Hockey Holidays Read online

  Well, it was too late to turn back now. Em padded into the bathroom. The old-fashioned claw foot tub looked inviting, but it had seen better days, like everything in this house. She tried to turn off the dripping tap, but nothing happened. Em worried about how her parents managed their day-to-day lives, because they lived in a world of ideas and causes. She’d always been the practical member of the family, managing the family finances from the age of twelve.

  She got washed up and ready. The door of Ian’s room was open. His room was empty but surprisingly neat, with the bed made and his open duffel full of folded clothes.

  Her mother was reading a newspaper in the warm and sunny kitchen.

  “Merry Christmas, Emerald. There’s granola I made last week.” Her mother motioned to the paper. “Have you heard about this new art exhibition? A group of women artists have created vulvas out of found materials. I wonder if we’ll have time to see it before you go home.”

  Em needed coffee before she could even answer that question. She poured herself a cup and took some blessed sips.

  “Where’s Dad?” she asked, skipping the recycled vulva question altogether.

  “He and Ian went out shopping.”

  “Shopping? On Christmas Day?” Shopping was not a word she connected with either of those men.

  Her mother looked up and smiled. “Yes, there’s a grocery store on Bloor Street that’s open. Dad needed a few things for dinner, and Ian wanted to get outside. What a nice young man he is.”

  Em nearly dropped her coffee cup. “Mom! Last night, you spent half an hour arguing with Ian about regressive tax rates. How can you say he’s a nice young man?”

  “Well, he’s misguided about that, but most small businessmen are.”

  Em shook her head. “He’s not a small businessman, he’s a carpenter.”

  “Emerald! You were not raised to have disdain for working class professions. Everyone contributes to the community in their own way—even corporate robber barons. Besides, Jesus was a carpenter.”

  Since her mother was an atheist, this was another shocking statement.

  Em frowned. “So, you like Ian?”

  Her mother turned the page of the newspaper. “Well, he’s not Lucas, but he’s certainly more interesting than the last few boys you brought home.”

  How had this happened? She had to spend the holidays with Ian Reid, and he wasn’t even fulfilling his purpose.

  Then the man himself came in with her father. He was carrying two cloth bags full of groceries.

  Ian smiled when he saw her. “Merry Christmas, Em.”

  “Just put those bags on the counter, son,” her dad said. “And thanks for all your help. It was surprisingly busy in there.”

  Em jumped up and began unpacking groceries. Ian was making her look lazy in her own home.

  “You’re a real sleepyhead,” he said.

  “Er, well, you know that already,” Em stammered.

  Ian snorted. Clearly, he wasn’t going to play along with her.

  “I was wondering, would you like to go for a walk with me?” Em asked. “I can show you my childhood neighbourhood.”

  “All the places where little Emerald experienced her firsts?” Ian asked. Everything he said sounded sexual. “Sure.”

  “We can open presents when you get back,” her mom said. “Once Dad gets the turkey in the oven.”

  As soon as they got outside, Em hit him with the problem. “It’s not working. My parents actually like you.”

  “Well, Ms. Anal-list, I guess you can’t predict everything. I never thought this was going to fly.”

  “You didn’t?” Em said. Then why did he even come?

  “You can’t force people to do what you want ’em to. Sometimes you have to roll with life.”

  “But what are we going to do?”

  “We? I’m doing my part,” Ian said. “And I’m only here for the Leafs game anyway.”

  “Maybe you could act worse. Why are you being so helpful?”

  He blew out a breath. “I hate sitting around doing nothing. I didn’t know if you were going to sleep all day.”

  Em frowned. She hated doing nothing too. It was disconcerting to find out she had things in common with Ian. “I don’t understand this. When I brought Todd home, they treated him like the anti-Christ.”

  “Was Todd the lawyer or the pharmaceutical rep?”

  They rounded a corner, and there were kids playing with their brand new snowball slingshots.

  “Todd was the lawyer. Ben was the pharmaceutical rep. Wait, how do you know who I dated?”

  Ian shrugged. “I dunno. Musta been when you and Abby were gabbing away about your love life.”

  A snowball whizzed by as they walked together.

  Ian looked over at her. “I know why your plan isn’t working.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you’re not acting crazy enough about me.”

  “What are you talking about? I’m pretending to be your girlfriend. That’s already a sign of insanity.”

  “Your parents aren’t dummies. They can see you’re not really into me, so they aren’t going to bother warning you off.”

  “How am I not acting into you?”

  The corners of Ian’s mouth turned up. “You’re not affectionate with me. You don’t do any special shit for me. You don’t praise me. And who tells their parents that we have to have separate bedrooms because I snore?”

  “It was the best excuse I could think of. You certainly don’t look like someone of high principles who won’t have premarital sex.”

  “Got that right,” Ian replied. “The point is, when people are into a new relationship, they want to bone all the time. Remember that first year with Abby and Mase?”

  Em nodded. Those two had not been able to keep their hands off each other. After several embarrassing encounters, Em had learned to even knock on open doors before she entered. She still knew way too much about Mason’s body.

  “So, you’re saying if this plan doesn’t work, it’s my fault?” Em said.

  “You said be myself. I’ve done that.”

  Em scowled. “Wait. This isn’t a trick to get some, is it?”

  “Am I going to get some?” Ian asked.

  “No, of course not. A fake relationship is by definition not the same as a real one.”

  “Whatever, princess,” said Ian. “Let’s go back. I told your dad I’d give him a hand with the dinner.”

  She’d already gone to all this trouble and spent over a thousand bucks on hockey tickets. And now she had to act more affectionate to Ian? Em groaned internally, but it was only for two more days.

  She reached out. “Okay, I’ll be nicer. Let’s walk back holding hands.” Ian’s large gloved hand enveloped hers in a very pleasant way. She corrected herself. Of course, he felt warm, he was alive.

  When they got home, there was panic in the air.

  “What’s wrong?” Em asked. Her mother was running around with two plastic buckets and her father was cursing in the kitchen. He was normally very laid back, so cursing meant a crisis level problem.

  “The goddamn sink has backed up. Today of all days. I can’t even get hold of a plumber.”

  Her mom added, “Well, strictly speaking, it’s not an emergency. Flooding is an emergency.”

  “Cooking dinner for twenty people without a working sink is a goddamn emergency,” growled her father.

  “Well, maybe we can ask a neighbour if...” Her mother’s voice faltered. All their neighbours would be in the midst of their own Christmases.

  Ian had the flashlight of his phone on, and he was looking into the murky water in the sink. Then he opened up the cupboard door and looked underneath.

  “Pretty old drains you got here.” He pulled off his sweater and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. “Let me take a look.”

  “Do you think you can fix it?” her mother asked.

  “I’ll give ’er a go. Em, can you help me?”

  She agreed