Killian Read online

  “It’s not your responsibility,” she insists, her words clipped. "This is my restaurant. It's none of your business." Her brow is furrowed and she looks at me with fire in her eyes, and what I really want to do is pull her against me and kiss the hell out of her. I want to make this okay.

  It's not my business? Why is she being so damn stubborn?

  “You can’t just not take my help with the store because you’re still mad at me for Chloe getting suspended."

  Lily’s nostrils flare. “You think I don’t want your help because I’m mad about Chloe?”

  “I know you’re pissed off she got suspended but honestly, that Alex kid deserved it.”

  Her hands go to her hips. “Are you kidding?” she says, her voice loud. A woman passes on the sidewalk, staring as she circumvents us by walking into the street. Lily glares at her as she passes. “What are you looking at??”

  “No, I’m not kidding," I say, bringing Lily's attention back to me. "And, you know what, I’m actually not really all that sorry I taught her to defend herself against some asshole kids with asshole parents who taught them to be little shits to other kids. Would you stop being so damn stubborn all the time, woman? It’s a damn cleaning crew. It’s not like I got you a ring! Just take the help already.”

  “You think I need rescuing. You think Chloe and I need rescuing!” she yells.

  “I don’t think you need rescuing, damn it!”

  “First, you come into my store and rescue me from the guys bothering me –“

  “Anyone would have done that. Like I’m going to stand there and watch some guys harass you?”

  But she keeps plowing ahead. “Then, you change the rules in the bakery because you think you have a better idea than I do about how to run my business. And now you’re sending in a repair crew, telling me to let you take care of things because I can’t handle them on my own, like I’m some kind of helpless little woman who needs to be pat on the head and told not to worry about anything because her big strong man will take care of it!”

  Now I’m getting really upset. “That’s not what I’m doing at all! You’re making me out to be some controlling pig who bosses you around and –"

  “I said, this is my problem. I have to deal with it. Just like with Chloe.”

  “What was I supposed to do? She told me about the bullying, not you!”

  Fuck.

  Fuck, fuck, fuck.

  As soon as the words leave my mouth, I want to take them back.

  Lily doesn’t move. She just looks at me, her jaw clenched, and her eyes start to water.

  “Lily, I didn’t mean –"

  She puts up her hand. “Don’t, Killian. Just don’t. Chloe is my kid, not yours. Regardless of whether or not you think I'm a good mom."

  "That is not at all what I mean. I meant that she didn't want to worry –"

  "Enough," she says. "You've said enough."

  "She hasn't talked to you?" Luke asks.

  I grimace, looking into my whiskey glass. "It didn't –" I shrug, like it's not a big deal, except it's a big fucking deal. I royally fucked up. I really hurt her when I said that Chloe told me about the bullying and not her. "It didn't go well when I saw her."

  "Well, I guess you should go fix it, asshole."

  "Yeah, thanks for your brilliant advice. If I knew how to fix it, that's what I would go do."

  Instead, I've been holed up at the cabin because really, I have no business being in a relationship. What the hell was I thinking, dating a woman with a kid? I'm in over my head here.

  And she wanted to be left alone. She didn't want me to step in and fix stuff for her.

  God, that even sounds like a lame rationalization in my head.

  "Oh, please. You know how to fix it. Go apologize for whatever dumb shit you said or did."

  "I didn't just say something stupid, Luke. I fucked things up, first with the bakery, and then with Chloe getting suspended from school because of what I taught her."

  "Her kid was suspended? She's like, six, years old."

  I shrug. "Just turned seven. I might have taught her how to punch a boy who was bothering her."

  Luke snorts. "I take it she hit him?"

  "Yeah. Split the kid's lip."

  "They suspend kids for that now?" Luke asks. "You remember when those kids in middle school were harassing Silas?"

  I can't help but laugh. "We told them that I went to juvie over the summer for murder and that if they touched Silas, they'd be next."

  "You were so unstable-looking anyway, they believed it. Dumb shits."

  "Probably should have gone that route with Chloe."

  Luke snorts. "Yeah, I'm sure scaring all of the first graders at the elementary school would have been a better choice."

  I'm silent for a while. "How did you know you could do it, man?"

  "Support your lies about being a murderer?"

  "You know that's not what I'm talking about. Be a father. You have Olivia, and now Autumn is pregnant again. How'd you know you weren't going to fuck them all up? It's not like our father was a role model."

  Luke takes a long drag on his beer. "I don't know that I'm not going to fuck them all up."

  "That's reassuring."

  "I don't think you can know. I mean, you're probably going to mess some stuff up. Not everything, though."

  "That's optimistic."

  "Our father was a role model, in a way, I think."

  I let out a bitter laugh. "Right."

  "Hear me out. He was a model for what not to do. So I kind of figure, as long as I do the opposite of what he did, I'm probably on the right track, you know? Besides, Autumn's a good mom. It comes naturally to her. So I'm hitchin' my horse to her wagon. I figure, if I don't know what to do, she does."

  "Lily's a good mom. A really good one."

  "Yeah, well, I figure she's got to be good at dealing with children, since she handles you so well."

  "Jackass."

  "Stop sitting up here moping around and feeling sorry for yourself. I've seen the way she looks at you – it's how Autumn looks at me. It's the best feeling in the world, man." Luke stands up and sets the beer down on the ground beside his chair. "I have to go. Cade and I are watching the kids so Autumn and June can have a child-free dinner. Don't be stupid, Killian. Go fix it."

  "She's real stubborn."

  Luke cocks his head to the side and looks at me like I'm an idiot. "So are you, dumbass."

  42

  Lily

  I lie in bed awake, the numbers on the clock on my bedside table glowing blue and bathing the room in an eerie light.

  It's none of your business. I was mean to Killian when he was just trying to help. But what the hell did he think he was going to do, clean up the damage by himself? Besides, he was a total jerk.

  She told me about the bullying, not you!

  The words keep replaying in my head over and over, like a nonstop punch to the gut, because it's true. She didn't confide in me. She confided in Killian instead.

  He was trying to help.

  No, what he was doing was steamrolling his way in and trying to fix things for me, like he did with Chloe – doing things his own way without even asking first.

  He was just trying to help.

  The thoughts ping-pong around in my head until I'm too exhausted to think about it anymore.

  My mother was almost as devastated about the flooding in the bakery as she was by the fact that she wasn't going to get to meet Killian when my parents picked up Chloe.

  "I don't think it's too much to ask that I meet the man who's spending time with my grandchild, do you?"

  "Not now, mom. Another time."

  Probably not ever.

  Part of me wants Killian to call me, tell me he was a dumbass who put his foot in his mouth and that he didn't mean that I was a defective mother. I know he didn't mean it like that – at least, some part of me understands that.

  The other part of me says, screw that. He's bossy and controlli