I don’t want you and Katy fighting your way through all that rabble,’ said Dad. ‘Now, you sit tight, Katy, while I get your chair sorted.’

  He sprang out of the car and started struggling with the chair, opening it up and putting the seat pad in place. Then he pushed it right up beside the car so I could transfer into it. I noticed Cecy looking away uncomfortably while I was panting and heaving, as if I were doing something indecent. I made a complete pig’s ear of it and had to abandon the attempt and sit gasping like a fish before I had enough breath to give it another go. Dad hovered, not sure whether to intervene or not. I tried again and almost missed the chair altogether, but I got a corner of buttock in the right place and hauled hard. I made it at last, though I was damp under my arms, my new school blouse clinging to me. I had a horror I might have started smelling sweaty. Maybe I was going to be labelled the Smelly Cripple Girl?

  ‘Now, I think I’ll come in and see Mrs Matthews, make sure she’s got everything in place for you,’ said Dad.

  ‘No, honestly, I’ll be fine, Dad,’ I said.

  I didn’t feel fine at all. I felt as lost and helpless as a little kid starting in the Infants, but I was scared of being mocked, the girl who couldn’t go to secondary school without her dad.

  ‘Don’t you worry, Dr Carr,’ said Cecy. ‘I’ll show her the way. Here, I’ll carry your school bag for you, Katy. Gosh, it’s heavy, and you haven’t even got any homework yet. Whatever’s in it?’

  ‘Oh … just stuff,’ I mumbled. ‘It’s OK. I’ll have it on my lap.’

  I had packed it with spare everything – LoFric catheters, change of pants, change of skirt, just in case I had a terrible accident – plus a pencil case full of new pens and pencils, and my phone in case something awful happened and I needed to call Izzie quickly to come and get me.

  I said a quick goodbye to Dad, willing him not to kiss me, because I’d feel an idiot if anyone was watching – though in actual fact I wanted him to give me a huge hug