Misadventures of a Rookie Read online

  All rational thought stopped as she swirled her tongue along the tip of me. I threw back my head, and she sank to her knees. She cupped my balls and took them in her mouth, sucking them a bit before kissing my thighs and then my hips. “Are you ready?”

  “Fucking hell, I’ve been ready,” I moaned before pulling her up by the back of her elbows and hard against me, capturing her mouth with mine. “I’m almost always ready when it comes to your sexy ass.”

  She bit into my lip, and I cried out softly.

  “Then fuck me,” she whispered.

  “Don’t have to ask me twice,” I muttered against her mouth.

  We tumbled onto the bed, careful of each other’s injuries.

  “We are a mess.”

  She laughed. “We are,” she agreed, kissing my wounded hand.

  “I’d kiss your foot, but that’s gross.”

  “Agreed,” she laughed as she shimmied out of her shorts. I wanted to watch her, but I really needed a condom, so I opened the drawer for one. I was about to close it when she stopped me and reached in. “Unicorn Spit? What the hell?”

  She held up the bottle of lube that I used to whack off, and I shrugged. “It smells good. Like donuts.”

  “You use this?”

  I scoffed. “All the time.”

  “You whack off with stuff that smells like donuts.”

  “Yeah, and then I go eat donuts. It’s actually a damn good time.”

  She giggled and opened the top. “Oh wow, it does smell good.”

  She squirted cool lube all over my cock. I jumped at the shock of the cold, but then her mouth was on me, licking and sucking the lube. “Holy fuck.”

  Looking up, she beamed at me. “It tastes like donuts!”

  I laughed, but it fell off quickly when I was back in her mouth. Gripping her hair, I guided her down my shaft, but then she pulled her mouth from me and we kissed. She tasted so damn sweet. Pulling back, I laughed. “Damn, that does taste good.”

  “Right?” she asked, leaning back and opening her legs for me. I was famished at the sight of her perfect pink pussy. She squeezed the bottle, the lube falling and mingling with her own juices. I couldn’t breathe. I wanted her. “Want a taste?” she asked innocently, moving her fingers through the lube and her own arousal.

  Boy, did I.

  Bo lay back against the bed so I could lick her free of the lube. I wasn’t going to miss a spot, and her moans and giggles turned me on even more. I gave her clit the love that I wanted to give it all the time. I took my time, drawing out each lick, suckling and lightly nipping at her hard nub. She was squirming and jerking as my name came out in spurts. Her whole body was flushed as she arched off the bed, crying out as she hit her climax. When her legs started to shake, I laughed, kissing her knees before reaching for the condom.

  “Ow.”

  I looked up at her, and gone was her O face. Her face was scrunched up, and she was leaning to the side, drawing her legs together. “What’s wrong?”

  “Ow! I don’t know!” she cried out, opening her legs before she started to fan her pussy. “It burns! Oh my God!”

  “What burns?” I asked as she screamed frantically, squeezing her legs together.

  “My pussy! Oh my God, Gus!” she cried, and for a second I thought she was joking, but then she opened her legs, looking down at it as she fanned it even more.

  Looking between her legs, my eyes widened, and then I started panicking. “What the hell is wrong with your puss?”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Bo

  Pressing my fingers to my nose, I closed my eyes as the doctor went on.

  “The swelling will go down and the hives will go away, so don’t worry about that. The reason you couldn’t breathe was because you had a panic attack—we think. But all in all, you’re fine. Just never use, um…errr…Unicorn Spit.”

  I wanted to die.

  “Duly noted,” Gus said beside me.

  Yup, I definitely wanted to die.

  “Or better yet, any lubricant. I think you may have an allergy to lubricants. Are you allergic to latex?”

  Someone kill me.

  “No, we’ve used condoms, and she never did all that. I mean, you saw it. Her pu—errr, I mean, vagina… It was huge.”

  Oh, so it’s funny to let me die slowly? Great. Thanks, universe.

  “Oh, okay, then it has to be something in this lubricant.” The doctor—who, by the way, was very good-looking—asked, “This was the only lubricant you’ve used?”

  Gus, not even the least bit embarrassed, nodded. “Yeah, she’s usually good without it. We got a little freaky, if you know what I mean,” he said, wiggling his brows.

  “Oh my God, Gus. Shut up!”

  He just laughed. The asshole laughed.

  “It’s really no big deal,” the doctor said over a smile. “This isn’t even the weirdest thing I’ve seen.”

  “Wonderful.”

  “Really? What was the weirdest?” Gus asked.

  “Wow, are we done?” I asked, ready to go.

  “Um, yes, you’re released, Ms. St. James. I would suggest no sex for the next forty-eight hours or until there is no more swelling.”

  “No problem,” I said, hopping off the exam table. “I’m sorry. I need to go. I already missed my internship, and I’m hoping I can make it to my game.”

  Unfortunately, the doctor shook his head. “Actually, I don’t want you going to work tonight. Too much walking can irritate that area. I want you to go home and take it easy. You have a lot going on there.”

  “You think?” I snapped, and then I held up my hand. “I’m sorry. My vagina hurts, and I’m crabby.”

  “With good reason,” Gus added with a shrug.

  But really, what in the hell was I supposed to tell work? My vagina was broken! “Ugh…”

  “Can you write her a note but leave off why?” Gus asked then, coming to my side.

  God bless him.

  “Oh yeah, that’s no problem. Just have them call me if they need any more information. I’ll never tell them what is going on, though.”

  Taking the note, I nodded. “Thank you, Doctor.”

  “See ya,” Gus said to him as we followed him out. “We’ll need to get a beer sometime. I need to know these stories.”

  The doctor laughed.

  Gus wrapped his arm around me, but I wanted to shake him off. I couldn’t believe this was happening. My pussy was swollen to the size of a softball. There were hives, and it was scary and big, and oh my God, I wanted to die.

  Now.

  Through the whole thing, though, Gus was amazing. He never made me feel disgusting or anything. He freaked out with me, but once I started having problems breathing, it was like a switch came on. He went into saving mode, and he got me to the hospital quickly. He never left my side. He sat with me and tried to be funny, but I was so embarrassed, I couldn’t even laugh. Hell, I still hadn’t looked him in the eyes yet.

  Out of all the things to happen with Gus Persson, I had to have the swollen vagina.

  I have shit luck.

  When we got outside, Gus started humming a very popular Alicia Keys song, and I whipped my head to him, my eyes sending daggers. “You better not.”

  “What?” he asked innocently, but he kept on humming!

  “Shut up!”

  He couldn’t hold in his laughter. It was sputtering, his eyes bright as he squeezed me into his chest. “But your sex was on fire!”

  “I hate you,” I groaned as he laughed, kissing my mouth free of its pout.

  Pulling away, still laughing, he said, “I’ve been waiting all night to sing that, but I was worried you’d kick me out.”

  “I would have,” I confirmed.

  “Figured so. Now get in.” He shut the door and then leaned on the open window, his eyes level with mine. The air was cool, and he looked beautiful standing there. There was still sand in his hair from earlier, and his face was a little sun-kissed. It was honestly stunning l