The Mother I Never Knew Read online

  When they were resting in the afternoon, there was breaking news on the radio from the Dadar railway station. The Deccan Queen, which had left Mumbai that morning, had met with an accident in the ghats on its way to Pune. Several bogies had turned upside down. The listeners were advised to contact the railway police for more details.

  Hanuma and Chintamani rushed to the railway station. There were so many people there—some were in shock while others were confused and weepy.

  Hanuma was dumbstruck and sat down on the floor. Chintamani ran to make inquiries and came back with a sad face just minutes later. He told Hanuma that Setu and Champakka’s names were on the list of the deceased.

  Hanuma started crying bitterly, ‘What am I going to tell Bhagi?’

  Chintamani said, ‘Don’t give up, Hanuma. The railway staff is taking the passengers’ relatives to the scene of the accident. Let’s go there and confirm their identity before we think further.’

  When they reached the spot, they saw that the bogies had rolled down right into the valley. Body parts were scattered everywhere. It was a ghastly sight. There was no way anyone could identify all the dead bodies. In the end, the railway department informed everyone that they were going to conduct a common cremation before the unclaimed bodies started stinking. Disheartened, the two boys returned to Jamakhandi the same night, along with a newspaper that contained the names of those who had died in the accident.

  Meanwhile, Bhagirathi was waiting at home, desperately believing that Hanuma would somehow convince Setu. She had not eaten properly since the letter had come from Mumbai. Sometimes, she would get angry with the unborn baby and think, ‘Isn’t it because of this baby that people are talking ill of me? Maybe I should starve myself so that it will die inside my womb. But what do I do? It’s a part of me and a part of Setu too. The baby is my reason to live. Had I not been pregnant, I would have drowned myself in the river Krishna days ago.’

  When Hanuma returned from Mumbai, Bhagirathi was waiting for him all dressed in red like a married woman. When she heard that she had become a widow, she couldn’t take it any more and fell to the floor in a faint before anyone could catch her. A short while later, she went into labour. Instantly, Hakinabi was called for. She was surprised to find that Bhagirathi had a lot of fluid in the womb, which explained the big stomach. After eighteen hours, Bhagirathi gave birth to a tiny premature baby boy.

  And that’s how Shankar was born. No one rejoiced or celebrated his birth—he was an unwanted child.

  8

  Uncovering the Past

  In the old days, the Brahmins in Shurpali were very orthodox, and Bhagirathi—a teenage mother and a widow—was bound by customs and traditions. It was mandatory for her to shave her head to be considered purified, thus clearing her husband’s path to heaven. Her long, shining black hair was cut and her head shaved. Bhagirathi was barely aware of what was happening to her. For a few weeks, she lived her life a day at a time.

  Unfortunately, Chintamani spread the news in the entire village that Bhagirathi’s husband had deserted her. It was a matter of great disgrace not only for her, but also for Hanuma and his parents. The family could not step out of their house without somebody passing comments or turning up their nose at them.

  Kaveramma would openly curse her and talk about her to everybody who came home, ‘This girl has been an endless burden and a curse to our family. She killed her parents as soon as she was born, and then she killed her husband as soon as she was married.’

  Bhagirathi was just beginning to accept the cruel hand that fate had dealt her, but then came the month of Shravana—the festive time of the year. It was a month of great joy for married women, who would wear new clothes and jewellery, worship Mangla Gauri and pray for their husbands’ long life. It was an ill omen to see a widow on such an occasion and the entire village shunned Bhagirathi. Everybody avoided her like the plague.

  One night, after she had rocked her son to sleep, she looked out of the window. At a distance, she could see the villagers celebrating with their friends and families. She thought about her future, ‘I had my dreams too, just like every girl. But destiny has shattered them. There’s nothing that life can offer me now. Who cares about my child or me? Nobody. Why should we live? I don’t have the strength to face this harsh world day after day. Yes, it’s better to put an end to such a life.’

  Later that night, after the festivities were over and everyone had gone home, she held her son close and walked to the river. It was the night of the new moon. The sky was dark and her surroundings were deathly quiet. The river Krishna was full. She smiled. It was perfect. Her life flashed before her eyes. Setu had come into her life like a ray of sunshine, but he had left her alone in darkness and an unending ocean of misery.

  Suddenly, Bhagirathi was not afraid. She had no desire to live, so there was nothing to fear. With the baby clinging to her bosom, she walked into the icy waters. She prayed to the river, ‘I am an unfortunate orphan. Krishna, you are my mother and I’m coming to be with you forever. You know the truth about me—I am pure. Take me into your arms and rid my baby and me of this disgraceful life.’

  She stepped further into the water until it came up to her waist. Just then, baby Shankar started crying. Out of nowhere, a fisherman, Chouda, came running towards the noise. He was a strong man and his eyes were red from drinking too much. As he reached the shore, he grasped the situation at once. Without a moment’s delay, he jumped into the river and dragged Bhagirathi out of the water. He scolded her, ‘Find a way to live with Mother Krishna’s help. Don’t be a fool. Why do you want to die and go against all that she stands for?’

  Bhagirathi looked at her saviour and wept.

  Chouda consoled her as he walked her to his hut, ‘Be brave, sister, joys and sorrows are a part of life. Look, even Satya Harishchandra suffered in his life. You have a beautiful son; live for his sake. It’s your duty to raise him to be a good man. God will be with you every step of the way.’

  Bhagirathi decided not to stay in the village where her life and that of her son’s would be worse than a dog’s. The best way was to leave the village forever and make a fresh start somewhere else.

  *

  The next morning, Gopal Kulkarni found Bhagirathi and her baby missing. They searched for her everywhere but she was nowhere to be found. After a few days, the villagers came to the conclusion that she had committed suicide.

  Gopal and Hanuma were extremely upset and couldn’t bear to live in the same house any more. They cursed Setu for ruining Bhagirathi’s life. Gopal asked for a transfer and the whole family left to live in another village far away.

  Meanwhile, Bhagirathi found her way to distant Dharwad. To make both ends meet, she started working in people’s houses as a cooking maid, earning meagre wages.

  Time passed and Shankar grew up in poverty and without a father to protect him. Bhagirathi registered the boy’s name in school as Shankar Setu Rao Joshi. She kept her tragic history a secret from her son because she wanted Shankar to respect and love his dead father. Since Setu was thought to be dead, she dutifully performed his shraddha on his death anniversary every year. At times, Shankar asked her many questions about his father and where he was from. Since Bhagirathi herself didn’t know for sure, she couldn’t answer his questions and usually stayed silent or distracted him by asking him something else.

  So the mother and the son struggled to manage by themselves, and in the process, learnt to be independent. Bhagirathi worked hard; she bathed newborns, took care of their mothers and cooked for people. In time, her hands became rough and she toughened up. A long time ago, she had been a beautiful girl. But not any more.

  As Shankar grew into a young man, he felt sad to see his mother toiling in others’ homes. After his school-leaving exams, he decided to discontinue his studies. As luck would have it, he found a job as a primary schoolteacher. Still, Bhagirathi continued to work to