Love Lessons Read online

  'It's OK,' I said. 'I'll clear up the living room if you want to go and do the baby.' I wondered if I ought to fix the nappy myself but I didn't w a n t him to see me struggling, doubtless snapping the wrong bits together.

  He smiled at me gratefully and went upstairs with his grizzly little girl. I got down on my hands and knees and started gathering toys.

  The carpet was a bit gritty and could have done with a good going over with a hoover. Mum would have been ashamed to have a visitor see her house in such a state. Maybe Mrs Raxberry simply couldn't be bothered? I imagined her sprawling on the sofa, stuffing chocolates and 139

  watching television while the baby wailed and the little boy created havoc.

  Why would Mr Raxberry want a wife like that? Why didn't he want a wife who was artistic and creative? He was so chic and stylish himself.

  Why not go for a complementary partner?

  Mrs Raxberry came into the room at t h a t moment. I s t a r e d at her, startled. I'd been imagining her as this great wobbly jelly woman when she was just an ordinary fair-haired mum, thinner now t h a n the photo in his wallet, though the woollen dress she was wearing was clinging a little too closely.

  'Hello! You must be Prudence. I'm Marianne.

  Oh God, I'm sorry, let me do that. I meant to get everything cleared up before you came but it's just been one of those days, and the kids have been driving me crazy.'

  I must have looked alarmed. She laughed at me. 'Don't worry, they'll be fine. They'll both sleep like logs now. Harry's putting up a bit of a fight about going to bed, but it's not like it's a major strop.'

  With perfect timing Harry started screaming upstairs: 'Mum! You come back now! I need you now! I want a story NOW!'

  Mrs Raxberry raised her eyebrows a n d sighed. 'Can't you see to him, Keith?' she called up the stairs. She turned to me. 'Harry's a bit unsettled because we haven't been out for ages.

  He'll calm down soon, I promise. Keith will just read him one more story so he doesn't get too 140

  worked up, and then I'm sure he'll drop off. If he gets really upset, though, you can always ring us at the restaurant, I've left my mobile number by the telephone. I don't really know why we're going out for a meal. I had some fish fingers with Harry at tea time to keep him company even though I'm supposed to be on a diet. Does this dress look much too tight still?

  It looks really awful, doesn't it?'

  'No, no, it looks lovely on you,' I lied.

  I was disarmed by the way she talked to me like a friend she'd known for years. I didn't want to be her friend. I didn't want her to be so nice.

  She wasn't so nice to Mr Raxberry though.

  Harry was still shrieking.

  'For God's sake, Keith, can't you read Harry his story?'

  'I'm changing Lily's nappy at this exact moment in time,' he called back.

  'Can't you do both? Haven't you h e a r d of multi-tasking?' She sighed, raising her eyebrows at me. 'Men! Why do they h a v e to m a k e changing a nappy into such a big deal? It's like he wants a medal pinned to his chest every time he does it.'

  I wriggled uncomfortably, not knowing what to say.

  'Oops! I keep forgetting he's your teacher.

  What's he like at school, eh? Is he p r e t t y hopeless?'

  'He's a brilliant teacher,' I said stiffly. 'He's taught me so much already.'

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  'Yes, I know you like art. Keith's told me all about you.'

  I wanted to ask exactly what he'd said, getting her to repeat it word for word, but I was too shy.

  'Art's my favourite subject,' I said. 'I want to go to art school.'

  'Ah. Well, try not to end up an art teacher, Prudence.'

  I made some non-committal noise. She was standing on tiptoe, peering at herself in the mirror above the mantelpiece.

  'This dress is too tight, especially if I'm going to be having a big meal. I wanted to go to see a film tonight but there doesn't seem to be much on. I think I'll change into my navy top and my white trousers, yeah?' She looked at me. 'You're so lucky to be so skinny. Mind you, I wasn't much bigger t h a n you before I had Harry. Dire warning: don't have kids! Come on, you'd better come and meet them. You can get them sorted out while I change. Keith's probably put a nappy on Harry and is reading The Gruffalo to Lily.'

  I found Mr Raxberry sitting up on Harry's bed, with Lily on his lap and Harry cuddled against his chest. Lily was still nappyless. Harry was m u t t e r i n g in an ungrateful monotone,

  'Don't want you reading, Daddy, I want Mum.'

  I decided I didn't much care for either child.

  Harry was one of those bullet-headed little boys, wriggling and squirming and grumbling. Lily seemed sweeter, but her pink prawn limbs and 142

  bare bottom made me feel a bit squeamish. I put on a false smile nevertheless.

  'What lovely children,' I said, practically clapping my hands and applauding them.

  'Who's t h a t big girl? I don't like her,' said Harry.

  'That's Prudence. She's going to look after you and Lily tonight,' said Mr Raxberry.

  I knew this was a silly thing to say. Harry reacted predictably, insisting he didn't want to be looked after by me, he didn't like me, he didn't like his dad either, he w a n t e d Mum. Mrs Raxberry came running, half in, half out of her navy top.

  'I'm here, Harry. It's OK, sweetie.' She took a deep breath. 'For God's sake, Keith! I'll sort the kids. You go and get changed.'

  'Changed?'

  'You're not going to wear those awful jeans to La Terrazza?'

  'OK, OK.'

  I couldn't understand her. Mr Raxberry looked wonderful in his jeans. Why did she treat him like an idiot all the time?

  She picked Lily up. 'There now, come to Mummy. Who needs a nappy to cover her little pink bot?' she cooed in a silly voice.

  Lily kicked her little legs like a frog and then weed all down Mrs Raxberry's white trousers.

  She squealed, and told Mr Raxberry it was all his fault. She stamped off to get changed again, a wet, squirmy Lily under one arm.

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  I looked at Mr Raxberry. He looked at me. We were both trying not to burst out laughing. He raised his eyebrows at me and then went off to get changed himself.

  'OK, I'll read you your Gruffalo book, Harry,'

  I said, in a nice-bright-cheerful-nanny voice.

  Harry pushed the book away peevishly and slid down the bed, half-hidden under the sheets.

  'Stupid smelly big girl,' he said, entirely disappearing under the duvet.

  I ducked my head under too. 'Don't mess with me, little boy,' I hissed. 'You come out and I'll tell you your story and if you're very very good I'll give you some chocolate when your mum and dad have gone out.'

  'A whole big bar?' said Harry.

  'Well, t h a t depends on how good you are.'

  He was positively angelic, especially when it mattered, saying goodbye to his mum and dad.

  I decided childcare was a piece of cake – well, bar of chocolate. If I ever had children they'd be impeccably behaved, though they'd probably be little dumplings with no teeth.

  Lily was too little for bribery, but she seemed contented enough. She looked like a very tiny snowman in her small white sleeping suit. I held her on my lap as I sat on Harry's bed and made her wave her little arm to Mr and Mrs Raxberry.

  'You're sure you're going to be all right, Prudence?' said Mrs Raxberry. 'You look very young.'

  'I'm fifteen,' I said. Well, I would be next year.

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  'Oh dear, is t h a t all?' she said doubtfully, pulling down her skirt. She was back in her skin-tight dress. 'You have done lots of babysitting before, haven't you?'

  'I've been babysitting my little sister for years,'

  I said truthfully. 'Don't worry, we'll be fine.'

  I produced the chocolate as soon as they'd gone out t h e front door. H a r r y drooled his way through the entire bar. I had to keep wiping his mouth so he wouldn't get chocolate slur