Hockey Holidays Read online

  Yeah, I’d do that.

  “I was going to send you flowers, but I won’t apologize for loving you.”

  “You shouldn’t have to.”

  “You’re right.”

  He reaches for my hand, lacing our fingers together. “I get it. You’ve been burned, but Grace, I won’t do that—”

  “I’m pregnant.”

  Well, no beating around the bush, Adler.

  A billion different emotions flash over James’s face as he gazes into my eyes. Soon, he is blurry from my tears. “I’m so sorry. I guess we weren’t careful enough, but I’m right at four weeks. I’m super sorry—”

  “Why are you apologizing?”

  I wipe away a tear before I shrug. “I don’t know. We never talked about kids because, let’s be honest, it wasn’t supposed to be more than just screwing around.”

  Annoyance fills his beautiful features. “You still believe that?”

  “I do. I’m not worth your time.”

  “I disagree.”

  “James, for real. No one ever wants me after a while—”

  “Well, I want you now, tomorrow, and forever.”

  “James, listen. I don’t want you to feel like you’re obligated to me. We can raise this baby as friends—”

  “No,” he says immediately. “Your being pregnant doesn’t make me feel obligated to you. The fact that I love you obligates me to be with you, love you, and show you how it is when a real man loves a woman.”

  “Wow. Real Michael Bolton there, guy.” I say that because his words are too deep. They’re too much of a promise I know he can’t keep.

  But he doesn’t laugh. “Grace, this is a blessing. I want you, I want our child, and I know you’ll love me. You just need a bit more time.”

  A lump forms in my throat as I look away, shaking my head. “I really like you. You’re an amazing guy. But give up on the idea of us together. I’m not worth it. I’m hopeless, and you’ll only get hurt in the end.”

  “Or we’ll live a damn good life together, raising our children.”

  “It’s only one.”

  “I mean after this one.”

  I’m speechless as I gaze up at him. “James—”

  “Listen. You remember when we danced to ‘To Make You Feel My Love’?”

  I nod, biting my lip to keep it from wobbling. “Yeah.”

  “I held you, and all I could think was I wanted to do everything the song said. So, let me. Give me a chance. See if you fall for me. And if by the time the baby comes, you still don’t love me, then I’ll leave you alone. But until then, I’m going to love the hell out of you, and you’re not gonna be able to resist me.”

  When his lips break into a wide grin, I shake my head. “You’re setting yourself up for failure.”

  With such beautiful confidence, James says, “Or the biggest win of my life.”

  What did I get myself into?

  September 3rd

  “Mom! It’s a boy!”

  My mom squeals on the other end while James holds up the ultrasound pictures, his head tilting to the side as he looks at them. “And we’re sure that’s a penis and not just his toe?” he asks.

  “Don’t you see the resemblance?” I tease, and he glares.

  “Har-har.”

  I laugh as I shake my head. “Yes, that’s his penis! Can you believe it, Mom? A little boy to play hockey and be amazing. I’m so stoked.”

  “Me too, my love. I wish it was a girl. All the bows. I love bows.”

  I roll my eyes. “But a boy, Mom. Hockey.”

  “Girl, I’ve done my fair share of hockey. You’ll see.”

  I grin in excitement at James, who is beaming too. “He’s gonna be so talented and so handsome.”

  “Well, he does have two very good-looking parents,” my mom offers.

  “I couldn’t agree more,” I say, and James and I share a look. “Okay, Mom, let me call you later.”

  “Of course. Love you, sweetie.”

  “Love you,” I say softly as James wraps his arm around my waist.

  I see in his eyes that he wishes I would say that to him. And to be honest, I don’t know why I just don’t. Things between us have been absolutely amazing. As he promised, he has spoiled me with gifts and words galore. If we don’t see each other in the morning, he sends me a text to tell me he loves me and that I’m beautiful. I’ve spent the better part of the last three months puking my brains out, and James has held my hair for most of it.

  I want to say that I allow myself to enjoy him, that I crave him. And a part of me does, but the other part is so cautious. Pregnancy has made me even more of a pain in the ass. I feel drained. I’m hungry and just tired. James is so patient, though. It’s as if he isn’t fazed by my outbursts or even my insecurities. He just loves me. It’s so unreal, and I can’t help waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know any other woman would put her claws into James and never let go. But the thing is, I care too much about him to trap him with me.

  What if his soul mate is still out there?

  What if it’s not me?

  We’ve gone past the three-month mark in our relationship, but six is coming up, and I can’t shake the idea that he’ll get tired of me. I’m not truly convinced I am the woman for him, and that makes me incredibly sad. He’s just so wonderful, so perfect, so kind, while I’m sharp-tongued, a little rough around the edges, and I’ve been hurt over and over again. I’m a poster child for insecurities, but he treats me like I’m brand-new. Not the least bit damaged. So, why am I fighting it?

  “So, a question.”

  I lean into him as I gaze at the ultrasound. I was so scared at first about having a child, but now, I can’t wait. I want to hold my baby. “Yeah?”

  “Since you are feeling better now, I think you should start your own company.”

  I groan. This is a conversation we have daily. “James, I told you. I’m not taking your money.”

  “Fine. What if I start the business and you run it?”

  I roll my eyes. “You know I’m not stupid, right?”

  He chuckles before kissing my temple. “I’m aware. But you need to make money. You say it all the time. So, do it. Run my company. I don’t have time.”

  I roll my eyes even though I want to say yes so bad. I miss working, and I’m tired of mooching off Shea and James. I want to make my own money, be able to support my child for when James decides he’s tired of my shit. But if I do this, what happens when he does? Will he fire me too? My chest feels heavy as I shrug. “I don’t know.”

  “Think about it.”

  “Okay,” I agree as we get to his car.

  “Next question.”

  “Wow. Loads of questions today.”

  He laughs. “Maybe.” I smile, and he returns it, though his is wider. “Have you thought of a name for the little guy?”

  I bite my lip. “I’d love to name him Ryan, after Shea’s middle name.” James doesn’t seem surprised, and that fills me with such delight. “And then James after you.”

  He nods. “So, Ryan James?”

  “Yes,” I say slowly. “Do you like it?”

  He leans into me, holding me close to him. “I love it almost as much as I love you and him,” he says, pressing his hand to my growing belly.

  Tears rush to my eyes as I gaze up at him. He quickly kisses the tip of my nose. “But I get to name the girl.”

  I grin at him, and I hate how hopeful I feel. “James—”

  “Shh. Don’t ruin this for me.”

  I snort. “Fine.”

  “Now, what are you doing Saturday?”

  I shrug. “Nothing.”

  “That’s right, because I’m taking you somewhere.”

  I eye him. “Do I need a pretty dress?”

  He leans into me, kissing my nose again. “Baby, you always need a pretty dress.”

  I don’t know why, but hearing him say that makes my cold, dead heart burst to life like the fires of hell are coming for me.