Gently Falls the Bakula Read online

  Shrikant was due to come back the following week. Now that Shrimati had made up her mind, her main concern was how to break the news to him.

  THIRTY

  Shrikant returned from the hectic four-week business trip. He was extremely tired and slept for a while before going to office. It was impossible for a person like Shrikant to stay at home because of jet lag.

  He did not notice anything wrong with Shrimati. He saw that she was cleaning up something, but that was not unusual. Shrimati was extraordinarily neat. He often joked, ‘If I don’t hold on to the shirt that I am wearing, Shrimati may give it away to somebody while cleaning the cupboard.’

  Before leaving for office, he had told Shrimati that he wanted to have an early dinner that day.

  Shrimati said, ‘Shri, do you have time now? I want to tell you something very urgent.’

  ‘No, Shrimati, I am late already. We will speak over dinner.’

  ‘But, in case you get delayed in coming back from your office, it might be too late.’

  ‘Oh, that’s not a problem. I will come early for you today.’ He left, not even bothering to ask what the important matter was. He thought it would be one of her impractical ideas.

  There was a vast difference between promising something and executing it. But as promised, Shrikant came home early that day. He seemed very excited, jubilant even.

  Shrimati was sitting on the sofa, staring at the ceiling. Shrikant did not notice that. He came, threw his coat on the dining table and sat next to her on the sofa. Holding her in his arms he said, ‘Hey, Shrimati, today you must congratulate me. I have become the managing director of the company. I have been chosen as one of the top executives of the country. Shrimati, when I was in IIT, my classmates went abroad. But I had said that I would stay in India and achieve more here than they did there. Today I have realized my dream. Now you are the wife of a managing director. Let us move out of this house. We will take up a place in Malabar Hill maybe, overlooking the sea, as per your wish. Shrimati, I do not like to fight with you and I feel extremely unhappy when we quarrel. You should understand that my profession demands all these things. You cannot have the rice and eat it too. Now, I will take some time off. Wherever you want, I will accompany you. I will not go to Hubli. This time, you are my priority.’ Like the old days he put his head on her lap and continued to chatter.

  Shrimati remained silent.

  Whatever he was saying was futile, like pouring water on a stone. Normally, Shrimati would have rejoiced at his promotion, as if it was her own. For the first time she did not feel she was a part of his success. Shrikant found her silence strange and thought she was still angry. He got up and turned her face towards him. He noticed that there were no tears or anger in her eyes. On the contrary, there was a determination and sadness. Shrimati stood up without saying anything.

  ‘Shri, this is the key to the house, and this one to your Godrej almirah. This is the finance file, as of today. Please keep them all carefully.’

  Shrikant was puzzled. He did not understand what she was talking about.

  ‘Shrimati, why do I need all these things? Are you going somewhere? Even then I will not need these things.’

  Shrimati closed her eyes, used all her willpower and answered slowly.

  ‘Shri, I am leaving and I don’t have any plans to return. I am handing over all the responsibilities of the house to you.’

  Shrikant was bewildered. ‘Where are you going?’

  ‘I am going to the US to do my doctorate. I was just waiting for your return. I have carried out all the instructions that you had given me, completed all the assignments that you had set for me.’

  Shrikant’s excitement was flattened at once. He just could not comprehend the new situation. He felt as if someone was pushing him from Mount Kailash.

  ‘Shrimati, if you are going to do your Ph.D in the US, then when will you return? How can you take such a major decision without even consulting me? How will you maintain yourself in the US?’

  Suddenly Shrikant felt utterly tired and helpless.

  ‘Shri, I am getting a scholarship. I have thought over this matter for the last four weeks before taking this decision. I did not bring anything with me when I got married to you. Now also, I am not taking anything from this house. My flight is scheduled for tonight. I was wondering in case you don’t turn up today, how I would perform my last duty. Anyway, you have come and now I can leave peacefully.’

  Shrikant’s mind had gone numb. Nothing she said was registering. In a disbelieving voice he said, ‘Shrimati, are you joking?’

  But then his eyes fell on her packed suitcase and he realized it was no joke.

  After taking a deep breath, Shrimati continued, ‘Shri, you have reached this position today because you are highly focused and you work very very hard. You have dedicated the most important part of your life and all your time to achieving this goal. It is not easy, I agree. Look at your friends who were as bright as you. They have not achieved what you have. You have surpassed everybody in your batch. You started as a software engineer and reached the pinnacle of your career within ten years. In the olden days people used to call this tapasya, penance, and for that they would have to go to the forest. You have achieved it without going to the forest . . .’

  Shrikant stopped her, ‘But that has nothing to do with your leaving.’

  ‘No, Shri. Listen to me patiently. Very few people can work like you to achieve what you have, not bothering about material benefits or happiness in life. But nothing is free in life, Shri. In achieving your position, you have lost your Shrimati.

  ‘I cannot live in this kind of an atmosphere with these artificial values. I require to breathe fresh air. I do not want to live as your shadow. I want to find my own happiness. Shri, if I had not been sensitive and bright, I wouldn’t have had to suffer such loneliness. I could have enjoyed your wealth. When I was thinking about my life so far, what my goal has been, I have realized what I want.’

  Shrimati stopped. She was waiting for Shrikant to say something. But he was silent, still in shock.

  Shrimati continued.

  ‘Shri, I loved history and I loved you. In fact, once upon a time I loved you more than history. But when you lost your finer sentiments, chasing your success in the world of business, I was left with nothing other than history. For me, the glamour of money, house, car is immaterial. Shri, ask yourself. If you were in my shoes, what would you have done? The same thing that I am doing. Do you remember why you did not take up a job in Hubli? Because you knew your goal. Now, I am also clear about my goal and I want to achieve it. Shri, you are my guru. I learnt this from you. Whenever something new happens, people call it a revolution in the perspective of history and only later appreciate its significance. A running man cannot change his direction all of a sudden. In physics, you call that inertia. I know that if I leave now, it is very natural for society to talk about me. But let me not worry about that. A person can live only by his own faith. He needs to travel on his own path, whether it has stones or thorns. He cannot take some other path, even though it is smooth and rosy, and that is exactly what I am doing today.’

  Shrimati talked as if she had never got a chance to speak before. It was like lifting the valve off a pressure cooker. Shrikant just kept looking at Shrimati, his mind completely blank. She continued to speak.

  ‘Shri, what have I done all these years? I used to welcome your guests, keep your accounts, look after the house and fulfil the duties just the way your personal secretary does. I was your valuable, glittering ornament in the social circuit. I no longer want to be that. I want to live the way I want. Shri, I don’t want a divorce from you because in my view divorce is merely a document that permits you to remarry. It has no other significance. I do not have any such intentions. You cannot change your lifestyle. You are bound by that. Your job requires that kind of commitment and you cannot live without it. But I cannot adjust to that. In the best interests of both of us, this is the only solu