Gently Falls the Bakula Read online

  ‘Shri, the computer is not everything in life. If you want me to learn about computers, then you study a little bit about my subject. Moreover, I am not interested in getting a degree for any financial gain. I obey what my heart tells me.’

  Shrikant found her words strange. ‘Shrimati, in real life you should always decide with your head, not with your heart. If you don’t do that, it’s disastrous.’

  ‘That is your way of thinking, Shri. I need not learn computers because there is an expert at home. I don’t have any inclination for it. Just because you have a rope at home do you go and buy a buffalo for that? Education and marriage are the two things where you have to obey your heart. In the West, you can change your marriage partner and your subject of education whenever you want, but not in our rigid society . . .’

  Shrikant stopped her speech by taking hold of her hands.

  ‘Now, what do you want? Tell me straight,’ he said.

  ‘Shri, let us go to some specialist . . .’

  ‘Why, what’s wrong with you? Are you unwell?’ Shrikant was perturbed.

  ‘No, Shri, I am perfectly all right, but don’t you think we should have children now? We are well settled financially. Both of us are over thirty, and thirty is late for a woman.’

  Shrikant was silent for a minute. Then he said, ‘Okay. Make an appointment and we will go.’

  The following week they met Dr Phadke. Dr Phadke was a senior doctor with more than fifty years of experience. He had seen many childless couples and could understand their anxiety.

  Shrikant did the talking. He asked questions about why they were unable to have children. Was there anything wrong? Was the defect in him or in Shrimati? Could it be corrected?

  Dr Phadke smiled.

  ‘Well, Mr Deshpande, where are you working?’

  Shrikant replied confidently, ‘I am the general manager of a software company.’

  ‘The human body is not a computer. Many a times we do not know why things happen in a particular way. We can give the probable reason but not the exact one. We can also prescribe a medicine that may possibly rectify the problem, but each human body reacts differently to the same medicine. So, it is not easy to give definite answers. However, I would like you both to undergo certain tests and get back to me with the results.’

  The whole of the following week, Shrikant and Shrimati spent taking all the tests that were advised by the doctor. Shrikant showed no emotion or anxiety during the tests whereas Shrimati underwent a turbulence of emotions. She prayed for good results.

  When they met Dr Phadke the next time, they could not make out what was on the doctor’s mind by looking at his face.

  After going through all the reports, Dr Phadke smiled and said, ‘Mr and Mrs Deshpande, both of you are educated and intelligent. So, it should be easy for you to understand this. Neither of you has any problem. But in order to have children, either the field or the seed must be very potent. If both are potent then it is very easy. But in your case, both have ordinary potency. In medical terms we call this “sub-fertile”. That does not mean that you cannot have children at all. It might perhaps take longer for you to conceive.’

  Shrimati’s eyes filled with tears of disappointment. But she took hold of herself and asked, ‘Doctor, you must have seen many cases such as ours. How long could it take for people like us to have children?’

  ‘Shrimati, other people’s experience is irrelevant for you. It depends upon the individual body. For some people it may take ten years and for others maybe only five. You should not lose heart.’

  Shrimati was holding back her tears until she reached home. As soon as they reached home, she burst into tears.

  Wouldn’t Ashoka, Vikramaditya, Siddhartha Gautama, about whom they had talked so much before marriage, be born in their family? Would there not be any heir to Shrikant’s and her intelligence? Would their family end there? Shrimati felt utterly hopeless and helpless. The gates of her dam of sorrows broke open and tears gushed out as floods.

  All the children she had dreamt of would remain only dreams. She remembered Gangakka referring to her as a barren woman. How could she convince the uneducated, unsympathetic Gangakka that she was not to be blamed, but neither was Shrikant. She continued sobbing.

  Shrikant came and put his arms around her. His touch only increased her sorrow. It was getting dark. Shrimati had not yet put the lights on. She felt that her life was full of darkness now.

  Shrikant consoled her. ‘Come on, Shrimati, take it easy. This is not the end of our lives. I don’t believe in such things. If we do not have children then we will have only one worry. On the contrary if we have children and if they don’t come up well, that will become a constant worry. We do not have any empire that we need someone to inherit. And if you think that you need to have children to look after us in our old age, forget it. What the hell have I have been doing for my mother other than sending money? If you are worried about who will perform our shraddha, then it is a foolish thought. I did not perform my father’s shraddha. Let us work hard, and start a charitable trust that can help many needy children. Besides, the doctor hasn’t said that it is impossible. We shall wait and see.’

  ‘Shri, I don’t want to wait any more. Can we adopt a child?’

  Shrikant suddenly became very serious. ‘Shrimati, think again. Other people’s children will never be ours. We naturally tend to pardon our own children’s mistakes, but it will not be possible to do that with someone else’s. I am not comfortable with that idea, somehow. Shrimati, you are an intelligent person. Use your energy for more constructive work.’

  Shrimati was stunned by Shri’s words.

  The very thought that she wouldn’t experience motherhood was hurting her deeply.

  EIGHTEEN

  After a very long time, Shrikant received a letter from Ravi Patil. Shrikant was now one of the prominent persons in his field in India and abroad. He had a secretary, Ms Priya, in the office. Over a period of time, he required someone at home too, who was smart, reliable and able to take responsibility and most importantly, intelligent and obedient. Shrimati soon became the extremely efficient personal secretary that Shrikant Deshpande had wanted at home. Shrikant did not have to create an official position for her. It was the obedient, understanding and helpful nature of Shrimati that had made Shrikant hand over such grave responsibilities to her. She believed that Shrikant was doing a great job and it was her duty to help him.

  In addition to looking after his personal correspondence, she had to be a good hostess to Shrikant’s personal and official guests too. Shrikant would merely sign all the letters that Shrimati would prepare. Shrimati had learnt basic computer skills and was able to use the internet and e-mail too.

  After much coaxing, Gangakka had been persuaded to visit them in Bombay. Thereafter, she made many trips. Her favourite part of the house was the balcony. She would not travel by bus or train any more. She would only fly.

  The success and prosperity of her son had made Gangakka more arrogant. However, she did not change her mind about Shrimati. She still thought it was bad luck that her son had married Shrimati.

  As she held Ravi’s letter in her hands, Shrimati’s mind went back to the good old Hubli days.

  Once upon a time, all of them were so close to each other but now, everyone was in their own world. Mallesh was married and had two daughters. He was running his father’s oil shop successfully and had amassed a lot of black money. He had gone on a world tour with his wife and on the way back had stayed with them in Bombay. They had talked about their schooldays and the boys’ vs girls’ team jokes.

  Jokingly, Mallesh had said, ‘I have two daughters so I am in the girls’ team now.’

  Shrimati noticed that though Mallesh had once been a very close friend of his, Shrikant hardly spoke to Mallya in a free and frank manner. It was Shrimati who spoke all the time.

  Ravi had been in the US for a long time now. His father would still convert the dollar salary into rupees and tel