Misadventures of a Rookie Read online

  I sat down beside her, reaching for her hands, though she wouldn’t let me. “Bo, he was a jackass.”

  “I trusted him. I loved him, and he broke me.”

  “I understand, but he wasn’t a good guy, obviously.”

  “But I thought he was everything.”

  “Well, you were wrong—or better yet, he made you wrong ’cause he was a fucking dickhead.”

  She wasn’t listening to me though. She held her face in her hands as she explained even more. “I went into a really bad state of depression. I couldn’t function, which is why I wanted to give Davis up. I wasn’t like your mom. I wasn’t strong like she was, because everyone was against me. I was completely alone, and I lost my scholarship because I couldn’t keep up with my studies to keep my four-point GPA. I lost everything, and then I had to watch my mom raise my child because I couldn’t do it.”

  I couldn’t take it anymore. I reached for her, wrapping my arms around her and kissing her temple. “Bo, it’s okay. You did what was best, not only for Davis but for yourself.”

  “Gus, you don’t understand. I’m making the same mistake.”

  Those words hit me as though she threw cold water on me. I pulled back, watching as she shook her head. As I stared at her profile, my throat closed up, and she went on. “I’m falling fast for you, just like I did with Jesse, and I know I shouldn’t make you pay for his mistakes, but can’t you understand, after everything I’ve said, it’s hard not to. I mean, look at me. I’m a mess just thinking about what could happen again.”

  “I would never do that to you,” I insisted. “That would never happen between us. I couldn’t do that to you. Ever.” Reaching for her hands, I laced our fingers together. “Bo, I get it. You don’t like promises because you think they can’t be kept, but he was a piece of shit. My word is my everything, and I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. Can’t you see that?”

  “I want to, but Gus, you’re going into the NHL. This is your dream. Do you really want a long-distance relationship holding you down?”

  I just blinked at her. How could she be so dense! “Yes! I want you. Bo, I love you.”

  Her eyes widened as she gawked at me. Falling to the ground between her legs, I cringed a bit from the pain in my side before I wrapped my arms around her middle, holding her gaze. “Baby, I love you and yeah, that’s insane because I’ve never loved anyone in my life except my parents, but it’s the truth. I do, I love you, and I want you. I want all of you. If it’s long distance, awesome. If it’s you moving here with me and Sweetie, fucking great. You can be closer to Davis. I want to get to know the dude, but not only that. I want you. All of you.”

  “Gus—”

  “Let me finish,” I said, squeezing her. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, Bo. I could get called up or I couldn’t. I don’t know. But I do know I don’t want to do anything if you’re not by my side.”

  Her eyes started to mist with tears once more. “Oh, Gus…”

  “You can’t let the past win. It will eat you alive. We have to stay in the now, look at the future that is promising and beautiful for us.” When she started to shake her head, her tears falling in heaps, everything inside me went still. “Listen, I know you don’t want promises. I get it. I do, and usually, I don’t make them if I can’t keep them. But with you, I know I can keep them. I promise, Bocephus Jane St. James—man, you’d think by now I would be used to the length of your name,” I joked, but she didn’t even smile. Her eyes were full of tears; her chest was rising and falling as she stared back at me. I didn’t miss the fact that she hadn’t told me she loved me too. But even with that, I couldn’t stop myself from going on. “I promise, Bo, I promise I’ll love you, and I won’t ever make you question that. I will stand by the fact that if things go south, I’ll tell you, but with the respect you deserve. Though, I feel that will never happen because we’re good. Bo, can’t you see how good we are?”

  “But—”

  “No but,” I demanded, shaking my head. “Can you really sit there and not know this is good? I mean, what do you want?”

  She hiccupped a sob. “I want to be with you.”

  “Then what’s holding you back? The past? This Jesse fucker?”

  She slowly nodded.

  “I can’t fix that, Bo. It’s either you want me and us, or you let him hold you back. Aren’t you fucking tired of having that on you? Don’t you just want to be happy?”

  When she didn’t answer, I fell back on my haunches, watching her. She was fighting with herself, I could see that, and it was honestly slaughtering me. I wanted so bad for her to realize what we had, but I worried that wouldn’t happen. She was too hurt.

  When she stood, wobbling a bit on her boot, she looked away as she moved around me. I closed my eyes, and my heart felt like it was annihilated by a million hockey sticks as I listened to her move around the room, gathering her things.

  “So that’s that?” When she looked over her shoulder at me and I saw the tears falling down her face, I felt my own start to fall. “You have nothing to say?”

  She swallowed hard, and with a trembling lip, she whispered, “I have so much to say, but I don’t know how.”

  “Can you not try?”

  She slowly shook her head. “No, because you deserve someone who actually has her shit together and isn’t caught up in the past.”

  And with that, she walked out the door, shutting it behind her.

  Which left me, for once, to worry about my future.

  Because Bo might not be in it.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Gus

  “Well…well, hell, that sucks. Do you want me to come over and run my fingers through your hair like I did when you were a baby?”

  “No, Mom. I’m twenty-two years old. You can’t do that.”

  “Who the hell says?”

  I scoffed as I cuddled with my pillow, holding my phone to my ear. It had been thirteen hours since Bo had left. I had slept some but not much, since I kept trying to call and text her. She wasn’t answering me though. At one point I thought she may have shut her phone off. I don’t know, but I did know I was hurting. The pain from my side was nothing compared to the pain in my chest.

  Fuck, this did suck.

  “This is why I don’t mess with girls.”

  My mom chuckled a bit. “Oh, you messed just fine. You just didn’t get close enough to get hurt.”

  “Yeah, that,” I answered, and she clicked her tongue.

  “You didn’t want to feel what I felt with your dad.”

  I opened my eyes, my brows coming in.

  “I always knew that was what it was. That’s why I’ve never pushed you on settling down. You’d find the one.”

  I cleared my throat. “I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing.”

  “Well, of course not, because for you it was normal to be wary of relationships, but Bo came in like a wrecking ball.”

  My lips curved as I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me. “She sure did.”

  “I know, honey, and if it’s meant to be, it will work out. She’s just embarrassed right now. She’s scared, and I mean shit, I couldn’t imagine what she went through. Yeah, I went through almost the same thing, but then, I didn’t. I wasn’t in love with your dad. I didn’t care one way or another if he wanted me. She did.”

  “Don’t spare my feelings,” Dad called, and my mom scoffed.

  “Don’t act surprised. You know the truth.”

  I wasn’t listening to them though. I couldn’t get the image of Bo sitting on my bed and crying from her soul. She was sobbing, her whole body shaking, and I had never seen her like that. She was always so hardheaded, so strong, and the kind of person who didn’t take shit from anyone. Especially me. She always put me in my place. But then, over the weeks, that started to change. She started to smile more, and I thought we were good.

  We were solid.

  But she walked out.

  She left me.

  An