Kiss Read online

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  'What about?'

  'I don't know. He won't say. Us, maybe?' said Miranda. 'Anyway, I'm tired and my boots are rubbing and I got bored of stomping round t h e g a r d e n s — '

  'Look, you'll really have to ring off now, this is costing us a fortune. Quarrel with your friends on your own phone,' said Harry.

  Miranda giggled. 'Who's t h a t ? He sounds a royal pain. Anyway, I've got to go, Sylvie.'

  'But w h a t will I do? Something might have happened to Carl.'

  'Don't be daft. He'll be by the gate, waiting.

  You go there too. Find his m u m and go home together like good little kiddywinks. Bye!'

  The phone went dead. I didn't dare t r y re-dialling on Harry's phone. I gave it back, t h a n k i n g his kind wife, and then I started r u n n i n g all the way back up Cherry Walk t o w a r d s Victoria Gate. I peered a r o u n d desperately as I went, calling for Carl whenever I could draw breath. There was still no sign of him.

  There was a little crowd of people n e a r t h e gate, all saying their goodbyes. I dodged in and out of them, looking and looking, b u t still couldn't see Carl.

  'Sylvie? Sylvie!' There was Jules standing on t h e other side of the gate, looking anxious, h e r h a i r wilder t h a n ever. 'Oh, Sylvie, come on! Find t h e others and let's go. I couldn't find anywhere to p a r k so I've left the car j u s t up t h a t street 195

  blocking someone's drive. I'll have to move it in a minute.'

  'But I can't come! I'm not with t h e others. We all got lost. Miranda and Paul are OK, they've gone off to get the train, but I can't find Carl anywhere. Oh, Jules, w h a t are we going to do? I j u s t know something terrible h a s happened to him.'

  'Don't be silly, Sylvie,' Jules said briskly.

  'There he is, behind you!'

  I turned. There was Carl. I went limp with relief – until I saw his face. His eyes were red, his eyelashes spiky, his cheeks flushed. It was obvious he'd been crying.

  I knew there was no point asking Carl w h a t was wrong. He sat in t h e back of t h e car, fists clenched, lips tightly pressed, frowning h a r d with the effort of keeping it all in. J u l e s tried to make cheery general conversation, peering at Carl i n h e r rear-view mirror. H e s t a r e d resolutely out of t h e window into t h e d a r k n e s s outside.

  I tried reaching out to him, resting my h a n d on the seat between us. He didn't respond. I tried nudging a little n e a r e r b u t he tensed up even tighter. I sat s t a r i n g at him miserably, trying to work out w h a t h a d happened. He h a d been so happy a n d carefree w a n d e r i n g a r o u n d all the glasshouses.

  I thought back to t h a t moment only an h o u r ago when t h e four of us h a d held h a n d s at t h e 197

  top of the Temperate House. Why h a d we all agreed to play t h a t stupid game of Hide and Seek? It was all Paul's idea, j u s t so he could get Miranda on her own. Had Carl and Paul h a d some kind of argument over Miranda? But Carl didn't really care about Miranda, even though she w a n t e d him. Still, she seemed h a p p y enough to clear off with Paul now. Why couldn't Carl be happy with me?

  The moment Jules drove up outside our houses Carl leaped out of the car and r a n up the path, his key in his hand. He didn't say goodbye to me. He didn't even t u r n round.

  'Oh dear,' said Jules, sighing. 'Do you have any idea what's happened, Sylvie?'

  'No,' I said.

  Jules p u t h e r h a n d on my shoulder. 'Sylvie, do you t h i n k . . . ?'

  'What?'

  I h e a r d her swallowing. I didn't w a n t h e r to say any more. I knew w h a t she was going to suggest.

  'Don't let's talk about him. He'd so h a t e it,' I said.

  'Yes, you're right,' said Jules.

  I mumbled a thank-you to h e r and went into my own house. I didn't w a n t to talk to my own m u m either. She was on the computer, probably emailing Gerry. I s h u t myself in my room. I lay on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I thought of Paul and Miranda together. I thought of Carl alone in his bedroom, only a couple of metres 198

  away from me, yet he felt far away, in a different country altogether.

  I didn't realize I was crying until the t e a r s started trickling sideways down my cheeks.

  Very early on Saturday morning I tried texting Carl.

  R U AWAKE?

  I tried every half-hour. I thought he was awake. I was sure I heard him opening his window. I tried opening mine, peering out. I couldn't see Carl b u t I thought I heard t h e click-click of his computer. I tried calling softly but he didn't reply.

  I went downstairs to the living room and typed on our computer:

  What happened, Carl? Have you and Paul had a fight? I don't care, whatever it is, I swear I don't, I just want to help. I can't stand it when you're unhappy. Please please please talk to me or write to me or text me.

  He emailed back five bleak little words: Please just leave me alone.

  I tried to do j u s t t h a t . I kept to myself. I went back to bed and didn't get up till t h e afternoon.

  Miranda kept ringing but I didn't w a n t to talk to her. I switched my mobile off.

  'Are you having a mope, love?' said Mum, 199

  coming into my room with a cup of coffee.

  'I'm j u s t tired, Mum,' I mumbled.

  I let my coffee go cold and p u t my head under my pillow, trying h a r d to tunnel my way back to sleep. I kept having weird half-waking dreams about Carl and Miranda a n d Paul, until I started banging my head, trying to dislodge t h e m from my brain. I h a d a headache from crying and sleeping so long, and when I got up at last I found I had two huge new spots on my nose. It was the final indignity. I felt so tragic and I j u s t looked comically ugly. I tried squeezing t h e spots a n d m a d e t h e m worse. I smothered them with thick foundation and t u r n e d into a clown – with spots.

  'Miranda's on t h e phone again,' M u m called.

  'Tell h e r I've gone out,' I hissed.

  'You tell her,' said Mum.

  'Oh for heaven's sake, how can I if I'm pretending I'm not here!' I shouted down.

  I knew Miranda might h e a r my voice in the background. I decided it was j u s t too bad. I h e a r d Mum mumbling some excuse on the phone. Then she came t r e k k i n g up to my bedroom again.

  'Why don't you w a n t to talk to Miranda all of a sudden? I thought you two were such total bosom buddies?'

  'Mum! I can't stick t h a t expression. And as a m a t t e r of fact, I can't stick Miranda right this minute,' I said.

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  'OK, OK. And you've obviously fallen out with Carl too. I was talking to Jules this morning and he's j u s t flopping around in his room, not wanting to talk to anyone either. Honestly, you kids!'

  M u m sighed, but she didn't look sad. Her eyes were shining and she h a d a silly smile, as if someone was telling her a private joke. It was as if she h a d her own private hotline in her head to this wretched Gerry.

  I needed to get away from her. I didn't want to go next door. I didn't want to go over to Miranda's.

  I decided I'd go and see Lucy. She was very lukewarm when I phoned. I couldn't blame her.

  I'd been practically ignoring h e r recently.

  'Can I come round this afternoon, Lucy?' I asked.

  'Why?'

  'Well, because – because we're friends.

  Friends h a n g out together, don't they?'

  'I suppose Miranda's busy,' she snapped.

  I thought she might put t h e phone down on me b u t then she weakened.

  'OK. Come round if you really must.'

  I didn't really want to go at all. I felt I'd been mad to think of it, but I couldn't back out now. I went over to Lucy's, and when she opened the door I made an effort to put on a big smile and be sweet to her. It wasn't easy. She was still acting very off-hand and talked to me in monosyllables, sitting primly on the end of her bed, picking at the stitching on her gingham patchwork quilt.

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  I found it